My 2 year surgiversary (long)

Happy New Year Everyone!

So here is my reflection of the past two years and my goals looking forward.

The calendar turned to 2010, and my husband and I stayed home and watched tv.  Neither one of us drinks anymore, and it is just safer to stay home than be out on the road with all those who do.  This time two years ago, I was just 4 days out from having RNY and following the mantra that all newbies should follow (walk, walk, walk, sip, sip, sip, rest, rest, rest).

On 12/28/07  the day of surgery, I weighed in at 252 lbs and wore a 1X/22W in clothing.  I was lucky that I did not have any major comorbidities, but it was a just a matter of time before I did.  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, any hated my depression.  It did not matter what I did, I could not loose any of the weight that had crept on to my 5'4" body over the years. 

Today, I weigh in between 120-127 and now wear a S/1 in clothing.  I have had no complications (knocking on wood), other than having my gall bladder removed at my 6 month mark.  I am lucky to have the family genetics of very little saggy skin.  Yes, I do have some saggy spots, but most of this was from having children.  I still battle the depression, which I have come to terms that it is heredity and there is nothing I can do to change it.

2009 is a year that had some challenges, and I can look at it in the rear view mirror and understand the lessons that I had to learn.  After being in college for a little more than 4 years, I it finally dawned on me that maybe some of the issues I had with focusing on not only home work but also at work could be ADD/ADHD and not depression. So I went off on doing some research, and they believe that ADD/ADHD is hereditory and both my kids have been diagnosed with this.  This information led me to go and be tested, and sure enough I was diagnosed with a mild form of ADHD.  I now take combination of Adderall and Wellbutrin to help with this, and the results have been better grades and the ability to do my job better.  I survived through a tough economic year at work and I am thankful that I have a job.

The biggest enlightenment in the past year came in a conversation with a friend this past year.  It finally dawned on me that when I was growing up I was always told I was not good enough.  From my paternal grandmother tell me that I was not and would never be as good as my two older cousins, to my mother telling me at report card time in high school that "those C's could've been B's and those B's could've been A's".  When I went back to school, it was not to just get a better job, but somewhere in my "little pea sized" brain that by graduating college with not just one or two, but three degrees and I will be able to prove to my grandmother and mother that I am good enough.  This type of upbringing has caused me to be extremely hard on myself when I make an error at work, or if I did not do as well on my school work as I should have.  So, when this happens my thought pattern tells me that this is just another one of those "see you will never be good enough" points. And guess what? 

This is the same mentality I have about my surgery.  Even at two years out, I still look in the mirror and will sometimes see the fat girl I once was.  I will occassionally wake up during the night from having those dreams of gaining all the weight back or waking up in the morning to find that I have some how gained all my weight back. Even though I plan what to eat for the day, if I end up eating something that is not on my list  I will hear that little voice telling me"see you will never be good enough"  

Do I think that this mentality led to my issues with food and obesity?  Maybe, but I need to continue in understanding who I am, so I can understand why my relationship with food is the way it is. 

What does 2010 hold for me?  I know that I will be graduating college in April, and that my husband and I have decided to take advantage of the downturned real estate market and to buy our first home.

To all those who have been here from the beginning of my journey, I want to say "thank you" for all the words of support and encouragement.

For those who are new to the board, surgery is only a tool and as long as you use the tool you will be successful.  But, I think the biggest key to success is to look at who you are and to learn why you are the way you are, and to understand how these two work into your relationship with food.

 Wendi

Thank you for sharing.  I think I could have written a lot of this story.  It is a relief to hear that others have struggled with some of the same issues.  I am approaching my 2 year anniversary in April and am not at my goal yet.  Still struggling with all of those demons.  

Wendi, You are very much good enough. Anyone who went back to school, and is getting 3 degrees, doing it with kids, job, a family, and all of everything that goes with the above, should be congratulated. You have come a long way.

We are all here to support you for all time. You are doing great in the weight department. I am still having some issues with food, as well as most everyone. But, little by little, we will overcome.

Hugs to you.

LISA

I am approaching my two-year mark, so I love hearing people's stories! I wish you the very best on this journey called "life." WLS is just a pit stop on the road.

I hope 2010 is wonderful for you!

Nicolle

Dear Wendi,
This was great reflection and a wonderful post.  Thanks for sharing and remind us that we are ulitimately responsible for working our tool.
God Bless you and your family in the New Year,
Candy

And...our family has a way of making us feel inadequate, and evern after everything we've been through with WLS someone around us is not happy.  Friends and family members have been challenging to deal with in some solutions. 

So, I think you've found out the solutiion, make yourself happy and hopefully they will all come around. If not, work your life plan and let them watch from the sidelines!

Hi Wendi!

Congratulations on your 2 year surgiversary.....I am almost there too. Thanks for the reminder that it is up to the individual to work their tool, No one can do it for you. We all learn a lot along the way on this journey. We have to make some self discoveries and you have certainly done that. Good luck and continued success in 2010!

Happy New Year to you too Wendi!

It is great to hear from you and thank you so much for sharing.

I am still "stuck" in the same place as I have been since 10 months out, but most days, I have come to accept it.

You ARE good enough, and you are in inspiration to those around you.

Wendi, you are an inspiration to me!  You have come a long way and should be very proud of yourself.  I am VERY proud of  you!  You can do anything you set your mind to.
I am kinda close to my 2 year out mark and I have not hit goal either...I can't seem to get rid of those lasta 20 to 30 pounds, and I am battling food demons again!  I am working on it though and this year I will do it!! 
I hope to see you at a support group meeting soon...you truly are a great person!
Love ya!

Hi Wendi -

Congrats on your success.. You are an inspiration to all of us and I am so proud of you.  Thank you for sharing your story.  We are always learning new things about ourselves.  Don't beat yourself up.  You have done a great job and losing and maintaining
Congrats on buying your first home. 

Christina