never going to happen for me

I am so close to just admitting that this dream is never going to happen for me. I lost my chance at being a perm. employee at that job I said I had. I got a second chance in a different department, but now its going to be another three months of waiting for health insurance. I need to get this surgery. I need this to get me started on my way. WLS is going to do for me what nothing else has done. Its going to push me. WLS is like pushing someone in the pool to teach them to swim. They will either swim (change thier life) or drown (die or wish to god they did). I am completely out of control. I binge and then deprive. Binge and then deprive. I dont purge. But I get on my diet kick and will not eat hardly anything. I want so desperately to have my life back, and to just stop sitting on the sidelines. Thank you for listening, Amanda S-W

I thought the same thing. But....it did happen and now I am 5 and 1/2 months out and have lost 125 lbs (start 313 now at 188) Hang in there & good luck!

Dear Amanda, It sounds like you have a lot of "flux" in your life. When our basic sense of security--i.e. job and health care--are uncertain, everything seems worse. I hope as that stabilizes, you will also. But I hope you would consider some counseling in the meantime, even if it is only a few times. You don't want to spin out of control. If you can't afford counseling, you might try some good self-help books on "self-talk." They can help you identify "absolute" thinking that can be problematic even after surgery. If you think about using these three months as getting your head prepared for what you will face post-op, it can be a really useful time. Me, I'm rather slow. I spent a year just trying to "de-value" food. It wasn't to be how I defined myself (a gourmet cook), reward myself, punish myself, etc. I wasn't all that successful in changing what I ate, but it helped me make better use of my pouch now. All the pieces need to work together even if they aren't all ready at the same time. Best of luck, Sally