Wednesday Roll Call
Dawn,
Nope, you do not have to do this alone. I think we tend to isolate when we know we are in trouble. It is a mechanism that is instilled in us from dysfunctional childhoods. Mine certainly was. . I think I started doing this because I was raised in a home with an abusive alcoholic father and we were forced to "keep the secret". At a young age we were expected to know not to go outside for help of any kind. Especially help with our feelings or coping mechanisms. We were taught what goes on in the house, stays in the house.
Your father in law sounds like a penis. I'm sure working for him doesn't help any situation.
You are in my heart and prayers,
hugs,
Sharon
Dawn- I am so glad you are reaching out to others for help. I think it will be a good experience for you. No one can understand you better than another alcoholics. I mean we can all be here for you and cheer you on...but those people UNDERSTAND. To me that makes an instant bond.
My parents went to NA, when they finally cleaned up their act and it worked for them. I think they went for 5 years before they finally stopped going. I am a big believer in AA and NA...because I know that it can work. My parents were examples. They were 20+ year abusers of drugs and alcohol and they were able to stay clean till their deaths,and I think that has a lot to do with what they took away from NA.
Dawn
I am so happy that you have reached out to AA. I know that they are the ones that are best able to help youi and really understand what you are going through. My aunt was life time member and VERY involved. She and her husband sponsored many people in AA and gave them the loving support that she received when she first joined. It is a moment by moment journey and you need people on your side that have been through the experience. Someone who is available 24/7 and will respond with the guidance that you need when you reach out.
I know that the organization has helped my aunt, my cousins and my niece. They all sing its praises. This is one battle that is too hard to struggle with alone. I like to think of it as another OH support group.
Making that first step is so difficult. I am so proud of you! Hang in there! You can do it! 
Cat Lady
Sharon- you know I had a whole thing typed out this morning and then it errored out and I got some message from OH. I didn't have time to retype it. Oh well.
I guess my desire to self sufficient comes from being trapped in that awful relationship with Amanda's father. Since I was so young I at first just let him handle everything. I was only 15 and I figured he knew best. By the time I woke up and realized what a terrible person he was...I was in deep. I had a kid, I had dropped out of high school, I was working part time in a minimum wage job, and he managed little by little to isolate me from all of my friends and family. So I had no one but him. But I did't see any of this until it was too late. I woke up one day to realize I had nothing. And I had to work my ass off to gain it back...he put the obstacles in my way to make it hard on me!!! Even when I tried to get my drivers license at 19!!! He made that difficult on me...one small step toward independence and he had to make that hard. I finally had to do it behind his back and my grandma helped me and let me use her car. When I finally took the step to buy my own car...he tried to take my down payment...and I had to run and buy the car behind his back before he took the money!!!! He tried to make me feel guilty when I was getting my GED. He tried to derail my efforts to get my accounting degree!!! And when all was said and done...It took me years to get away from him....and a couple more to rebuild my life after I left.
Ever since then I have been on my own and I never want to be in that situation again. It took so much energy for me to fight to do normal things (and believe me I fought)...and I am not sure I could go through that again. I want to be able to know that at any moment I would be able to support myself if need be. I never ever want to be completely dependent on someone...to me that is giving them control of my life. I guess that feeling of being trapped will never leave me....
I am so proud of you. It sounds like you had an awesome grandma. Many would have ended up in a different place, but you prevailed. What an amazing example you are to your daughter!
PS I know what you mean about OH. It has been hard to get on and it processes too long to send sometimes........
Hugs,
Sharon
Crystal
You are one amazing woman. What you have managed to do is amazing! Many people have not achieved what you have. Think of all that you have accomplished! You had the courage to get your GED! You struggled for your independance, you went on to college and finished that! You brought a child up by yourself. You deserve a gold medal and many kudo's for all your accomplishments. Be proud woman!
Cat Lady
