I was given a Cadillac....

Now I want a Mercedes! No, not literally. This is something one of the men at support group said last night. Well, almost, I paraphrased it. We were talking about body image & how some of us are having a hard time now because we see the negatives or we just are not to where we wish we were. We want even more. He was saying that our surgeon gave us "a Cadillac" but we are not satisfied. That is my problem. I have come so far but I want even more & feel somewhat cheated that it hasn't happened. I really need to work on this. I need to realize & accept that I may always be overweight(by the charts) & not let it get to me. I need to look at all the good things that have come out of having the surgery & how much better my life is now & not worry about whether or not I will ever be "normal" weight. I NEED TO JUST QUIT WHINING ABOUT IT! She gave us some good ideas, I guess , & some nice handouts with suggestions to help us with body image problems. I'm gonna read them through but I suspect that it will all come down to just needing to change my view of what I want to look like & what weight I will be. Please don't resond with validations & pats on the back. I don't need them & I'm not asking for that. Instead, please tell me what you are doing, if you are the same position. How are you getting your brain & heart to accept that maybe you are not quite the success you were hoping to be? Dixie

I completely understand that... I equate it with having body issues after having kids. You may get back to your original weight (or close to it) but your body just isn't the same. My situation is probably pretty different than most. I had always been in very good shape - my weight was around 180, but I had pretty low body fat because of sports and weight lifting. Then I had my first child. My thyroid went nuts and I gained 60 lbs in 6 months - and this was after I had lost the baby weight! To make a long story short, we couldn't control my thyroid function and I gained and gained. So after all of that, I really didn't have an expectation of what I'd look like after losing the weight - other than what I had always looked like before having children. For a brief time though, I was at my normal weight after a pregnancy and knew that my body wasn't the same... Wow, does that make any sense to anyone else? Now I'm about 20 lbs lighter, but I still don't look as good as I did before - because the tone just isn't there. Although it isn't perfect, I'm dang happy about it. I think it has more to do with appreciation. I appreciate the body that I have now... I didn't when I was younger. Before I always worried about looking good - now that worry has shifted to the concern with being healthy. Maybe that's what makes my outlook more positive. Of course, I'm only about 6.5 months out, so I'm sure my glasses are still very rose colored at this point! I understand the thought - the grass always seems to be greener - whether it's a financial pasture or a weightloss one! Oh, humans, how difficult we make it on ourselves... Amy

Amy, "The grass always seems to be greener - whether it's a financial pasture or a weightloss one!" Oh, you are so right there! And I am so embarrassed to admit that. I am thrilled with what I have so far. I never could have done it & I honestly believe I'd be dead in a couple more years if I hadn't had the surgery. I was that bad. But I am just not happy with the status quo. I have worked very hard to lose my weight. I will be the first to admit I am not perfect. I slip at times but my gosh, I read of gals who never exercise and still get down to no longer being overweight. Why can't I do it by following the rules? I agree that we make it hard on ourselves. I don't know why I can't be happy with what I've accomplished. No one has ever told me I need to lose more weight, even though my hips & thighs are obviously large. Only I am the critical one. Dixie.

This probably won't make ya feel better, but here I go, opening my big mouth! What finally made me check out WLS was a long talk with a respected Endo... who told me everything that I never wanted to hear. Now keep in mind, I do have a horrific thyroid problem, but the message really is the same - I think at this point, after years of dieting, our metabolism is totally screwed up. Anyway his message was very clear and shocked me into reality. He looked me right in the eyes and told me that I simply wouldn't lose the weight alone. That weightloss is difficult for people - people who have a functioning metabolism, and mine doesn't work. Then he told me that my silver lining was the fact that in case of a famine, I'd live! I can see a bit of humor in that now, but at the time, it started the tears flowing. I really think that's the bottom line though - how each body reacts. There are those people who can eat and eat and never exercise and never gain weight. Some can eat and exercise and not gain - some can do everything right and not get to where they want. But I'm with ya for what it's worth - down with those non-exercising skinny healthy people!

Dixie: I know where you're coming from!! I am 2 years post op as of yesterday. I thought I'd be at my goal by now but it hasn't happened!! I am stil overweight, according to the weight charts I need to lose another 15 lbs to be at a "normal" BMI I know I should be happy, I'm almost 130 lbs less than I was, and am wearing a size 8 jeans, but still I'm not happy when I look in the mirror!! I thought i'd look better than I do in cloths at this size! I have alot of hanging skin on my abdomen, which I am trying to address. I am trying to get my insurance to approve a pannulectomy. I have been trying for 1 year. The first time they needed more documentation, so I go back to the Dr this week to talk about resubmitting. It's frustrating to be able to fit into the clothes and lingere I want to, but still looking like crap, because of the skin hanging down where it shouldn't!! I just can not afford to finance the plastics at this time, or I'd be doing it already!! My only hope is approval from the insurance co. I wonder if once the pannus is gone if I'll be satisfied then?? My breasts are so shrunken and saggy would love a lift there, and poss implants, and there's alot of skin on the inner thighs. I know we don't go through what we do for vanity, but hey we've worked hard to get where we are, and we deserve to be happy with ourselves!! I have no illusions, I know I wil never be a supermodel type person, but I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror!! I am accepting the fact that I might never be at my "ideal" weight, but I am not accepting all the skin hanging!!! I will be happy if I can get the abdomen addressed, guess I'll have to live with the other stuff, unless I win the lottery!! I'm sure some people would see us as vain and silly, but after a lifetime of self hate, we should be able to be happy and comfortable in our own skins!!! Good luck and hope you can find peace within yourself and be content. I know you don't want kudos, but be proud of what you've done. You've changed those things you weren't happy with, no matter what others think, and in doing so, have been true to yourself!!! DeeAnn R PS I'm wanting a mercedes myself!!!!

