question on what to tell small children

anyone have small children and has wls?  i have a 4 and 8 y.o.  my 4 y.o is no big deal, he won't remember mommy being fat.  my daughter is 8 1/2 and i think will still only have memories or "glimpses" of me being fat.  but my big issue is that i am thinking that i should not tell her that i am having wls, say i am having my gallbladder taken out or something like that.  being a girl, she looks up to me so much and although i know that seeing me make such a drastic change is empowering her, i somehow keep thinking that it is showing her the "easy way out" of things.  know what i mean?  she is a good girl, but can tend to be more sedentary that my son.  she is thin and is on a swim team and that keeps her thin too but it's hard to describe, she would rather just sit and play or watch when everyone plays chase, etc.  she tends to quit things when they get hard, as much as my husband and i encourage her, etc.  so i am worried that in the back of her head, she will either a: think that i took the easy way out or b:  think that when things get hard, instead of working harder, etc, just opt for the easy way out.  does this make sense??  honest opinions wanted here b/c i am trying to figure out what i will need to say to them in 17 days!!  THANKS!

I wouldn't lie to your kids.  But at that age they really won't understand the concept of WLS. I would just tell them that Mommy has not been feeling well and needs to go to the hospital so the doctor's cn help her get better. That's all I would say to them.  But  you need to come up with what will work for you and the kids. Good luck!

I can't go into alot here, because I have to leave for soccer.  I  have a 6 year old and she was 5 at the time of my surgery.  I told her that I was going into the hospital to have the doctors make me feel better and be healthier.  Not mentioning the lab band to her.  When I got home she was VERY upset w/ me that I was not honest w/ her and she said that I lied to her.  A few months prior, the school called me because Maddie told her teacher tht she was on a diet and I gave her diet pills for breakfast.  What was happening was that she was going to weigh****chers w/ me and she was eating the ww's sf candie and she thought that was medicine to get her skinny.  Now Maddie know's that I had the lap band and I feel very bad about not being open w/ her as we always say that we will tell eachother everything.  Yes, she now knows that I had wls, but in 10 years our life style will only change for the better because the wls and she will not remember it as much.  She will remember mom being the soccer coach and eating  and making healthy choices.  I tries the white lie thing and it didn't work for me.  If you choose to tell the kids about the wls, you might want to tell them that some things are private and the whole world dosn't need to know.  Maddie practicley gave a class presentation on the lap band!

Hope this helped a little!

Kim

First off, WLS is not the easy way out!  You've struggled your entire life and this is just a tool to help you to finally acheive what other means left you short.  Everybody on this board has had this struggle and gotten here through a ton of effort and pain.  We've made mistakes and we've finally become honest with ourselves and grown to realize that for whatever our personal reason, WLS is a needed proceedure to get us back to health.  If you can do it another, non-surgical way, then you should do it!  I have tried all the other ways I could think of, and this is a much needed tool for me.  There is no shame in that, and this is no shortcut or "easy way out".  That said, I agree with the others in being honest with your children.  Then, as you begin your journey towards proper nutrician and health, you can teach those lessons to your children.  I know that if I had a time machine, I would go back to when I was 13 and tell the younger version not to use food as a reward, and to stay away from all the junk that became my habits for the next 30 years.  Anyone who is reading this would probably agree that we've all learned the hard way.  I remember my parents telling me that if I didn'****ch what I ate, I would end up with problems.  I never believed them.  But you have the opportunity to show them the true results of improper weight management!  What an opportunity!!!  Surgery, even lap band surgery, is not a small thing.  It is a life altering event designed to save your life!  That's what I intend on telling my children in the next couple of weeks.  And then they will continue to be taught to eat healthy and nutricious foods.  Good luck.  Paul 

I agree with being honest to a point. but you do not have to tell your children everything.  for example - if someone is getting a divorce it would not be appropriate to say daddy was sleeping with a little tramp from work - but to say mommy and daddy have problems they cant solve and so are getting a divorce.  the approach on wls surgery I took was that I was having an operation so the dr could fix my tummy to make me feel better and healthier.  I was ( and still am raising my grandson who was 4 at the time - and he absolutley remembers gramm being fat. )  he has not connected that I had surgery  and them lost weight. my gastric bypass is not a topic I discuss with him, just like I dont discuss my other health issues with him - he also doesnt need to know I have osteopenia ( severe) or my issues with excessive feminine bleeding that required medical treatment, or that I recently had a serious cancer scare or the results of my mammogram or paps  smear. he also wouldnt need to know if grampa needed viagra  or had a prosate problem. we place way too much focus on the gastric by pass as almost a moralistic issue - the right and wrong and if it is the easy way out etc.  It is a medical procedure . period. and you have a right to privacy. period.  No one would question my endometrail ablation  treatment for my bleeding as an easy way out - I could have just put up with it and became more anemic by the month til I hit total monopause and it would have stopped - was that an easy way out?  is taking insulin for diabetes an easy way out ? heck no - so dont even give people and opening to judge you. the kids know gramm eats really healthy and they copy my habits to an extent. my grand daughter (6) always wants to know if something is a healthy choice  - knows she needs protein and calcium for strong muscles and bones. She never knew me fat.  they exercise with me. and think it is FUN.  they ASK to do yoga with me. they love to "play  "with my medicine balls lifting weights ( small)  bike riding - grandson got a new bike and so did I and we are all ready to hit the bike trails together - they also love going to the walking trails and playing together at the park - and I climb the slides and monkey bars with them.  you have the opportunity to show these kids a whole new lifestyle, incorporating activity into daily life and eating well all the time with out focusing on the need for a surgical treatment.

I don't have small children, but I do have a granddaughter that I have never lied to. So, she knows if she wants a questioned answered, or wants to know anything, i will be truthful.  I told her, when I decided to have lapband done, This was something I was doing for me, not anyone else. I wanted to get healthy and stay healthy. And I wanted to stay alive to do things with her as she grew up. The only other thing I told her was that I wouldn't be able to eat as much and if I over ate, I would get sick. This satified her. She is a bit older then your kids,  but it worked.

I told my five-year old that I was going to have my hernia repaired (the kids called it "Ernie"and loved to look at it.)  I said that when the doctor was in there he was going to make my tummy smaller so that I could be healthier and lose weight. He asked some more basic yet brilliant kid-type questions and I answered them and we've been solid ever since. He loves to talk about nutrition with me--he often tells me how many grams of protein are in something! We like to go to the health club or ride bikes together. My two year old just knew Mommy and Daddy were going out of town (had my DS in San Fran--"I left my stomach in San Francisco"--LOL). He was fine, in the loving care of my family. There's nothing easy about the paths we have chosen. WLS is not for sissies, that's for sure! I do liken our WLS to heart surgery. Very few people would begrudge someone a heart surgery, right? So why should we feel shame about this?  Your daughter will see you working your ass off to do the right things post-surgery. Give her some credit. And above all, keep the dialogue going about weight, exercise and nutrition. Get her exercising with you--doing fun stuff like biking and walking and talking with you.  Good luck on your surgery! Nicolle