Thanking you again and sharing yesterday

Dear Family, Thank you again for all of your support. You'll never know how much this has meant to me. I want to share something with all of you. Yesterday was Jash's celebration of life (not funeral) & I was very very impressed with the service. A younger minister gave the service, in fact I thought he was one of Jash's friends dressed in a suit & tie! This young man made us all laugh & cry & there was more laughter than crying. He covered all basis of mourning in a way that lightened the weight off our shoulders. Jash was 27 yrs old & most of the kids that were there hadn't experienced a death of a young person before. He said it was ok to go out in the country & shake your fist at God, be angry, scream & shout. The older folks that were there were just cringing at all the laughter. I told my mother-in-law after the service I thought the laughter was fantastic as it is part of the healing process. He let these kids know it was ok to laugh & get on with their lives, they would never get over Jash's death but they would heal in time. The minister didn't know Jash but I have to say the service he delivered you would have never known, he spent time with the family getting to know Jash & put together the best service I have ever heard. There were well over 200 people at the wake so I didn't expect that many for the celebration. Was I ever fooled as there were 200 people plus, standing room only!! Does the heart good with all the support from everyone. You could almost see the old ladies hair perming itself with some of this, the laughing & joking. It was a true celebration of the life Jash led. Now some of the way these kids were dressed was another story!! But I'm from the "old country" on this. I was brought up you wore a dress to church, it took me years to bring myself to wear a pair of slacks to church. For the wake I wore a denim jumper, I'm ok with casual dress for this & yesterday a black skirt with a white blouse. So were the other "older" ones but the kids were another story with their t-shirts, shorts, capri's etc. And those old ladies were whispering amongst themselves! Jamie & Jason, my other 2 step-kids chose the music, Angels Among Us & Bother. Whew did that get the ladies going!!! Especially when the friends joined in & sang. There was a lunch afterward & all of Jash's friends were meeting at the river following the lunch, going to Jash's favorite place for their own rememberance. And the minister was invited as well! He really made an impression on the kids. I wanted to share this with everyone here. With your prayers, thoughts & support these past few days it has been a big help. I have passed all of this onto Loren as well. My local friends have been so supportive also, Gary had me come to the shop & made sure my hair was fixed for the wake then had me come in yesterday morning for the "fluff" on it. The gals I coffee with were just fantastic in their support as well with all kinds of offering's. I apologize this is so long but I needed to share. We as parents & grandparents never expect to bury our children or grandchildren before our time, but in reality that's not so. Thank you all again. I had so many emails & so many of you posted your thoughts & prayers. I'm not going to answer them individually but I want you to know that I'm thanking each of you on this long post. It has meant alot to my family & me for each of you to be so supportive. Hugs Carolyn

Carolyn, I am so glad the celebration went well. It is so hard when a young person dies. My 28 year old son had to experience this when he was just 14. One of the gals in his Sunday School/ Confirmation class died in a car accident. In a small town everyone knows everyone & so her whole high school attended. As one of her confirmation teachers, I sat with the confirmation class. Just last month her older brother was killed in Iraq and my son commented to his wife that he learned of Brian's death the same way he learned of Amanda's, on TV. It's been 14 years since she died & I was surprised that he remembered that fact. It really did affect him. My Mother succumbed to colon cancer just about 2 years ago and Dad to a heart attack 6 years earlier. Their funerals were a celebrations of their lives also. At their church they invite anyone who wants to say something about the deceased & how he/she affected them, to get up & tell everyone. At both Mom's & Dad's funeral, I was asked to get the ball rolling. It wasn't long & people were laughing & I was too, through my tears. It was nice to recall the little special things about them and even nicer to hear the good things the people said. Sure made for a long service though as many people had things to say. Every once in awhile I take out the CD the church made so I can listen again. Shortly before Mom's death somone from her church's media department came & interviewed her about her faith and videotaped her answering. Just last week I got a copy of the DVD & watched it. Oh, it was so nice to hear her & see her again & to see how good she looked & how funny she could be even though she had just been told her days were short. I am so thrilled they did that. I will cheri**** forever. I am sure that only the "uptight" were concerned about dress yesterday. It was just good that his friends were in attendance. I'm sure it would have meant so much to your stepson. Dixie

Morning Dixie, Hugs to your son & to you as well. It's horrible to hear this tragic news on the tv. I was so worried Katie might hear it at school I called down right away to make sure nobody had a tv or radio going during noon hour. Thankful also for the small town we live in. They even offered to have the school counselor break the news to her, but this was for me to do. I wish so much that we could have re-corded my mom's & both my brother's funerals. They had me so doped up I have little memory. I also lost my mom to colon cancer 9 years ago. I would love to hear her voice just one more time. Dad & I are the only ones alive in my immediate family as both of my brother's were killed before their time, Neil was 21 (would have been 22 in just a few weeks) & Kenny was 37. (which I can do now) thinking of those ladies! Loren & I talked of this yesterday & had to laugh over them. The younger generation out numbered the "older" generation by far. I know the way the minister was probably got to them as well, my mother-in-law said as much. Things are much different than when we were growing up for sure. Dad & I had a long talk after the celebration & he wants his to be the same way same as me. Use to be you went to the funeral home & the funeral & you could hear a pin drop. Not Saturday. Jash's death has been ruled as a suicide & we are having a hard time dealing with this, the investigating officer told Loren there was no way but the coroner says it was. In our hearts we feel it was an accident & no matter what the ruling was this is what we have to believe in. I'm quite worried about Loren. Time will heal I know but right now it's another story. Thank you for your support Hugs Carolyn

It sounds like the celebration of Jash's life helped everyone cope with his passing. When my 10 yr old son died from a failed heart transplant we had a celebration of his life also. His 4 th grade classmates participated in it to help them cope. Some of my older relatives were not real happy not having a "Funeral" but I told them to deal with it. Also everyone was to wear bright colored clothing because he didn't like dark colors. Even the 4th grade class mascot was there wandering around. It was a big rabbit named bugs. Bugs would wander around their classroom all the time. I remember something funny my son told me one day about bugs. He said "Mom, why does bugs like to go around and grab our legs and rub up against it"? I could hardly keep from laughing when I tried to tell him it was bugs "special" way of saying he likes you. I bet the teacher had fun trying to explain it to all of them. My son passed on in "95' and I miss him very much. Cindy

Biggest of hugs Cindy. I have lost 3 babies, twins I miscarried & a daughter full term stillborn. I don't care what age our "babies" are it is no less of a hurt. And we never quit missing them. Bugs played a big part in the kids lives it sounds like And it's those nice memories that keep us going. I think it's wonderful you had his classmates involved it helps them cope so much better, & the bright colors? What a wonderful idea & Bugs being there was fantastic! I think especially for the younger kids keeping things as "normal" as possible is the best thing. And what a wonderful rememberance they have as well as you & your family. Hugs to all of you. Carolyn