How do you handle this?

Now that I'm approved for surgery, I've been struggling with the issue of "telling people" and not sure how to handle it... On one hand, I feel ashamed that I "have" to have this surgery. I feel like when I say 'I'm having WLS' what I'm really saying is more like 'I'm so overweight that surgery is my only answer at this point. I'm so pathetic.' On the other hand, I'm proud that I have addressed this health issue and am responsible enough to correct it in a major way when other ways haven't helped. Yes, I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I just can't stand knowing that other people will know this about me because I'm such a private person, and I really don't like a lot of attention (good or bad). Yes, I know that when I tell people not to discuss my health issues with others that it shouldn't happen, but I know better than that. My fiance couldn't help but blab to his mom...all I asked is that he keep it quiet until I know for sure I'm going to do this. Once his mom knows, the whole rest of his family will know. Same thing with my mom. I haven't said anything to her yet, but I know once I do, then MY whole family will know. This is bothering me to the point that I don't know that I want to have the surgery because I can't stand everyone knowing about it. Please share your thoughts on this... I just don't know what to do...

I'm not approved yet, but I I know what you mean. I have only told a couple of people that I am close to and I made sure I reinforced with them that this is to be considered PRIVATE INFORMATION. I don't know why I am so embarassed about this. I guess, like you, I feel so embarassed that this is the only option left for me. That I am such a looser that I have to resort to cutting my stomach up to stop my eating and weight gain. There is certainly a level of disgrace that accompanies this treatment, and I am just not used to discussing my weight so openly with so many health care practitioners. I am private with my weight and everywhere I turn people want to know how much I weigh. I don't know the answer, just know I'm there with you. jean

Thank you.

I am approved and am just waiting for a date, should be before the end of the year. I too have / had 'issues' with who to tell and when. My immediate family I told right away and they are all very supportive. My co workers I told overtime, 3 of them that I am closest too I told before my parents. My sister has liked to flap her gums about it, which I didn't really want. And I know my co workers talk about it. (they are all beefy, well toned deputies....) But I also KNOW it is out of concern for my health, not just idle gossip. My concern / fear is that I will be having a hard enough time adjusting to the new lifestyle, I don't need a bunch of nosy people 2nd guessing me. My health and choices are my business. I have also had that nagging thought about being so pathetic that I have to mutilate my body. But I tell myself that it isn't mutilation. It is a tool. I joined Weigh****chers and thought it was pathetic that I had to pay a skinny minny $10 a week to tell me, an intelligent adult, how, what and when to eat, then chastise me when I gained a pound. I am NOT knocking WW, it is a good program, my brother has lost 35 lbs. It just isn't for me. But anyway..........please don't feel pathetic. We do this for ourselves, first. You are WORTH it! Whenever I have doubts I look at the before and after photos. I also read profiles, especially the profiles of the gals on here, Andrea, Jesi, Carolyn, and all the others. Reading about how they have handled issues that I know we we will confront soon, helps me tremendously. Chin up, we will make it through, and to he$$ with what other people think! Hugs Sheila

Lizard Girl: Please don't let other people and their opinions keep you from having this surgery. It is a life saving surgery, and nothing to be ashamed of!! It takes a lot of guts to confront our obesity, and make this decision!! It is NOT the easy way out!! At least you're admitting you need help, and getting it for yourself!! You do not need to explain your decision, or defend it to anyone. If you were diabetic, or needed a hernia repaired, people would not think poorly of you, for seeking medical care, this shouldn't be any different. I had open rny surgery 4-2-40. I told my family, and some of my coworkers. You only need tell who you want to know. Now that I've lost 109 lbs, alot of people are asking me about my weight loss. At first I was embarassed to tell them about my surgery, but am now comfortable enough that I will tell people about my surgery. I have pretty much got all positive comments so far. I tell people that I had to make this choice for my health, and am happy with the results. You only need to tell who you want and don't feel you have to defend your choice-you don't!! It is a little embarassing getting all the attention I have been, since My weight loss, but in a nice way!! I'm proud of what I've done, making the decision to have the surgery, and starting a program of exercise, and healthier eating! You should be too!! Hold your head high, and do what you need to do for YOU!!! Good luck!! DeeAnn R.

