Anger issues...

Hello Everyone, I really don't know why I am posting this...other than the fact that my Mom was the only person that I really had to talk to that understood me and accepted me completely for who and what I was... I have so much anger in me right now that I cannot cry, sleep, eat, etc. I will try to explain why without making this too long... When my Dad died in 1995, we had been expecting it for a very long time (expecting it and being prepared for it are two very different things)...he was 93 years old and had lived a long and good life. I had no anger in me then...only sorrow. When my niece died in 2002, I had anger in my heart for God...who else did I have to blame for a one-vehicle car accident? I turned away from God and swore that I would never step into a church again. I discovered that I must actually still believe in God on some level since I made sure that she received Last Rights (even though she was already gone by then). Now that my Mom is gone...who do I have to blame? The nurses that did not give her her medication to help prevent her from going into congestive heart failure? Yes, I do...though, I know with open heart surgeries there is always that possibility, no matter what precautions are taken to prevent it...She would not have needed to be put back on the respirator if she had not been having such a difficult time breathing; and, they never got her pulse back after intubating her for the respirator...they did not give her every possible chance at survival that she should have had. I am discovering a few things about myself...I am not a strong person (or, at least not as strong of a person as I thought I was), I have a need to hold someone/anyone accountable for things that happen...for the life of me, I cannot believe that bad things happen for the best. I saw the fear in my Mom's eyes before they intubated her and I held her face in my hands as they performed CPR to try to bring her back...I was with her as she passed away and I kept telling her over and over how much we all loved her... I also have a serious issue with one of my brothers...he lives in LA and did not even bother to come back for our Mother's funeral...It did not take much to make my Mom happy...a phone call, a short visit, Holiday get-togethers...small things meant more to her than anything money could buy...Family was the world to her; and, it hurt her when we did not get along with each other. When my Dad passed away, I had her to help me through it...I do not have that now...my son just does not understand (he still thinks that she is just sleeping), my marriage is in a shambles and I really do not care about anything right now (except my son)...the only thing that is getting me through this is my prescription of Xanax...but, I was not even able to cry at my own Mom's funeral... Anyway...thank you for listening... ~~Sherry

I am so sorry for what you are going through! I know for a fact anger is a learned trait, or maybe even inheritted! My biological father is a very mean and bitter man, who also happens to be an alcoholic! I have a lot of his traits that I would rather not......I have a terrible time holding grudges.....when someone makes me mad or does something to me or anyone I love, that is all! I wish I didn't act and respond this way but I do....I try so hard not to have the feelings and resentments I have, just to let stuff blow off of my back, but it does not work! It sounds like you and your brother both might have the same anger problems......As mad as he might be, he will be the one who has a hard time forgiving himself for not making it to your moms funeral! It is hard to say why we all act the way we do! Our best shot is getting over it, but I know first hand it is alot easier said than done.......I just don't want my girls to end up having the anger problems I have.....I am trying to stop it all now! I looked up Fairbank and it looks like we are an hour and twnety minutes from eachother.......easy drive! We should get together sometime! When do you have to go back to work? I would think about counseling for you and your son......You for the obvious reasons and your son for the fact he just lost grandma, and that his folks marriage is in shambles....the little guy might just need soemone to help him put it all together and not blame himself! Take care of yourself and your son....I am here if you need anything! Jesi

Sherry, Boy woman i wish we were closer i would give you both my shoulders and you could yell at me if you needed to....i know what you mean about being angry cuz of death. I was so angry when my sister died when she was 17 and she died in her sleep. so it is natural to go threw so many emotions now.... i am here for you no matter what...............Lynda

Sherry, Biggest of hugs to you. If you read my profile you will read about the deaths I've had to deal with. Blaming for a death is really quite natural, we need to lash out at someone or something. I lost my faith also so know where you are coming from. I'm sorry about your brother, family is so very important. I could go on & on but I won't. I think death is a little easier to deal with when the person is sick or old, you don't want them to suffer any more. A younger person's death is much harder to deal with. Not that you loved an older person any less. I really hope your brother comes around. My own daughter's dad didn't come to her funeral because "he couldn't deal with it" as if I could! Please keep in touch, we are here for you. Hugs Carolyn

Carolyn, I know how painful this time if for you right now. Please know I deeply care about your hurting even though I don't know you. I know you are mad at God honey, but He did not punish you or your mom by allowing her to die. It was your mom's time to go on into eternal life and while it is incredibly painful, it's not God's fault she died. Yes, He did allow it to happen. He has his reasons and we cannot begin to understand them. God does bring good out of every bad situation, although it may not be apparent right away. And the good He brings from it may be unknown to you now, and maybe not ever. Just remember, your mom's body died. But her soul lives on in eternity and you will see her again. We grieve for ourselves, and that is normal and natural. And it does bring anger. I know I was the angriest with my father after he had been gone 6 months. Angry that he killed himself by being an alcoholic. Mad that he robbed us of many more years together. Angry that he stole those years away from knowing his grandchildren. Mad that he left my mother alone prematurely. But God had his reasons for allowing it. It is completely normal to grieve so deeply. Let yourself heal. It takes time. But I promise, it does get better, just give it time. You are in my prayers. jean

I'm sorry, I wrote my note to Carolyn, but it was Sherry to whom I was responding. Please forgive me. jean

Sherry, I don't really know what to say except that we are all here for you anytime. I know that I was angry at my dad when he died. He had lung cancer from heavy smoking. I was mad because he wouldn't or couldn't stop smoking and mad because he left me too soon. He was the one who nurtured us when we were growing up. You will learn, in time, to deal with the anger. If you don't, it can consume you. Don't hesitate to seek help to manage this. You've been thru an awfully lot lately. Please let a professional help you deal with all this! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.