Emotional rollercoaster

anyone else on one? I sure am! I don't know if any of you remember last spring, I was desparately looking for my birth mother, I knew her name, but she had been remarried. I knew I had siblings in the des moines area, but didn't know for sure how to go about contacting them, or even if I had a right to disturb their lives. Well, I took a leap right before my surgery and contacted the one brother I found on the internet. it really was him! His wife and I began corresponding last spring. My birth mother still wanted nothing to do with me...BIG blow to ones psyche...but hey, I figured relations with 1 of the 4 siblings I knew about was better than nothing. Fast forward to now...a few weeks ago, actually. I got a letter in the mail from a girl named ...well, maybe I shouldn't name names...anyway I will call her Sarah...Sarah was writing me because my birth mother had dies on 9/16. She had had breast cancer, didn't go to the dr, waited FIVE years til the pain was too bad, and they couldn't do much for her...it had already spread. What a let down. I mean if I had only pushed harder, tried harder earlier on....the creepy thing is we were supposed to close on our house on the 15th, but it had to be post-poned a day because of paperwork...we closed on the 16th...the very same day she died. So, this Sarah continues to write to me, and has called me at work. She wants us to get together the first part of November...she has pictures to show me and wants to develop a relationship with me. Of course I am leary of this...I can't handle being rejected again, but I am SO SOOOO desparate to know more about the family...especially medical history. I wonder if this is what has been weighing so heavily on my mind?...gee ya think?...I just can't concentrate on anything, at work especially, and am constantly doubting every move I make. Anyone have any words of wisdom here? I could REALLY use some now....

Tracie, Unfortunately, I do not have any words of wisdom for you but I admire that you did decide to find your birth family. I am adopted but really do not have any desire to find mine, at least not at this time in my life. I feel that I am with the family I am supposed to be with. I wish you luck in whatever decision you do make about this. Do you have any words of wisdom for me abot WLS, I am having it on Tuesday, RNY lap hopefully. Take Care, Melissa S

The best advice I can give about the surgery is do not think you will never eat any certain foods again. Unless you are sugar sensitive after the surgery there will be very few foods that your body won't tolerate, just ALWAYS remember, portion size will be the continuing key to how successful you are in this weight loss journey. Take one day at a time and don't fret if you screw up at times....we ALL do, and will continue to every once in a while because no one is perfect! Just get right back on track and you will be just fine! The best thing you can take to the hospital is a good toothbrush and an abrasive toothpaste..like regular colgate...it was a sanity saver for me...I had the cleanest teeth in the hospital, I bet!! Also, take a shower as soon as they will let you...you will feel more human faster that way! Good Luck!!! Tracie

I may be going out on a limb here, but I can't help but wonder if your birth mother didn't want you to get to know her because she knew she was dying. I mean, how horrible to finally find her, possibly get to actually love her, and then lose her again in just a short time. (Can you tell I love paperback novels?) I can't give you any advice except to maybe suggest that you give Sarah a chance & meet her. You can always back away if necessary but this may be the only chance you have to get to know your family. Twenty some years ago my sister's dad contacted her over 25 years after he gave her up. She got to know him & her half siblings. She didn't get real close to her Dad but is still friendly with the siblings. Dixie

Since Sarah is reaching out to you, I would go for it! No-one ever wants to be hurt or let down time after time........but it sounds like she is wanting to correspond! Like you said, this might be your chance to get that much needed medical history and stuff! There is no way of knowing why your birth mom didn't want to meet you, there could have been very bad cir****tances around the whole situation and she probably carried some major shame! But this could be your chance to get to know her through the pictures and talking with this Sarah, maybe help you get some closure! Take Care and keep us updated! Jesi

Tracie, I am coming at this from a different point of view. I have a 7 year old son that I adopted. He knows he is adopted. We talk about it all the time and celebrate both his birthday and the day the adoption was final. As hard as I know it will be when he is ready to meet his birth family, I will be supportive. I knew going in that it would be here some day. My son's birth mother had asked for pictures as he was growing up, to this day has not provided an address. But in our situation, she knows how to find me and I know how to find her (she was a friend of my cousins). J has two brothers from her and a sister from his birth father. I think it is only natural for you and your sister to be curious about one another. I think you should keep an open mind and meet her. I also know how important it is for you to get a medical history on your birth family. At the very least I think you should meet with her for that. I wish you all the best of luck. I would be interested in knowing how it went. Take care, Michelle