I hate food!!

Hello to everyone! Its been a really long time since I have posted anything on OH, but today I figured that I must post this because I have to reach out to poeple here on OH.

I am 7 months post op and I have lost 125lbs! I love my RNY and I would not change a thing. Everyday I feel blessed to have had this chance in life to claim my life back for me and my family. Lately, I have been so scared of gaining my weight back. I think about food all the time and sometimes I can see my old habbits coming back into play. I have stayed away from fast food, pizza, greasy fried foods and high fat foods this whole time and that is one thing I will not and can not go back too! Those are the foods that made me fat. But lately, I feel hungry all the time, but I know its head hunger. When I am eating ,I am thinking about every bite that I am taking worried that its going to make me gain weight. I am eating more now than I did when I first had surgery and I think that's whats messing with my head. Like I can eat a sandwhich and cup of fruit and think I just totally overate. But I find myslef tasting things as I am cooking and taking a few sips of water while I am doing that. I do not drink while I am eating but now I do not wait the 30 minutes before or after I eat. I then think that I am such a failure and I am going to fail this too. OMG am I nuts!?! I have eaten come cookies and a very small bit of candy and it did not make me sick. Then I start to think, "holy **** I am screwing this whole thing up!" I know, its not nearly what I could have eaten 7 months ago, buts its the smiple fact that food still controls my life. I knew that having this RNY would not take that away and I know its going to take work emotiaonally but I hate food sometimes. I know all of you can relate to this and I felt such a need to reach out to all of you. I am just so afraid of gaining my weight back. That scares me to death!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. :) I am going to the next support group meeting at ABMC which is November 15th. I need the support and I will enver give up!

I hope everyone is doing well!!
Best wishes to all!
Jill

Dear Jill,

Thank you for your courage!  I wanted to point out two things that we sometimes forget.  First, WLS is not the miracle of miricles or "the magic pill".  It is a tool, nothing more and nothing less.  We've seen sooooo many people who have surgery, loose a baizzillion pounds and then gain it all back because they never did what we know we must do.  That is to change our relationship with food.  There are millions of healthy, normal people who eat a bit of candy or pizza or fast food, and never become over weight.  I'm not advocating that you do that, but remember, you have gone through major changes in your relationship with food.  Part of it was your surgery, but most of it was relearning how to have healthy and balanced foods in proper portions.  How to eat for nutrician and substance, not emotional relief.  How to consume food without being consumed by food!  There is an old quote from Charlie "Bird" Parker that I love to share.  He was asked how one becomes a great saxaphone player.  His answer was to study your music theory, practice your scales, learn all the modes and then throw all that stuff away and wail!!!  We have to do the same.  We learn about proper nutrician and portion control, how to listen to our bodies and stop eating when we have had enough, and how to eat for substance and not for emotional relief.  But then we have to learn to stop over thinking and start living within the rhythem of our new lives.  If you start to fall backwards, you can always catch yourself and go back to the books and stringent rules.  That's what life is about!  Bird still practiced even after he had become the best in the world. 

I said there were two things.  Here's number two.  You are an incredible person!  You took back your life!  You defied all the statistics and you rebuilt who you are in the world.  Stand up and take a bow!!!  You are no longer a fat person who lost a bunch of weight.  You are a healthy person who knows how to live a healthy and planned life in a world that you own and control!  You have proven to me and everyone else that you are no longer a victim of weakness and obesity.  Rather, you are a leader and a champion in the battle to be happy.  You've won the battle, and the war is winding down.  Relax and bask in the taste of victory!!!  I'm not saying to get sloppy.  The enemy will always be just beyond the horizon, but you now know how to recognize the signs.  If you gain a pound or two, don't sweat it.  If you gain five, take time to review and adjust.  You have all the knowledge and tools you need to live in your success for the rest of your life!  Unlike the addicts of the world, we cannot divorce food.  We must learn to create healthy relationships with our eating.  You've done that.  Now is the time to relax and enjoy the marriage!

Paul 

Hello Paul! Thank you very much for your kind and very encouraging words! That really meant a lot to me. I am going to save your reply and read it everytime I start to doubt myself. :) Thank you Paul.
Best wishes!
Jill

Hi Jill.  I won't go into a long post because you know how I feel about this and how we are in the same boat....hang in there.
I will just say, "ditto to what Paul said"  he's an amazing guy with so much wisdom about life.  I read all he wrote and I will be taking that to heart as well!
See you on the 15th!

Oh Monica...you and I are in the same but! LOL  I cant wait to see you on the 15th. I wont recognize you!! We'll talk again once it gets closer so we can figure out a time. Hope you and your kids had a fun Halloween!!

Take care!
Jill

We had different surgeries (I had the DS), so I can't really comment on what you "can" or "can't" eat , or whether drinking with food is a no-no. (Since I like to drink during my meals, I would find that one hard, let me tell you!)
 
I would just like to say that food is an important part of our culture. And it is nourishment, so It is unavoidable. Please don't beat yourself up for a "slip" now and then. People who have never had issues with their weight slip all of the time, too. But then they do something to "counteract" that slippage, like exercising extra, skipping dessert, taking the stairs.You can control this. Just remember that it is a slippery slope, but YOU are in control.

Listen to yourself for a minute. You are NOT a failure because you drank during a meal or you snitched a cookie or ten. If one of your friends told you they were failures because of those things, you would set them straight on how they are NOT a failure. You would remind them to step up the exercise, go back to basics. Now, be your own best friend and remind yourself that you are strong and will make it.

