Dietribe

Ok, I hope this comes out right because I've been thinking alot about this lately. I went on vacation for about 2 weeks to MN. While there I spent alot of time with my in laws and many of thier friends. Well, my mother in law (really great person) was very proud of me and told everyone before I got there about my weight loss and the surgery. (I don't keep it a secret, because I hope that it may help someone else considering it.) I know in my brain that it was totally genuine and based on her being proud of me. Well, I was like the star of the party. People fell over themselves to compliment me. They were excessively attentive. I have also noticed that alot of doors are being held open for me. People are much more attentive, polite and friendly in general. I never thought that I was descriminated against or treated differently as an obese person. But now that I'm on the flip side I'm not so sure. The really strange thing about all of this attention were my gut feelings. I actually was feeling kind of angry, like was I chopped liver before surgery? My head told me to be graceous(sp?) and smile back with a "Thank You" but inside I was kind of angry. Has anyone else felt this way? I really do believe it was all genuinely sincere and their intentions were good but I almost felt inslulted. Maybe feeling better has made me happier and more approachable, I don't know. Thanks for reading my dietribe (like the pun?) Still sorting out my feelings, Eileen

Eileen, Wow, girl, you were in some deep thought last night!!! (Love the pun, by the way!) You really do have a point. I posted something about how I was treated differently at Great America - people talked with me more in line and seemed friendlier. I then realized how much I was discriminated against when I was well over 300 pounds, (348 is my recorded high, but sure it was higher). I understand your "gut feelings", but know that you are not alone. Even Carnie Wilson in her second book said something about those feelings. We were good enough for the attention before, Eileen - people just didn't see it past our extra weight. Enjoy the attention that you are getting now. Relish in it and be proud of your accomplishments! You have done a wonderful job, dear. I am proud of you and others' obviously are, too. Bask in the limelight for a while - I think that's okay to do every now and then! Talk to you soon, God bless, Andrea

Welcome to the feelings of a WLS success; I experience this ALL the time with relatives, and others who are esp. gracious because I almost died as a result of my WLS complications (read my profile if you want, I won't go in to this now). My Aunt's especially will fawn all over me an tell how great I look, and "what a pretty girl I am" "oh my goodness I always knew had potential" (I want to say HELLO I am still the same person in a smaller body, but then I realize NO I am not the same person, WLS has changed my outlook on life, some of my opinions, NOT just my physical apperance). So you take it with the spirit with which it was intended. They're sweet ladies who almost lost their favorite neice... (there words not mine ) But as long as we are getting into this...! HERE'S MY LEAST FAVORITE COMMENT! "why you can't even tell you were ever heavy"... Like former obese people have to LOOK a certain way. Or we should have to carry a sign to let the world know! Discrimination of against obese people is widely accepted; it never even occurs to us it happens a tenth as much as it acutally does. I have caught myself looking at an obese person and making assumptions... or just think OMG I glad I wasn't as big as so and so. It just happens and I stop myself and think... God kept me alive for a reason, and this isn't it! GOD BLESS YOU EILEEN Paula

Eileen, I find that there are times I am still invisible. It's changing, but I don't know, it could be that people are more rude than ever???? It is amazing the changes that we go through, body and mind. I mean, in losing all the weight, don't we have to change? We can't stay the same with this kind of life altering event and expect to keep the weight off, can we? To me, the head games of this experience are the biggest hurdles we need to deal with and still, I know I do a lot of - I'll deal with it tomorrow, not today? Even though it's coming up on a year out for me, I'm not yet to grips with all of the personal changes I need to make. I still "want" and "lust" after certain foods. I still have feelings that I'm not certain where they come from. And I'm not yet liking the person I see in the mirror, there's a lot of jello flab in places that make me crazy. But is it that flab or the person inside that I've yet to become that makes me this way?? Having others throw us so many compliments is tough. We want to say "Yes, look at me" and yet, when we haven't quite gotten to a goal yet or are still struggling to get into that certain size, the compliments can be almost too much! Could it be that there were things people wanted to say to us before but just didn't, so now they're making up for it? I believe you're right, all the comments you got were meant to make you feel good. And it is important to remember the spirit in which gifts are given. I'm just venting! Anyway, just my thoughts on the subject! Thank you for having the courage to share with us what you're feeling! Take care now! -Deb W.

Eileen, I too feel the same way you do. I know that I was discriminated against. Not only by strangers in department stores but also by family and friends. It is really hard for me to take all the compliments as well. Because I was a good person on the inside before surgery and that hasn't changed - I still have the same sense of humor. But we have to be honest with ourselves and with our WLS peers. Obese people are seen as slobs, we eat everything in sight, we are lazy, and we are clueless. We all know that is not true. This is the way I feel.... I am letting my protective walls down slowly as I loose (you know the ones that have been up so long to keep me from getting hurt - that didn't really work) as I let them down I have to remember that although I may not be teased because of the fat - now I could have my feelings hurt because of those "genuine compliments" unfortunatly they have come from people I really care about. I have no answers or funny puns so that it stops but the thing I guess I have learned is that now I am more equipped to help others who are facing the surgery and our new lives. Just one more thing.. here on this board with all of you is where I feel my most comfortable. I am sure one day I will be able to feel as comfortable in my new body out in public. But until then I will rely on all of you to help me adjust to this lifestyle. I also hope that you will do the same because it seems to me we are all having some of the same experiences. Have a beautiful wonderful fantastic day!!! Melinda

At the risk of getting everyone mad at me ~~ just lighten up! Say "thank you" and take the compliments at face value. I never thought people were saying bad things about me before I lost the weight. If they did that was their problem and not mine. I guess my self-esteem has always been pretty good (although I know that's not true for everyone.) Before my surgery I had a friend tell me about their feelings ~~ like why all the good comments now and what did people REALLY think before. That has never been an issue with me ~~ I've never really thought of it that way. I had a back-handed compliment given to me the other night by an older gentleman who I know to be quite opinionated. He gushed on about how I'd lost weight and how great I looked. Then he said he didn't mean to be mean, but I had "really been getting big!" before. I just considered the source and took the original compliment. Just learn to say thanks -- don't think so much!! Life moves along too quickly to worry about the past... Janie

Janie, while I see your point I am going to disagree respectfully. If you have self esteem is easier to deal with the pyschology of weightloss. Some of WLS patients aren't that way... if this board lets people deal with those feelings.... not dwell but deal... then I say it serves a purpose...these feelings are NOT going to go away until you deal with them. You are exactly right life's short, I know that too well. WLS put into focus the truly important things in your life, and finding emotional and physical, and spiritual health is truly vital... some of us are further on the path than others. God Bless Paula

Hello Eileen, how are you? i know how you feel that people treat us different I get mad at that too because were still the same person just not overweight anymore. you will pass it soon though it took me awhile hang in there see you at the next meeting take care Laurie