I'm scared!!!!

I haven't even gotten as far as finding a surgeon, yet. I am just now working up the courage to see my PCP after over 5 years of not being ot the doctor for anything. God forbid the day when I really come down sick and need him, right?  Well, anyway, I have an appointment tomorrow morning after talking to a friend and nurse who works there and has been where I am at and has also been through bariatric surgery herself. I told her how scared I am of just getting past the scale because I KNOW it won't weigh me and that is just like the embarrassment of the year to me.  I am so scared just to go to the doctor. How crazy is that? I cry thinking about it. It just literally scares me to death. I'm scared to go. I'm scared not to go. I'm scared of what he will say. I'm scared of what he won't say. I'm scared to opt for bariatric surgery. I'm scared not to opt for it. I'm scared to lose weight because it is the only life I have ever known. I'm scared not to lose weight because I want to know what it feels like. I want to be healthy. I am just sooo scared. Sorry for being such a downer but thank you for listening. I needed to say this to people I know can understand exactly where I am because they are there or have been there. Thank you. Beth

Beth, This is a perfect place for you to vent.  Everyone of us have had some of the same issues. You will be fine. When you go tomorrow, tell him what you are there for first thing. and don't let him bully you.  Good luck and Hugs

Thank you so much for the kind words. I was told by my friend that I would find tons of support here from people who could completely relate to me and how I feel.  I don't think I will have any trouble with him bullying me. The last time I was there he made a comment like "at some point the benefits of surgery outweigh the risks" so I think he will be more than willing to help me. I just have to get over hte first obstacle, fear of my appointment tomorrow.  Thank you for being here. Beth

Hi Beth - It is scary and hard to admit we need help but you have to remember, your doing this for yourself.  You are heading in the right direction girlfriend.  I know how uncomfortable it is to go to the dr but you really need to get that anual physical even if you decide later that wls is not for you.  My sister went in for her anual physical back in November and was diagonsed with breast cancer.  Thank God she was doing routine physicals.   I was tipping the scales at 404lbs when I finally decided enough was enough.  I could not continue to live the lifestyle I was living nor did I feel it was fair to my husband.  I guess you could say I hit my bottom.  WLS was the absolute best thing I could have ever done for myself and my loved ones.  I've lost 200lbs and still have about 40lbs I want to lose but I'm here to tell you, life is so much more exciting these days.  It's an amazing journey and I wish you good health and happiness.  Please stick around and get the support you need and give the support others may need.   I'll be thinking about you, Christina

Beth, oh sweetie (((((HUGS))))). You are normal, many of us have gone through the emotional roller coaster that you are on right now. Like Lisa said this is the perfect place for you to vent. Come back often even if you only lurk and read. We are here for you. Christine

Thank you soooo much. I need this.  Well, I went to my dr today and it went well. They did my BP and so forth in a separate room for my comfort. That was great. I went in with a written list of what ails me. He loved that. Dr. mathur was totally onboard and agreed with me 100% that this was the only option at this point. My bp was 162/130 but he didn't prescribe meds because he said he couldn't tell how much of that was my emotional state but he was sure it was a large part. So, he asked me to have it checked 3 times a week for a few weeks under relaxed cir****tances and he would decide then. He did give singulair for sinuses and my prozac that I had been on before. He said that since depression usually went along with the surgery and they would want me in a stable mental state, he felt it was important. He prescribed 10-15 minutes a day of exercise but told me that even if I put my feet on the treadmill and got off each day, it was a start to setting a habit so to do what I could. He made me feel sooo good. I'm glad I went. Now, I have to go get my pap. UGH!!!!!!! Oh well, it could be much worse. Ok so this part of the battle is won, now I need to find a bariatric surgeon who accepts IDPA. I found one but it is a 2 yr waiting list. In the meantime, I am trying to incorporate certain aspects of the post surgery diet into my daily regimen like no caffeine or carbonated beverages, cutting back on refined sugar and portion sizes. I am upping my vitamins and using slimfast 1-2 times a day. If I can stick with this, I can do anything and like my dr said..I have to do this for me and me alone. I cna't depend on anyone else to motivate me and make me do it. I have to find this inside myself. It's ok to get support. It's important but I have to make the walk on my own. Wish me luck, Beth

Good for you Beth.. Your moving in the right direction.  Sounds like you have a good doctor w/ bedside manners.  That's hard to find these days. Christina

He's the best!