Married- God Fearing Advice

Hello All, I am on the LAP-BAND adventure. I am currently researching the procedure and have given my insurance info to the Dr. that I am considering for the surgery. I am awaiting a call back with the approval........I have 2 insurances and I'm praying one will come through. My dilemma is, my husband. I offer advice from any and all, but seek the wise counsel of a Chrisitan married woman who has had the surgery. My husband is totally against the surgery. However, I told him, you are not the one thats 100lbs overweight, have back, joint and tailbone pain, pre-hypertension, heel pain, a diabetic family history etc. He says that I'm taking the easy way out. At first I considered what he was saying until I found a family picture from about 10 yrs back and I was again really BIG. I would say I was taking the easy way out if this was my first weight loss attempt, but its not. Besides keeping my faith in God for my husbands support, how do I get his buy-in without seemingly going against what he thinks. I told him that he needs to support me on this. I want to live a long life for him and my family, but I cannot seem to do so in this state which has gotten worse. Any advice is good advice. God Love,

Hi Ms.W, I am Carla Klein and I dont think religion has anything to do with what your husband thinks or not. I didnt have support from my husband either, but he came around after I had my revision. Just remember you are not taking the easy way out!!!!! This is a life altering thing to loose weight and get healthy. You will believe me. I have lost 140 pounds and with the grace of god on my side, by the way I am Jewish, I got rid of my diabetes, joint pain, anxiety, and other things. I can walk more miles that I can count on 2 hands, I can stand on my feet for 8 hrs doing hair ( I just became a cosmetologist at the age of 51) I am in the process of moving to Chicago for a while to be with my daughter to do hair and get my Illinois liscense. I am a more healthier person and contribute to life and live it. Take my advice and do what is in your heart, I know being obese, Yes my highest weight was 285 in 1999 and now I am under goal at 140. I lived a life of not feeling well not wanting to do anything, asking everyone to do the things that needed to be dome to do it for me. I hope I am not being mean or putting in a blunt way, but be good to yourself, do what you have to do. Carla Klein 267 140 150 first number is the number I came home from the hospital at 2number is what I weight now 3 number is what my goal was I am 5ft 4 inches Dr Richard Tillquist Swedish Medical Center Englewood co

Karen, Thanks for your advice. It is important to know the benefits of the surgery. I do believe that religion is an important factor because you have to place your trust in God to get you throught the process. There are those that may believe you don't need to have the surgery, those that support and I need God to help me through it all. Thanks for your info. Its much appreciated. Bless You, Pam

I understand about christian wifely subjection, and I would never advise you to go against his headship. I also understand that he might think this is the easy way out but perhaps if he read some of the letters that come in from those who have had the surgery already and find that they are still struggling only with different issues he might change his mind. I have a christian husband who worries about the dangers involved however he knows how hard it has been for me to keep it off. I found out to day my medicare will pay and his insurance won't but he will have to pay the 992 copay for me. As my head and the head of the family he knows he has to do what he can to help me get healthy. There are dangers both ways but one thing for sure the dead can't give God glory. If I keep up the way I am now diabetic arthritic ect. I won't be around long so to me this is my chance to get this out of the way and get on with the real purpose I'm here,

Awesome Advice Sandra. Bless You for it. You are correct and you are right. If I keep this route who knows what will happen. Its about making the choice and trusting in God for a successful life in Him. May God Bless and Keep you, Pam

I think if you show him all of the documentation that your insurance will require prior to surgery that, that might just tell the story for him. Most insurance companies and Drs. for that matter want you to try a physician supervised weight loss diet, psych. eval. and all of the medical problems that have the possibility of improving. My mother in-law much like your husband was a doubter. But with the help of my sister in-laws we made her see the light. It's either have your son around for another 10 years unhealthy or have him around for 20-30 years healthy. Sometimes you have to enlist the help of other family members. I wish you the best of luck!!!

