6 year anniversary
Tomorrow is my 6th anniversary of surgery and I always get thoughtful about the changes I have been through as my journey through life continues.
I suppose my post this year is different than my other ones, but some things do bear repeating.
Surgery gave me the edge I needed to get to where I am today, but surgery is not keeping me where I am. Lifestyle changes are doing that. in the end it really does come down to appropriate food intake and exercise, and a tool to help me stay on track with portions. And getting into a healthy place emotionally.
I did learn a hard lesson this year though - that even with my wonderful tool I can mess up - and I did for a while. I had a period of some very extreme stress. A serious illness in the family, and me having to take time out to be a caregiver. during that time I got out of my workout habit - I felt I could not leave home for that long and I was too overwhelmed to think of using the knowledge & self discipline to workout at home and do what I knew needed to be done. I also fell back into emotional eating big time. I managed to go up 10 pounds in 3 weeks - even with my exquisite tool intact and funtioning well, saw that on the scale, freaked out, started binging even more and went up even more for a total of 15 pounds over all to 150 pounds. When reality of what I was doing hit I nearly had a nervous breakdown over what I had done to myself. I bought diet pills, (threw them down the toilet when I got home as I was in touch with reality enough to know how really stupid that was) I tried to do a very restrictive diet. I failed and that freaked me out more. I knew all this was the same roller coaster ride that got me to 260 + before and I had to do something before it got worse.
Time for more intense therapy and hard work. I saw my shrink and told her what was up and she offered tremendous support - and medication to help manage some of the stress - I also hadn't been sleeping ( which in itself contributes to increased stress, and weight gain) and help me get some sleep. It took some doing and trialing a couple different meds but I got that under control and then had to start dealing with my emotions, coping skills and issues with food once again.
I have found ( I knew and managed to let myself forget) that exercise is a fabulous stress reducer, especially if you find something you love. I bought a new bike - I hadn't had one since I was a teenager - over 25 years. I found that riding is such a stress reducer - I get out there and hit the trail and I feel like a kid again and the bad stuff sort of blows off of me.
I also learned that no matter how much others NEED me and rely on me I HAVE to take care of myself first at times or I WILL crash and burn and no one will get taken care of. As Jackie Guerra says in her book Under Construction - "put on your own oxygen mask first"
I found that by reducing the stress by taking that time out I reduced my desire to binge. One day I had a particularly rough day I was on the verge of a major binge, and I put on my helmet and went out just around the neighborhood for a while on my bike. It took a little while to clear out my mind, but then I just started enjoying it and just being there and letting everything else go. My urge to binge just left like a big knot unravelling and floating away. it was a life defining moment. At that moment I learned, believed for the first time wholely and completely, that I could be in charge of my feelings and choices.
I have talked at length with my therapist about whether one can really truely be free of an eating disorder - if it can be "cured" In the book "How much does your soul weigh?" the author - Dorie McCubbrey says yes. My therapist said for some people the eating disorder becomes their identity, and they cannot let go of it because they don't know who they are with out it. So one of my focuses has been on discovering who I am. I decided I refuse to be defined by a disorder.
So I am now back to my eating plan - it is NOT a diet - unbalanced restricitive crazy diets just don't work for long term healh, fitness or stable weight. 5 meals a day - 6 oz of meat, fish , chicken or veggie burgers, 3 servings of dairy, 2-3 veggies - 2 fruits (always a banana every day) and 2-4 high fiber whole grains a day. plenty of fluids, and daily activity. I still occasionally have a cookie or some dark chocolate ( I like trader joes dark chocolate covered expresso beans & I can eat just a couple and feel satiated)
I have had some ups & downs and some really cool adventures - see my blog about my summer vacation and, 6 flags, July 3rd and other adventures. I am hoing to go to Las vegas in the next month as my birthday present for myself.
this morning I weighed 136, my perfect weight is 135 +/- 5 pounds
This life is a journey and there will always be new things to learn and advntures to have. I hope I can remember daily to celebrate and enjoy the gratitude for the wonderful thing I have been given.
Once again - Thank you Dr. Schlessinger and Dawn My wonderful therapist who has helped me find so many of my own answers.
10+ years post op and still maintaining!!! surgery 9/25/2002 260/134
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatric_journey/welcome/ if you send a friend request on FB make a note that you are from OH - thanks http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=586438255&ref=profile
also www.facebook.com/valshealthykitchen
10+ years post op and still maintaining!!! surgery 9/25/2002 260/134
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatric_journey/welcome/ if you send a friend request on FB make a note that you are from OH - thanks http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=586438255&ref=profile
also www.facebook.com/valshealthykitchen
Success begins with wise choices I make,I will not let noncompliance be my mistake, The surgery I had was to assist me in changes. My compliance is for a success long range, So I will think before I decide to cheat. Remember the goals I want to meet. For this surgery is not something I was force to do It was what I wanted for a healthy life!
10+ years post op and still maintaining!!! surgery 9/25/2002 260/134
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatric_journey/welcome/ if you send a friend request on FB make a note that you are from OH - thanks http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=586438255&ref=profile
also www.facebook.com/valshealthykitchen
10+ years post op and still maintaining!!! surgery 9/25/2002 260/134
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatric_journey/welcome/ if you send a friend request on FB make a note that you are from OH - thanks http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=586438255&ref=profile
also www.facebook.com/valshealthykitchen
10+ years post op and still maintaining!!! surgery 9/25/2002 260/134
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatric_journey/welcome/ if you send a friend request on FB make a note that you are from OH - thanks http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=586438255&ref=profile
also www.facebook.com/valshealthykitchen
I am so happy for you. WOW, I didn't realize how much you were going through this past year!Thanks for sharing your struggles as well as successes!
Hope we can get together soon!
Hugs and Love,
Your Friend,
Lucy
484.8/383.4/241/188/150
Pre-op/RNY day/pre DS day/current/goal- Realize Band 5/15/08; RNY 6/8/05, Removal Band and RNY to DS 8/25/10. RNY & Band surgeon was Dr. Guske.
