Hi

Well, can't believe it is already October and I have 7 days of Power Point class ( online college course), I'm just barely half way done, and the class is up October 10. I did get a tutor, but she is now saying she isn't quite sure what she is doing now. (she finally tells me that she has not taken any PowerPoint classes, and what she knows is what she has been playing around with. I again feel like a failure. I'm trying to keep my chin up. I am going to the Y today. If I don't do that, I would be sleeping. (Like I did yesterday all afternoon). I see my counselor on Friday in Des Moines. I am supposed to see Dr. Coster on Thursday, but having to cancel, because Dad is paying for it. The appointment was to see if I had insurance and get pictures taken. I have a $420 blood lab bill to pay, and they want more blood drawn in November. When I don't have the money, I don't think so. All the money have right now is coming from Mom and dad. It's not fair for them to pay. I'm going to the Social Security office this afternoon to find out if they know anything. I almost ended up in the hospital on Friday. My blood pressure has been quite low. I had a chance to take the United States Post Office test and I did take it. In the middle of the test, I started having a major anxiety attack, it hurt to breathe, my back hurt so bad, chest and stomach hurt like H**. Finished my test, then went back to school. About 1 hour later, I went to Walmart, and was in the checkout line, and I could barely keep my eyes open. I told mom and dad this, and they said if it happens again, I need to get someone to take me to the hospital. Well, I told them, "Well, I don't have the money, and anytime I say I have a doctor's appointment and say that I need a check to take, I get this attitude from them that says, do you really have to go? So, I said, I'll live with it, if I die, I die. I have been so down on myself lately. I have been slapping myself silly when I have these feelings. And telling myself that tomorrow will be a better day. Half the time, the next day is worse then the day before. Well, sorry again. Seems like all I do is vent on here. Life has to get better, right? Well, better get to my PowerPoint. Take Care And again thanks for listening. Lisa Young

Hang in there and don't knock yourself down we all need to vent and it is ok. I would get your blood pressure checked often it shouldn't cost you anything to go into the dr office or hospital for a blood pressure check. Are you lacking in iron or b12? I would seriously get it checked the next time you have a spell like this. Take care Kim L.

Hi Lisa I agree with Kim. Take care of yourself! You can even go to Walmart and get your blood pressure taken just make sure you rest (sit down) a few minutes before you take it . Your health is worth every penny. Try not to beat yourself up too much on school. Easier said than done I know but you always have next semester. It would be a good idea to go and get a lab done on your blood and make sure your not lacking any important vitamin. I know sometimes it is hard to take care of yourself when you are depressed with school but remember you are the only one who is going to take care of you! And you are worth it. Take care sweetie! I go the Y too. Maybe I have seen you? I go to the Dubuque Iowa one. Angel

Lisa there are periods in our life where everything seems like it is going the wrong direction. And sometimes it really is, but there are also people out there that can help us change the way we are feeling. I have been in your shoes many times. Not with school, just the feelings of doom, and gloom. There are many wonderful medications also that can help us get through the ruff spots. You don't have to feel this way. If you are paying this tutor to help you and she doesn't know the class, fire her or him. That can be a hard thing to do also I know. But you don't need the extra stress. Your parents wouldn't do these things for you if they didn't want to and love you. My parents still help me at times and I am 49 years old. They tell me it is part of my inheratance (spelling) and they enjoy doing it. It makes them feel better. The only price to pay back is what we feel, not what they expect. Which can also make you feel down. Don't let it get to you. You will someday be able to help them in ways that money can never take the place of. And probably you are already doing more than you realize now. Please vent all you want and need to. What else are we here for, if not to listen and help each other. Remember you are a great person. You are willing to help others with their questions and you are now a looser. You could be on the otherside of the scales but you were brave enough to do the surgery to help make your life better. Keep your head up and know we are here to help when we can. Hugs Cindy G.