Confessions, ramblings, whatever!!!

I have been missing for awhile. I must admit I am feeling a little guilty actually! It seems like when I need support the MOST, I run away! As you know, I had plastic surgery and still not terrible happy with it. It has all been a little depressing and I have been using it as an excuse. I am up 10lbs from my lowest and can't seem to shake it, and it is scaring the crap out of me And me being one of the further out post-ops just feel guilty coming here giving support, when I feel like I am failing! Everyone around me see's the negative and I feel it too.....it is just like everyone is waiting for me to fail YET AGAIN at something. I went home this weekend.....and from at least 5 people (small town) the first thing out of there mouths was "Did you hear so and so died last week from YOUR surgery???" Then followed by "Look at so and so, and look how much she has gained" It is just all so hard to take....I hate being compared to everyone who has this surgery......I swear they are all waiting for me to fail.....and I am too I think I have failed so much in my life.....I am an easy quitter But I realize that I need to be here......I need to quit making excuses....and I need to jump back into the game......I don't want to please everyone by failing!!!! Of course my family is great......So heres my question to all of you.....What should I do now??? I hate exercise.....I try doing liquids....But I get hungry.....I have been dealing with lots of stress.....but it is calming down now So I can't blame that anymore......I need to take control and blast these 10lbs that don't wanna budge Any ideas are welcomed and appreciated I am gonna take some new plastic pics tonight so you can all see me two months out! Anyways enough rambling....hope all is well......ANYONE got any good plans this week??? I promise to be on more.....I do need this support as you all have become great friends! Take Care Jesi

Jesi, You're not alone! Since my last plastics I have put on at least what he physically removed. I suspect it's the inactivity because he hasn't released me to exercise yet but the old snacking monster is here too. But what frustrates me is that when I am careful & make sure all choices are wise, I still don't see the needle on the scales move the right direction. I tried a couple days last week to write down everything I put in to my mouth & that did prevent me from snacking. I need to get back to doing that. It did open my eyes to what I was eating & when I checked my claories discovered it really wasn't as much as I expected. That is what really frustrates me. How can you eat 1000 calories a day & gain weight? Today I am seeing the gastroenterologist for an evaluation. A couple weeks ago I had an episode of really intense pain & it scared me a lot. I've had an ultrasound to see if my gall bladder was bad but it came back negative. Now we're checking to see if it may be an ulcer. I've only had one relatively minor episode since the bad one so maybe it was nothing. After the appointment I am riding down to Des Moines with a couple gals to attend a seminar where one of them will be talking about her WLS & WLS in general. This is something she does for our surgeon. Now, Vickie is someone I admire. She has had such good results from her surgery & deserves to. She does everything right & it goes to show that if you follow the directions (& not cheat) you will be successful. I have heard rumblings about a CC gal who died but no facts yet. I've decided to not be concerned about it. Don't get me wrong, I sympathize with the family, but I also know that people do die from this surgery as well as any other surgery. This gal was supposedly a patient of my surgeon & if so, would have been his first fatality. I guess it had to happen eventually. He takes on some really difficult cases & has done, I understand, around 1000 since he opened his practice in addition to 400 or so that he did while in training. One is not that bad, unless of course, you are that one. Hang in there Jesi & keep trying. Something HAS to work. But know that you are definately not alone. Dixie

Don't give up, Jesi, I have had those feelings too. (I think maybe sometimes we all do). It is and will get better ( I hope). better get to class Take Care We all love you Jesi Lisa Young

Thank you Dixie so much! I hear ya.....my P.S. removed almost 7lbs of skin and up 10......how in the heck does that make sense??? It would be interesting to hear how your friend eats now.....maybe she could pop on here and give us some pointers.....I mean does she still measure out ounces and eat 4oz per meal or what??? And does she stick to mainly protein for every meal?? I know what I need to do.....just need to motivation I guess! I don't have any hard facts on the gal from C.C. but like I said at least 5 different people told me the same story.....apparently she was a diabetic and a jehovas witness.....she started to bleed and refused blood I guess at the last minute her hubby okay'd blood, but it was too late! And yes, it was your surgeon, but when someone refuses blood and is bleeding, not much can be done....she bled out! I feel terrible for her family and for your doctor Like you said, it can happen with any surgery! I remember when I had my group meeting with my surgeon someone said something about refusing blood due to religous beliefs, and my surgeon said that he would not do surgery on anyone without concent for blood....The lady got very mad, but hey that's his right!! In the end, he wants to be sure he can do anything neccesary to save a patient! On a different note....I hope they figure out what is causing the pain.....Good luck with that!!!! Again thanks for the encouragment!!! Take Care and have fun at the seminar jesi