My husband was totally against me having surgery also, this was back in 2002, January. He basically thought I had lost my mind, that was his knee jerk reaction. Now, fast forward to the end of 2002 and he really started thinking about surgery for himself, he was super MO while I was a lightweight. He was totally on board by that time. It is a long story as to the length of time between when I first started thinking about surgery to my getting approval. But this process did not happen for him without him feeling that he had failed as a christian to go to God in prayer and ask Him with help loosing weight. With a lot of prayers from others on our production/programming teams at Willow Creek we were able to hear the Holy Spirit speaking to us with Him saying that this was the route He wanted Dave and I to go with. It has been a total learning process of listening to God through the Holy Spirit as to living our new found lives. We could have not done this without God's hand over the whole thing. Have him read Barbara Thompson's book and here is a link to something on her site that her husband wrote. http://www.wlscenter.com/Significant_Others.htm he needs to realize that this is not the easy way out that this is a hard life style to maintain. It in our opinions is far harder to do than if we were to not have had surgery. Without surgery you basically can just forget that you are on a diet and eat whatever you want whenever you want. You cannot do that with WLS, you have to exercise, eat properly and if you have RNY you have the constant threat of dumping and that will keep you on the straight and narrow of staying away from sugars and fats. The health risks that a MO patient faces without surgery are far greater to the person than having the surgery itself. Now of course that is an over simplified explaination but the benefits far outweigh the risks. What I believe that you husband is basically going through is an ignorance of the surgery and PO life. He needs a gentle education as to the pros and cons of WLS. You may need to set aside a time to sit down with him and ask him why he is so totally against surgery and then it can be your time to sit and educate him in a gentle manner as to why you feel that this is medically necessary for you. In Him, Chris ps - there are still people that he does not tell about his surgery or even talk about it with at Willow. They have said that it is not the "correct" route to go and that a person should take the weight off the old fashioned way, without surgery. Guess what these same people are the ones that could benefit from WLS but are still very over weight. We have also not told his family (they live out of state) about either of our surgeries because of his sister's reaction when I told her in 2002 about my desire to have surgery, hers was the same ignorant attitude that I mentioned above as to where her thinking was from. She would not let me explain myself at all, so therefore they do not know about us.

Bless YOu Chris, Willow Creek huh? Awesome Church......... Thanks for the link, it has awesome advice and its just good to know that my brothers and sisters in Christ experience the same things. Thanks you for your wealth if info. I f you don't mind, I'm going to add you all to my friends list. Bless You, Pam

Chris, I just love your example of faith. jeannine

Hi Mz. W ... I think educating your husband is the best thing you can do. I would also HIGHLY suggest bringing him to a support group meeting to meet others who have and are going through this. There are several support groups around Chicagoland (I attend a few ... there is one on the south side that I know of although I haven't been there yet ... I can forward you details to some of these groups if you're interested). At a recent group meeting, a woman brought her husband who had a lot of questions, and basically didn't understand why she just couldn't "eat less". Of course, he was rail thin. I asked him when he ate. He said, "when I'm hungry". Well, did you ever realize why pills such as Hoodia and Dexatrim don't work for most of "us"? Nine times out of ten we don't eat when we're hungry, its emotional, boredom, or whatever other mindless eating. Hoodia et al make you not feel hungry ... well, what good does that do if we don't eat just when we're hungry? This guy also asked a lot of other questions, which I found admirable, because he WANTED to know more. I actually was just impressed that he came. I also explained to him (and to the daughters of another person who was going through surgery, they also had a difficult time with their mom going through this), the majority of "us" are doing this for health reasons, not for superficial or cosmetic reasons. We don't intend to become supermodels, just healthier. Personally, I had my surgery at 41, and I don't see myself with any quality of life at 60 if I had kept on that course. How would your husband feel if you couldn't walk, breathe, were taking tons of pills, and you needed to be waited on for everything? Is that where you see yourself in 20 years? Or would he rather have you next to him, enjoying your life together in your golden years? As Chris mentioned, this is NOT the easy way out. This is not a quick-fix, rather a tool to get you started. It still takes a lot of work and to be completely honest, the surgery was actually the easy part. I am finding challenges now at 3-1/2 years out, but I still feel better than I would had I not had surgery, and if I were to do it again, I would. In a heartbeat. Seriously, I think he needs more information ... see if he'll be willing to at least do that ... for now. Good luck to you ... please keep us posted. karyn