And you deserve a Mercedes too! We both do. Hang in there. I hope you are able to get your insurance approval. I can only imagine how much worse I'd feel today if I hadn't gotten rid of the belly hangover. Dixie

Hi Dixie I haven't been on the computer much the past couple of months and thought I'd pop in and see what was going on. You caught my attention with your headline. Anyway in response I do believe that we all have recieved a new body one that is healthier. I would do this surgery all over again in a heart beat just from what it has given me. I do still see myself in a negative aspect I still feel fat and see myself as fat. It doesn't help with the sagging excess skin, but I can't afford the surgeries and can't afford to be off work. I am so happy with my weightloss it exceeded what I ever expected. I am at 130-133 pounds depends on the day it fluctuates back and forth 3 pounds. I am so happy to go from 3-4X to a size 6/7. Never in my wildest dreams would I had thought I'd wear a size like this and my uniforms well a small is too big! I did get scared there for a while I got down in the 120's but Slowly I got out of there and have maintained the last 4 months. I guess where I work the people I take care of still let me remember that I was fat. Anyone new that comes in finds out by a certain person that I had weightloss surgery. That part really doesn't bother me I am more than happy to talk about my surgery and journey but lets focus on where I am now and my new journey. I guess it just makes me think about my weight I just want to move on. I don't know if that sounds bad or not, but I have worked hard to get to this point and just want to move on. I need to get my updated picture for the book at Dr. G office. I go for my 2 year post check next week. I just hope my labs come back ok. I have been trying to get all my protein in with food so we'll see if I need to go back on my protein drink. I am hoping to make it to future support group meetings my schedule at work should be changing so I can make it if it falls on the correct monday. Are you all done with your surgeries? I think the last time I was really on the computer was after your last surgery. Sorry I haven't had time. I wish everyone well and to all those having surgery. Kim

Hi Kim, Nice to hear from you. If you send me a new photo, snail mail or e-mail, I can get your page updated. I need to do that too but keep waiting until I "finally make it." You sound as if you are doing great. Isn't it funny how we are so used to being fat & ugly that we cannot be happy unless we have perfection or something close to it? I don't need to get to a size 6. I'd be happy with a comfortable 10-12 and I don't even think I'd look right at 155 which is when I'd no longer be overweight. I think I'd be too thin at that weight but I'd sure like to get to 160-165. Angie keeps saying not to pay attention to the BMI but what else is there? She says to get the body fat calculated. I did that a couple years ago. I guess it's time to do it again but I know that there is excess fat. I see it everytime I look down. So I find out I still have an excessive amount of body fat. How's that going to help when nothing I do makes it go away? I'm starting to think that the only way I'll lose any more is to get it sucked out and lopped off. It probably isn't an option for me anymore. In the back of my mind I was thinking about having one more procedure to help the thighs but I ran out of money & my job is going away in a few months & I'll never find one that pays as well so I won't be able to save it up for years. I had decided to either learn to live with it or lose it. I'm having a hard time with both options. I'll get through this. I just have to keep reminding myself just how much better my life is now compared to 2003. Dixie

Forgive me -- but I see all of you "skinny" people worrying about a last 10-15 lbs...and wonder if I'll be like that "someday"? I'm 4 weeks post-op today -- had to talk with the surgeon's office about a new return-to-work order, so took the opportunity to ask about rate of weight loss (naturally, I wi**** was faster LOL). I knew before I asked that the answer would be "everyone loses at a different rate" ::::::::::SIGH:::::::::::: But they did try to be enthusiastic when I asked if 30 lbs in 4 weeks was "good". I was able to attend support group the night before my surgery. All I could think was, "gee, all of these people are NORMAL -- what are they doing here?" The many before and after pictures that night were a real boost to my being sure that I was / am doing the right thing. Hopefully in a year or less, you'll all be calming MY worries about losing "just a few more pounds"..... Thanks for all the encouraging posts and emails........Cheryl

I had a very similar reaction last month to the support group. In my case, I got to know many of them before they lost their weight or early in their journey but I found myself thinking that very few people in the room looked like they had ever been overweight. Your day will come too, Cheryl. Don't be disappointed by "just" 30 lbs in 4 weeks. That is nothing to sneeze about! I don't think that is any less than normal. I understand that they in the office are getting very careful about talking numbers, probably because of crazies like me. People do lose differently. There are some who will lose very quickly at first & then slow down. Another will lose slowly but steadily for a long time. Both eventually get there (hopefully) or at least close to where they want to be. I suspect that next year we will be patting you on the back & reassuring you. I hope not though. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones who makes it there effortlessly. By the way, I am feeling a bit better tonight. I just have to learn that I can't always have what I want and this is one time that I may be disappointed. I've always been an overachiever. I need to be the best and usually will move heaven to get what I want. This time, it's out of my control & it's hard to give up that control. Dixie