Take care,

Nicolle

Hi Nicolle! Thank you so much for responding to my post. It really meant a lot to me. I have heard of the DS, but what is it exactly? I'd love to hear about it. You have lost a tremndous amount of weight! Congrats!!!!

Thank you for your encouraging words Nicolle. It seems I can always help out my firends, but when it comes to me...thats where I struggle. LOL  I have to find a better relationship with food and not stress out about it. Hmmm a better realtisonhip with food, might mean I shut the door on all my trigger foods!

Thanks so much for your help!
Jill

Yeah, we all help the people in our lives, but not ourselves. In theory, if everyone did this, then we would all be okay, right? They would take care of us, we would take care of them, but it doesn't work that way.

Glad you asked about the DS. I like to share this info about this miracle tool when I can. Here's my version what the DS is: The DS is a weight loss surgery, too. It's probably easier to describe it by talking about how it is different from the RNY.  With the DS, your stomach is cut lengthwise, instead of horizontally, and you keep your pyloric valve at the bottom. This means you won't have the possibility of dumping syndrome, since you still have a normal functioning stomach. Sugar, while it could cause a weight loss slowdown in large quantities, is okay to eat, so are high fat and lots of protein. And we do not get ulcers in the anastomosis.

DSers also do not have a "blind stomach," so there are no worries about bacterial overgrowth or being unable to scope the left-behind part of the stomach for cancer someday. And the surgeon also reroutes your intestines so you have more malabsorption than the RNY, so the weight stays off more easily.

Yes, a few people have regained some weight after this surgery, but it's very rare and very few pounds (maybe 20-25 pounds at the most that I have heard about and I have been on OH for over 2 years).

While everyone who has WLS should get labs drawn and monitored by their docs, most people with LapBand and RNY do not seem to do this, or at least not very frequently. Their docs don't tell them to, in many cases (!!!!), even though it should be obvious that they are not able to get full nutrition with the restriction and/or malabsorption issues their surgery gives them. With the DS, you MUST do it. You need to stay on top of any deficiencies that could pop up. I take 7 supplements a day and six of them I would take anyway, before my DS (4 calcium citrates, 1 iron and 1 multivitamin). The "extra" one I take is a D. So far, so good. Good weight loss, good labs at 3 and 6 months and I am feeling fantastic!!!

Tales of the "down" side of the DS are greatly exaggerated. We do not poop or fart all day-- LOL! Nor do we just sit like giant garbage cans and eat everything in the world. We eat very normally. A normal day for me is eggs or omelet and bacon for breakfast, maybe a bagel, some peanut butter and toast for a snack, some sort of lunchmeat sandwich or McDonalds-ish thing for lunch, cheese and crackers for a snack and then a beef or chicken dinner with veggies. Often a dessert of some kind! Then maybe some popcorn with butter or cheesy quesadillas before bedtime. Smaller quantities than pre-op, for sure, but still yummy stuff.

While there are only about 50 reputable DS surgeons in the world, this surgery has been around for a very long time, almost as long as the RNY. It' takes more skill to do this surgery, for sure, since it's a bit more involved than a lapband or RNY. The "switch" part of it has been done for years in India and Europe to cure diabetes. (It has a 98% cure rate for it.) It is NOT experimental and is even covered by Medicare, so now lots of insurance companies are starting to cover it, too. 

If you, or anyone wants to learn more about it, feel free to visit www.duodenalswitch.com or the DS forum here on OH. You can even PM me. Lots of people who have had the band or RNY not work out have chosen to get a revision to the DS. I am very pleased with this choice and the good health it has given me, so I am happy to "pay it forward" in any way I can.

Take care, Jill.

Nicolle 

Hi Jill,
I am also 7 months post op and feel your pain. I have had things that are not the best and gotten into the hopeless feeling of wondering if I have totally screwed this up. Then I just get  back on what I need to do and stop telling myself what a screw up I am. Some days that works and sometimes it doesn't. I can eat as many carbs as I want and not get full. When I eat protein and good carbs I get full and my tool works. I don't dump.My weight loss is very very slow now and when I get on the scale and it says the same thing for a week or more than my last lowest weight I get discouraged but usually get past that and have a good day. Work is the hardest because I am a nurse and ppl bring all kinds of "bad" stuff and leave it in the break room. I keep my lunch bag full of protein bars so I have something to eat that is good. I also am working harder on keeping a container of something liquid so I can get my water in. I have kept with the 30 min rule before and after and that will keep me from eating...but I do not drink so I can eat sometimes...ARGH...I just wanted to let u know you are not alone....
Its a journey that is lifelong and I will measure my success by keeping off what I have lost....I don't beat myself up if I don't lose or if I gain but I use that to keep myself in reality that this is a tool and not the magic answer.
Good luck to you!

Hi Glenda!

Thank you so much for responding to my post! I see you had your surgery about 2 weeks before me, so we are in the same boat! You are so right about everything you said! All I can say is thank you and I feel better knowing that I am not alone! I know this is only a tool and I knew that going into this surgery, but now the real work begins! All my firends think that I will only be able to eat just 2 oz. at a time, but thats not true anymore. Sometimes I feel as if everyone is watching what I am eating. For so long we ate such small amounts and now we can eat a little bit more, almost like a normal portion. Dont get me wrong, I still eat small meals and could not put away what I used too, but its way more than what we were eating 5 months ago. I am so happy with my weight loss and you said some very encouraging things! Thank you!

You are also doing wonderful! Keep up the great work and good luck! If ever I can be a shoulder to lean on, please know that I am just an e-mail away. Thanks again for responding.

Best wishes,
Jill