OT Need parenting advice PLEASE

I have five year old twins girls and a three year old daughter! My twins turned five June 10th......I had them enrolled in public school, but at the last minute decided to enroll them in private school.......They have been in school two weeks so far......here is my problem......this private catholic school is VERY clique (SP) all of the other kids know eachother from preschool, church etc......so my kids are the only new kids on the block......My one twin is short, 34 pounds long blonde hair and blue eyes....my other twin, Kaitlyn, is tall shorter brown hair and 60 pounds, she says no-one likes her or plays with her and calls her names....her best friend goes to this school, but leaves her out and makes her feel bad .ie.....Her friend will say she would rather sit by so and so at lunch or go to their house and play......we invited her to a sleep over this weekend which we did ALL summer and she said No, she would rather go to so and so's house.....she has turned into a very fair weather friend, which is bound to happen at their ages, but her friend is 6, and it breaks my daughters heart.......anyways I told her to try and make some new friends, she doesn't need to depend on her friend for everything, make new friends and have new playdates etc......she said she would try and I told her I would help.......so the last couple mornings in school I have been asking the other little girls their names and introducing them to kaitlyn, so she isn't so shy....NOT WORKING......two of the girls said "we know who she is" then turned around to ignore her again I am so upset.....then this morning was the last straw, I actually cried WE were standing in line watiing for the bell when a little boy kept pointing and chanting at kaitlyn.....I asked him what he was saying and he said "strange girl" I asked him who he was talking about and he hit my daughter on the head and said "HER strange girl" I asked him why he called her that and he said "because she is BIG and looks strange" I looked at my daughter who had a tear in her eye and she said "see mama" I about lost it.....I started to tear up, but didn't want her to see it, so I told the little boy that it wasn't nice to call names then gave my daughter a big hug.......I am so torn.....should I keep her in this school, is it too late to switch her.......since she is barely five maybe I should just keep her home another year......I don't think she is emotionally ready for this....I know I am not.....I have talked to her teacher who said she is doing fine.....just really shy.....well I would be shy too if everyone ignored me and called me names......my heart is breaking this morning.....please give me some advice .....Thanks Jesi

Have you tried talking to the teacher? Especially about the name calling and hitting. That is totally unacceptable in our school system. Maybe if you could get the teacher to take her under her wing it would help. I'm at a loss otherwise. I remember as a grade schooler the terrible way girls can be. One day they're your friend and the next day no one will speak to you. On a side note, my 9 y/o son didn't want to go to school today because it's "picture day." I couldn't figure that one out and he said because he's fat and his face will look fat in his picture. I felt so bad for him. I also am pretty sure he will grow out of this and told him so. He's always been big for his age and his weight problem really tears me up. He's 4'10" and weights 137. Hugs. Janie

I have to say it doesn't get any better. My son is 14 and has been picked on in school since he started. Kids are just plain cruel, and the teachers don;t get paid enough to give a rats ass about name calling and what it can do to one's self image and damage it can inflict in the long term. Unless this school has an extremely exceptional academic program, I would put your kids into the public school system. Also, do you have your daughter in any kind of outside activities, like dance, or art class...ANYTHING that she can excel in will increase her self awareness and self esteem and she may come out of her shell. Don't make the mistake I did and tell her to just let it go. If I would have taught my Nick to stand up for himself in the beginning, we wouldn't still have the problems we do....I feel really bad for you, and your daughter, but you have to get this stopped now, before it goes too far. Go to the head director of the school. (and just for the record, the little boy that hit your daughter...I would have taken him by the hand DIRECTLY to the superintendents office and had them call his parents on the spot!

Jesi, I wonder sometimes if these things don't make the parent hurt more than the child? I have to agree that Kaitlyn needs something to excel at so she will feel more confident. Tae Kwon Do or something like that?? (Nothing is better than knowing that you can kick butt if you need to.) Also, at age 5 I think you can join Brownies or I think it's Daisy's for that age group - sometimes that can help girls find friends. It's not too late to switch schools but if you're going to do it don't wait any longer as then she will be 'the new kid' which can be traumatic also. But this boy chanting then hitting her - man, I think I would have had to really stop myself from not drop-kicking that jerk across the playground!! That's totally unacceptable and he should know that. I've put my son and daughter in a couple of awkward situations as we were a military family and got moved more than a few times. But they both seem to have done pretty well in spite of it. I think it's made them both more outgoing. My son has a tendancy to be a leader instead of a follower anyway, and my daughter is just bossy! I hope that this passes for you both. I pray that things get better quickly. -Deb W.

