Just had dinner with a friend and Im mad as hell!!

Ok here is the deal. I just had dinner with a dear friend of mine. Although I do adore this girl very much, she has made me mad. Obviously I'm overweight, and so is she. In fact she is 100 pounds heavier then me. The reason I mentioned that is because I am wondering if if jealousy is the reason why she just acted like she did? Her doctor wants her to have WLS, and she knows I'm scheduled for August 17th. The whole time at dinner she threw around insults, poor points of WLS with no facts! I am 38 and look young for my age, she said she knows for a fact that WLS will age me. I will look like I have cancer and will get ALOT of wrinkles. According to her I will never be able to eat like a normal person again! And the best one folks is that she knows for a "concrete fact"  ( her words not mine) that people that have any surgery other then the band dies with in 5 years of surgery. Her step mom died after a few years of having RNY. She said simply because she got too skinny? I was like WTH? I am not an expert of WLS myself that is why I continue to do my research. But I know I never read anything about the longevity of WLS patients only being 5 years. I mean I am nervous enough and she acted this way, not only said all that crap but was very nasty and snotty! Why do people do that? Is she just jealous or just not well informed? *****Sigh***** at least the food was good!! 

I too dealt with many close friends & relatives trying to "scare" me with "facts" just before my surgery. My husband's aunt told me a horror story about how she watched her co-worker slowly kill herself after RNY. She was there the day she came back from leave and over a period of 4 years watched her drop to 110 pounds. When I asked if she simply stopped eatting or if she was taking her daily vitamins or even following up with her surgeon as she should she replied with "I don't know for sure" Yet she so was quick to tell me "You are going to die if you have that surgery, here's why!"

Or, my close friend of 15 years that sat on the phone crying because she didn't want to watch me go through the same thing one of her college mates did. She had the RNY, within weeks she was rushed back into the hospital with major complications and she is now on life support. When I asked how overweight she was, she replied with: "400 pounds." Okay....well...there we go.

Listen, this surgery is not all butterflies & rainbows. Every surgery comes with complications, IF you don't follow the aftercare guidelines. If you don't take your vitamins, odds are, you may deal with issues. If you are 400 pounds overweight, ANY surgery can be life threatening.

Your friend is just voicing her opinion whether she has the facts or not. But, I can tell you for a fact my nurse at my Gyno's office as well as her daughter BOTH had the RNY about 15 years ago and they both look great (she showed me a photo of her daughter) The only problem she said her daughter had was all three of her babies were underweight due to the surgery.

I have been dealing with several friends that have not known me for more than a few years saying mean, hurtful things like "You are just lazy." or "You took the easy way out, that's pathetic."

There will always be people that are quick to judge others when they can't even get take care of their own issues.

Don't let them get to you.

~Heather

Oh I am so sorry that you had to experience this. But you know you have the best source of information with this website for you to educate her and yourself. Now is the time to arm yourself with all that you can so in the future if you encounter her or others you know the facts and not the fiction.

By the way go back to her and tell her that Dave and I are living proof that a person DOES NOT DIE WITH IN 5 YEARS OF SURGERY. I am more than 6 years out and Dave is approaching 6 years OUT ON Sept 30th. By the way Dave's attending was your doctor and Dr Pete was the primary. Your surgeon's group and mine have patients that well out live the 5 year time line she is professing.

JEALOUSY TO SAY THE LEAST OR BITTER FOR THE WAY HER LIFE HAS TURNED OUT.


((((HUGS))))

Thanks Christine!! Im getting so nervous! I heard that the Doc's at the Kane center are awesome!

You are in great hands with Dr. Wallace! 

Look at that! We have the same Doc :)

Hmmm...sounds like your friend is either jealous of your courage to envision a different future for yourself OR she is worried about your safety.

Either way, it shouldn't matter to you. This is YOUR life. Let her crappy comments roll off your back and let her be inspired by your success.

Can you die within 5 years out from WLS? YEP. If you eat crap, develop an eating disorder, don't get your labs drawn regularly, have a crappy surgeon and don't take vitamins. Yep, death can happen. It's THAT serious. Do not take this step lilghtly. 

As to "looking older," at least you will have the chance to BE older. At your weight, the next five years could look very different from a hospital bed, without a medical intervention today.

I am told all of the time how much YOUNGER I look now that I have gotten to goal. Yes, I notice my wrinkles, but I AM 39 years old and have two kids. I've lived a life in this body before WLS and thank GOD, I will live a healthy, active life in this same body after WLS. Wrinkles come and with plastic surgery, they can go, if I so desire.

I can't speak to the RNY diet from experience, but from what I have seen here on OH and the folks I know in real life with the RNY, yes, you will have to eat differently for the rest of your life. So what? If YOU can live with, why can't SHE??

And, BTW, is she aware of the Lap-band diet? That's not exactly a "normal" diet, either. If she is 100 pounds heavier than you, no reputable doctor would install a band in her (and expect her to get even near goal, based on even the manufacturers' literature), so she better adjust her thinking and look into either a DS or RNY for herself.

You jus****ch: as the pounds drop off your body, she will be damn jealous and kind of unsupportive and then she will start sniffing around about who your surgeon was, etc. so she can have surgery.

If you want scientific info to spout off in her face, visit http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/. This site is run by our government and has peer-reviewed medical articles on it. In fact, there is a new meta-analysis study out that says gastric bypass (62%) is better at excessive weight loss (EWL) than the bands (49%), which you can share with her. (In favor of full exposure, I MUST point out that the DS still has better EWL long-term stats, rouotinely in the 80-95% at even 7-10 years out.)

Nicolle

Dr. Wallace is excellent.  You will be in great hands!!  =)

I had RNY on 6/9 with Dr Kane and I will tell you that you are in EXCELLENT hands for sure.  All the docs from the Kane Center are amazing.  Also, nurses Judy and Karen that do hospital rounds with them are wonderful.  They take so much time and care with every patient.  I know I made the right choice with choosing the Kane Center and you too will realize this.  Congrats on your decision!!!

Live your life the way you want to.  As to dying within 5 years because of the surgery I say WHATEVER!. You can walk down the street and get hit by a bus.  Is that because of the wls?  No! It's because someone should not be a bus driver!  Good luch with your surgery.  I am just starting my journey.  I have my first informational meeting on Monday.