(((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))) Ya know I have been feeling the same way and I wonder if this is just one more of the challanges we have with being almost 2 years out? Seems like all the fun is over with...instead of losing I only see the scale going up...very depressing!!! OK with that being said we all need to help each other out here and come up with a plan! If anything make ourselves accountable right here on the boards! Ive been lurking for quite sometime now so I guess this is my chance to get back in the swing of things again. Just know that Im here for ya and am going through the same things you are....we can do it gf! Take care, Janet

Jessi we miss you when you don't post. You keep us going. I'm sorry you have been down on yourself. That seems to be what us women think we need to do everytime something doesn't go right. It surely is our fault. Well its time we stop blaming ourselves and putting ourselves down. So what if we have failed in the past we are now new people and refuse to fail. But if gaining 10 lbs is failing then I don't see you as a failure. Our weight will fluxuate some and 10lbs is not that bad. Just don't let it go 10 more and 10 more and so on. Drink more water again maybe that will help. I know at our last support group meeting a couple of the gals that are 2 yrs and more out were complaining that they had gained those same 10 lbs. It doesn't sound as if it is so unusual. Keep your spirits up that is half the battle and when you can't come on here, we will do our best to help you as you always have a kind word and advice for many of us. Cindy

Oh, Jes, I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way!!! You know that I am always just a phone call away!! Now, do I really have to tell you this - or is it something that you already know................................often times, people get to a low weight and then rebound by gaining 5 or 10 pounds and then maintaining at that weight. You know that you are normal in doing this. How would you like to be gaining what I am now??? (I'm absolutely enjoying eating more!) If you really think that that 10 pounds is not where it is supposed to be, track your food more closely and make sure you are getting in your fluids. I know you hate to exercise, but try to be more active - an evening walk with the girls, standing at their soccer games instead of sitting, (if you do), parking further away from the door when you go to the store, etc. You know that I think you do wonderfully and you will continue to do well. You have more control over eating than I do. YOU CAN DO IT! Now, about failing, do you not realize this - - - - YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have reached your goal, have had plastics, have changed your eating habits, are a wonderful support for others, etc., etc., etc., etc.. WHAT in that makes you anywhere near a failure??? You just let those people that make comments know that you are different because you have made changes in your life. You didn't die during surgery and you aren't failing now. Just the fact that you came on here shows that you KNOW ways to get support for what is troubling you and are working on it so you WON'T fail!!! YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL - YOU WILL KEEP THE WEIGHT OFF - - YOU ARE WONDERFUL - - ya' hear me?????? There, now I'm off my soapbox! You know that you are loved! I'll call you soon. Bessings and peace to you, my friend, Andrea

OOPS - BLESSINGS to you! Don't know what a bessing is and not sure I would want to meet up with one in a dark alley any time soon!!! Andrea

((((((((((Jesi)))))))))) I think that a lot of our feelings are the same in this aspect...I feel like a failure because I have gained 29 pounds. I know that it is *mostly* baby weight gain (35 weeks, 3 days); but, my eating habits seem to have gone down the toilet, too. I have absolutely NO control over carbs anymore...and, with being on bed rest most of my pregnancy, I can't exercise (not really missing it either ). With having to take in as many calories as I need to for the baby, I've resorted to grazing...does not bode well for my post-pregnancy habits, does it? Not to mention I am hungry constantly now...even when I eat protein only. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we ARE normal for US...no one else lives in our bodies or minds...no one knows how we feel mentally/physically. After all, unless they have been through what we have, how could they? I plan on going back to the original 'pouch rules' right after delivery and doing the plateau buster, just to try to detox from the carbs, immediately after delivery (I will not be breastfeeding)...so, hopefully, I can get back on track, too. Thank you for posting how you are feeling and what you are/have been going through...though I'm deeply sorry that you are going through this, it DOES make me feel a little better to know that I am not alone...and, neither are you, Sweetheart! Love, prayers & (((Hugs))) ~~Sherry

Again, you seem to be reading my mind. I'm am so there. I hate exercise. My idea of exercise in turning the pages of a book! Are you going to therapy? I know we talked about that. I've been twice and go again next week. It seems to be helping. Last time she asked why I was so hard on myself and was I that hard on my friends when they fell off the wagon? So I'm really trying not to be so hard on myself. I still need to lose those last few pounds but I'm really trying not to obsess about it. One hour at a time. Last week I actually made a small bag of peanut M & Ms last 2 days! In the old days, they wouldn't have lasted 2 minutes! The bad news is that I did eat them. I know just almost exactly how much sugar I can eat and not dump. I'm beginning to think those last few pounds don't need to come off. I look okay now. It's just a number on the dial, right? Maybe our bodies think they need to be at a certain place and what we think is too low???? On another note, I had been feeling really tired. I started Vista Vitamins from Susan Maria's site and I can tell a difference in 4 days. I don't think I'm nearly as tired.