OH, My goodness!!! Jesi, my heart is breaking for Kaitlyn! You just give her a big hug from me!! Tell her if we were closer, Anna would be her buddy! I know that kids can be sooooooooo mean. Our school is pretty proactive when it comes to bullying behavior, however, it happens all over and in ways that teachers don't catch. I'll call you tomorrow to give you some more advice. I'm going to sleep on it tonight (falling asleep here at the computer.) Hey, I know there are other teachers out there that should be able to give some good advice as well. Talk to you tomorrow, Andrea

Wow, Jesi....I didn't realize twins could be that different in height too. This is Kindergarten, right? I don't know that I would keep Kaitlyn home for another year but let her sister continue....it would always look like the other twin is the "beautiful AND smart one". And especially if Kaitlyn is that much bigger, it will exacerbate the difference even more to have her a year behind her twin. Is the other twin adjusting better? Well, as for what to do about school.....remember that Catholic schools depend on YOUR tuition to stay afloat, and they are getting DOUBLE (or almost...) your money, so I would go to the principal and tell them that you are ready to put both your kids back in public school. Not that the kids there are going to be *nicer*, necessarily, but it is absolutely unacceptable for a kid to hit another kid and not be punished. Don't be accusatory about it, but ask the principal for his or her advice, based on their past experience, (OK, we're going for the ego a bit here...), how you can all work together to make school a positive experience for Kaitlyn. See how the school responds. If they still maintain that everything is "just fine" and imply that you are overreacting, then get your kids out of there asap. If they're willing to work with you, then maybe give it a semester and see how it goes. Jesi, I'm a Christian, so I really REALLY want to believe in the private school system. But in all honesty, I've seen awesome private schools that were actually teaching kids Godly values, and I've seen others that are more of a social club for the parents. My degree is in Music Ed, and although I'm no longer teaching, I spent my first year teaching at five Catholic schools, and some of them were exactly the way you're describing. Parents would actually COMPLAIN that their kids had to go to mass at school. HELLO????? Then why put them in Catholic school? I don't know anything about your public schools there, but in Chicago, people would join a parish just to get into the affiliated school, and it was only to escape the city schools. There was no interest in their child's spiritual development. I guess what I'm saying, is that you need to take a hard look at the values of the principal, teacher, and the majority of the families attending there. I wasn't popular in elementary school, but I wasn't the most picked on by any means. In my case, it wasn't my weight (I was a little peanut back then!), but I wore glasses since I was 4, and was a total book worm geek! LOL....But I still remember how it felt, and how I felt even worse for the kids *****ALLY got picked on. For God only knows what reason, from First Grade on, there were a few kids who were designated with "cooties", and that NEVER went away. Those kids never excelled like they could have, and ended up being the girls who got pregnant in high school...finally thinking they found acceptance. I agree with those who suggested getting Kaitlyn involved in something to build her self esteem. I LOVE the martial arts idea! And I'm not sure how you feel about this, but I would even consider the idea of homeschooling the girls so that they can really develop a strong sense of accomplishment. Most bigger towns have some really good homeschooling groups, and even get kids together for activities and field trips. A good group will often even put together their own little "cottage school" where moms take turns teaching different subjects. And believe it or not, I've known a lot of homeschool families between Chicago and Dallas, and their kids got into college with flying colors. They're some of the best behaved and smart kids I've ever met. But anyway, I'm just not of the mind set that leaving Kaitlyn in the situation if it doesn't improve will make her stronger. I would much rather see her inner strength come from a positive environment than from having to put up emotional walls to protect her little heart. Please keep us posted, OK??? I'll be praying for the whole situation. Hugs, Chris C.

(((((((((((((Jesi)))))))))))))) GF kids can be soooooooooooo cruel!!! My 14 yr. old came home from school the first 2 wks. in tears saying that she hated school...she is a straight A student, having a hard time with a couple of the girls in her class. I notified the school counselor and now everything seems to be getting better for her! Sometimes its just easier for kids to talk to someone else besides good ole mom when they are down! I agree with everyone else about keeping your daughter active with activities, this way she can meet new kids! A person would think that with this being a private school, the kids would have more manners than this.....SAD!!!! Hang in there! Janet Schmidt

Oh Jesi, I am so sorry. I just cried for Kaitlyn. It brought back so many horrible memories. I was talking to one of the nurses the other day and they had to take her daughter out of private school. She said the same thing these kids have been together for years and they were mean to her. They put Meghan back in public school. Have you spoken to the teacher? That little boy needs to be hung by his toes. Perhaps his mom needs to be told and maybe he might stop. If your public school isn't in a good location can you open enroll somewhere else? That is what we had to do for Justin. If you guys lived closer Kaitlyn could have some close friends in Justin and Olivia. I will lift you both up in my prayers. Hugs to you all Melinda