Letters to family

Before your surgery did you write letters to your family, just in case everything didn't turn out alright.

I never gave it a thought that it wouldn't turn out ok. But if you have something you want to say to your family you should go ahead and say it or write it. Even if you weren't having surgery. Those things need to be said and down because one never knows day to day what will happen. Keep positive thoughts about your surgery. Do you have health problems that your dr. told you, you might have complications? Know in your heart that all of us here will be praying and pulling for you the day of your surgery. Everything will work out you will be on the loosing side soon. Its only natural to be nervous. Take care and try not to worry. Cindy G.

Hi Tracie, When I first heard about doing this I decided it wasn't for me. I think it's just morbid. Why anticipate the worse? Would I consider doing this before giving birth or having a routine elective surgery? No, I automatically figured I'll come through it. I felt I should do the same here. The odds of dying are very small. I feel it's best to concentrate on the positive side before going into surgery, any surgery. Why go into it all depressed and fearful? I made sure my family knew I loved them, gave my husband and sister a hug & a kiss before going into surgery & that was it. They didn't need a letter to read if I died to know how I felt about them. I firmly believe that you need to have a positive outlook when having something like this done, maybe just to keep you relaxed & confident in your surgeon's skill. I've had 4 surgeries in less than 2 years and another one just a few years before. I never once considered that I may not survive, and one of those surgeries was because they thought I had ovarian cancer. I sincerely believe that a positive outlook goes a long way toward recovery & why not start that positive outlook before surgery? Now, to muddy the waters some, while I was preparing to have my WLS, my mother was dying of colon cancer. In the months before her death, she prepared us for everything after her death. She listed all her "treasures" and told us who they all went to. She chose all the hymms for the funeral & even worked with the soloist so she knew exactly what she wanted. The minister had no trouble preparing the service because of all the instructions she gave him. And speaking of instructions, she wrote some to be read to her descendents at the funeral & also the graveside. She had a book all filled out for my sister who was in charge of the estate. The lawyer was dumbfounded but the taking care of the estate went without flaw & absolutely no auguments between us kids. No hard feelings at all. Mom, however, did not write individual letters to her family and I'm glad she didn't. I think it would have been almost impossible to read something that personal from her. Now, two years after her death, I am starting to be able to watch her on videos. It hurt too much before. I am glad that she did what she did though. So, my opinion & an experience with something similar. Which is best? I don't know. I guess you have to decide what you want to do & then do it. Whatever you decide is what's best for you. But, if you do decide to write the letters, please do it as soon as possible, put them away, & then concentrate on surviving the surgery so you can throw them all away, unread. Good luck Dixie

Don't get me wrong, I am being positive, but it is a high risk surgery. I know I'm going to go through this with flying colors. I just thought about doing this.

Hi Tracie- I've done it - for me, it has absolutely nothing to do with not being positive. I have no real fears of surgery at all... I do have fears of my three kids not having me the rest of their childhood. For me, it is a way of knowing things that I want them to know, should something happen. Honestly, that could be during surgery or any other time. My best friend died the morning after our 10 yr class reunion. She left three children behind... to make it worse, her youngest daughter had died almost exactly two years before. Those poor kids... but she wrote each of them letters after her daughter had died. As far as I know, the oldest (he's the only one that knows about the letters so far) has not opened it. I don't know. It is a very personal thing. Most of my relatives are dead and I'd give anything to have a personal letter from any of them - especially the ones that died when I was younger and didn't know as well. Amy

I did it.......not because I planned on dying, I didn't, but just in case.....my kids were so young and I wanted them to know how much I loved them. It was hard......I stayed up late one night.....writing them all......I cryed a lot.....but then it was over and I had only positive thoughts from there on out......Some people do, some don't.....it is a very personal decision......of course my folks and hubby knew how I felt and I am sure my kids knew I loved them.......But I wanted to be able to tell them over and over again.....the letter was a way I could do that....Good luck and Take Care Jesi

My sister wanted me to do this because I didn't tell my parents about my surgery until after the fact. I didn't though. My energy level was so low due to all my medical problems so I didn't really feel like it. The mental energy it would have taken was just too much for me. So I didn't do it. And everything turned out fine. My sister just wanted me to do it because she didn't want them to find out that she knew about my surgery and didn't tell them...if anything happened to me. I figured they knew I love them and the chips would just have to fall where they may. I had this surgery to try to save my health and I didn't need any more stress than I had already. So I didn't write the letters. I guess it would have been a nice gesture on my part, but I just wasn't up to it. Good luck, whatever you decide to do. Joni 365/326/150