Confessions, ramblings, whatever!!!

Damn M&M's Two day is amazing tho I snort a bag of those down in minutes.....although I don't buy them often because of that. I am doing the counseling stuff.....I got some new pills, and I am talking with a seperate counselor also.....we have talked twice and I see her again on Monday. I am going to ask her to deal with my issues with food......right now she is dealing with my anxiety and need for perfection (yeah right ) But I would like to get down to business and talk about what affects me daily and ruins most of my days!!!! I bought vistas when I was newly post-ops but they were the chewables and were so nasty I gave them $90 worth, to a friend, she didn't like them.....I think we tryed to pass them to as many as possible before trashing them.....so I hadn't even thought of the others.....maybe it is worth a shot....you still feeling good because of them??? I too focus on a number (it had been 13lbs now 23lbs :`( ) but I think it is helping with the destruction.....I would love to be happy with me whatever the dial reads!!! We will learn, sooner than later hopefully!!!! Take Care jesi

Hey Jesi! We are all here for you! Sometimes just being a women carries more than we can handle! Our bodies are so complex and as women we carry all the emotional stress of our family besides our own! You are at such a busy time in your life right now. You will get busier and busier as your kids become more and more involved in things. You have gotten yourself to a healthy weight now even if you have added 10 back. I also think that the results of your surgery could still be hanging around. I think our bodies know we need the extra calories to heal our bodies so it holds on! I'm certainly no expert at this but I have been a dieting guru for the past 30 years! YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!!! We are here for you and admire you coming to post! Hey we aren't just here to listen to our successes!!! Big Hugs! Lezlie

Hi Jessi! Seems I'm always posting late LOL Anyway...your definately not alone in the way you are feeling!!!! I get the same thing, it seems as though everyone is waiting for you to fail. The old "did you see so and so has gained all her weight back" and it is so darn scary. I have been craving chocolate like no other, and I have vowed to clean up my act!!! last night I came home from parent teacher conferences STARVING...I hate that word and feeling...I loved it when I was just NOT hungry!!! Well, I get HUNGRY now!! I ate 2 cookies, some salsa, and my husband cooked ribs on the grill and I ate 4 or 5 bites, and I don't know if it was the cookies, the salsa, or that I didn't chew well enough but I got the tummy ache from HELL!!! I hurt so bad it brought tears to my eyes. I finally broke down and took a gas x which I'm not sure we're suppose to have!? But about 20 minutes later I felt better and crashed...which is what I do on the rare occasions that this has happened to me. I just want to sleep it off. and I do LOL Just hang in there Jesi girl and know your not alone...we love ya! Take Care, Debi

Ok Jesi... I have so been waiting to get together with you for support. You have become my light in this journey. You always write what I need to hear and you know what I need to do and what I will be dealing with after the surgery. I need you. And you being from my town, makes it more personal for me. Believe me.... when that gal died from "our" surgery, I had so many reactions. Not just my own (although the fear really set in...temporarily). People would say things like, "are you really going to go through with this surgery?".. or, like you, "did you hear what happened to so-and-so?" YESSSSSSSSSSSS... I know. But why would you even discuss this with someone that is about to travel the same road. ARGGGG!!!! This is a hard enough decision to make on normal cir****tances. Now this coming up. How can a person really think clearly? My fear has returned... I will not deny that. I need someone to help me through this time. Next Wednesday is my scheduled surgery date. You have come this far, you will pick yourself up and begin to realize that you are happy now. You feel better (health wise) and nothing is going to keep you down. You have so much more life ahead of you. Take advantage of your tool, and get back on the wagon. You hear!! haha Seriously though. You have my support. You have alot of people rooting for you to succeed. Not fail. You can do it. You can be the person that you really want to be. Just have faith. Terri