Ladies, Please don't be ashamed that you are having this surgery. Yes, it's true that after a certain point it is almost impossible to get back to normal weight. Our physiology changes after a certain point. However, it takes a lot of courage to have the surgery & it isn't a free ride afterward. You will work hard to lose your weight (SURPRISE! It isn't going to happen without a lot of hard work!) It will be the hardest thing you have ever done for yourself & I speak as someone who has had almost no problems. I was not ashamed to have the surgery & I easily told people I was having it. It is common knowledge around my place of business that several ladies have had the surgery or are planning to have it. I don't believe anyone has been treated badly because of it. I have heard personally only positive remarks about my surgery & the way I look now. People who don't know me personally have stopped me & commented on my changes. Many have asked questions & I am happy to share my experiences with them. Some of those who asked are now awaiting their own surgery. In addition, I live in a small town & long before I ever had the surgey people were aware I was scheduled for it. I'm sure that there are people who feel it was the easy way out but I don't care. They haven't said it to me & if they ever do, they will nicely get an earful about how "easy" it is. Dixie

Isn't it amazing that people you barely know feel the need to comment on your choices and life style? Haven't they got better things to do than offer opinions that no one asks for? I guess at this point I feel- let em talk! At 380 pounds the meer thought of losing all that weight defeated me before I even began. Best advice- surround yourself with people that are upbeat and can support you no matter what your decision. I would have this surgery again in a heart beat. It has meant that I can walk at least a mile a day, and not look forward to living the rest of my life in a wheelchair. And when people now a days say they are "proud" of me, I say don't bother. If you weren't proud of me at 380, don't waste your time being proud of me now. I'm proud of me now, and that's all that really matters. Good luck! Jeri H.

Morning! I think it's important for YOU to keep positive about surgery. You are NOT a failure when you turn to WLS, would you feel the same if you had cancer & turned to chemo? Think not! Obesity is a disease & it's hard for some people to accept that. I agree, surround yourself with the positive supporters in your life. AND it is just a tool, it's hard work to lose & keep off the weight. In a few months time you will be sharing "wow" moments with us! I promise I will share one I had yesterday, former school teacher & principal who hadn't seen me since surgery (4/20/04). She looked at me & said Carolyn??? Personally love the wow moments! I graduated 30 plus years ago so it does this heart wonders when I have "wow" moments from those people of the past. It isn't unusual to have some doubts before surgery. We are here to support you, some may even visit you or call you. You will find that we on the Iowa board will become your family & support you all the way. In a positive way. Looking forward to welcoming you to the losing side of life. Keep us posted & if you have any questions feel free to post or email. That's what we are here for. Hugs Carolyn -75 lbs

Lizard, Hi - Wow - you are having a lot of conflicting feelings about your surgery, which, I might add, is absolutely normal. You are not a failure at all and the surgery is truly a life-saving choice that you have made. You will have to dedicate your life to healthy lifestyle changes once you have the surgery. That is what I kept falling back on when those doubts and odd thoughts would cross my mind. With this surgery, there is NO turning back (ok - yes- a rare few have to have it reversed, but generally speaking.........). I had the surgery and now HAVE to follow through with the changes or I will be sick, not have as good of a weight loss as desired, or, screw up and gain weight back in the long run. That scares me beyond belief. However, I chose this and am committed to this. Life is different for myself and my loved ones now because of it - all for the better. Making the decision to have surgery is the first step in an exciting and challenging journey. Whether you choose to tell anyone is absolutely that - YOUR CHOICE. I am very open with others about my choice to have surgery and all of the HArd work that I put into being successful. I will also remind anyone that asks or comments that it is NOT the easy way out and how much work it truly is. Hang in there - your journey has just begun and we're here for ya! God bless, Andrea

Thanks to all *****plied. I appreciate it. molly