I am really struggling

I am full of so many different emotions. I am scared. I think the recent problems at Methodist have really gotten to me. I was so excited to have this surgery (it is scheduled for Nov. 19 in Grinnell), but doubts are starting to creep into my mind. If I have any doubts or anxiety about this, maybe I shouldn't do this? My husband says I shouldn't change my mind to have the surgery because of the women at Methodist, because the odds haven't changed at all, there is just hype in our local news right now. But I keep thinking, am I a failure because I can't get rid of this weight and keep it off by just dieting? Should I try dieting one more time? If I am willing to make huge lifestyle changes after having the surgery, shouldn't I be able to make huge lifestyle changes without the surgery? Am I selfish to want the surgery, because if something goes wrong my 4 young children won't have a mother? Am I crazy to be thinking all these things?????? I have to say that I really do want to do this, but I am so scared and want to make sure I make the right decision. Have any of you felt these things? I don't know what to do. Lori

Oh Lori, I really know how you feel, I have all the same worries as you do. I have not yet had surgery either but you know what! I feel like I can't continue to go threw the rest of my life this way either, the diets, the losing weight only to gain back it plus more, the constant pain, oh the pain is so overwhelming at times I wish I could just die, but, I know also if I don't continue with this surgery I am going to die anyway and I guess if I really want to get real about things, I am just a breathing dead person now. I have no quality of life with my family and grand-daughters, I hurt to bad to go walking or exercising, hell it hurts bad to use the bathroom even, is this how I want to live with it just getting worse, NO WAY, I've had enough. I want to live. It has taken me over a year to get to this point but I will not be scared away because of those women in Des. Moines. It is a very sad and yes scary thing to hear but i guess what's the difference in hearing about that than hearing about someone died from a heart attack or cancer or whatever ailement they may have. Every surgery is risky, from the stuff they put you to sleep with to the Dr. forgetting to take a tool out. Life itself is risky it's just do you want to be a part of life as it is now or how it could be later after this surgery? I'm going for surgery. Anyway when you feel deep down in your gut that youv'e tried the hardest you ever could to lose weight but to no avail then your ready for this new life. Do you trust your surgeon? It's in his hands? Are you selfish to not want to leave your children without a momma, Oh god girl, hell no, if you didn't have all these doubts I would seriously have to think something is not quite right with you. What's going to matter is how you deal with those doubts. Only you will know when your ready, only you. I know, kinda long winded here. Your going to do great girl, everbody on this board will help you in anyway we can, just ask.Take care of you.~~~Tina

Hi Lori, Your fears and thouhts are very normal. Dr. AC did my surgery on 9/29 and I feel better with each passing day. I could step off the curb today and be hit by a bus. Life is to short to not live your live to its fullest. Your four babies will have a healthier, enegetic happy mom to chase them around and play with after your surgery. Keep doing what your doing and share those feelings with your husband and friends. We will be here for you. By the way, your hubby sounds like a keeper. lol

I had them very same feelings before my surgery on Sept. 18. The few relatives I had told even called the night before to wish me luck but I felt like it was their last good-byes to me. With any surgery there are risks but I was risking my life continuing to be the way I was, and for once I was doing this for me and not anyone else. My only regret was not doing it sooner. I am gradually losing weight and with each pound off I feel like I am conquering the world. I have energy now that I haven't had since I was little. Take a deep breath and say I AM WORTH IT! This website is full of great people willing to share their experiences, lend an ear, or just be there for each other in prayer. I hope I didn't rattle on, and I wish you the best.

Hi Lori And yes I'm like all the rest that responded to your e-mail, the night all the phone calls, and well wishes were like the last goodbyes but you know what it's all going to be ok the people at Grinnell are great and you'll pull with flying colors think skinny and go for it .!!! Sherry Hefley WLS Aug 11th 2003 .

I think your husband has the best take on the recent events. It is merely coincidental that this occured in Iowa and of course the media immediately jumps on anything remotely controversial. If it had happened in Wyoming, would we have even heard about it? If it had'nt have happened would you still be having these doubts? You aren't a failure because diets haven't worked. I personally think there is a LOT about obesity that the medical world doesn't know- mainly that there are hormone disturbances and possibly even genes responsible for it. I even heard one theory about obese people having some kind of virus. How do you explain skinny people who are able to eat like a horse and not gain anything? On a diet, if I choose to cheat and eat a whole pizza, I'm just going to end up feeling guilty and repeating the same old self-hatred cycle. After WLS, just the mere thought of two bites of a pizza causing me to puke my guts out is enough to stop me from cheating. I never thought I could do this, but I proved myself wrong. I am proud of myself for the changes I have made and am much more selective about what I eat now. Once you are comfortable with your surgeon and the lifestyle changes you will have to make, your decision will be easier. If you have any doubts at all, you need to discuss them with your doctor until all your questions are answered. Good luck!

Lori, I would be worried if you did not have some anxiety about this surgery. It is a total life changing event! No you are not a failure because you cannot lose weight on your own!!!!! Dr. Coster in Grinnell firmly believes that obesity is a disease. He has told me that with my history of dieting and with the obesity that runs in my family, that this is really my only chance for success. I am sure the same is true with you! There are risks with every surgery. Did any of your children have their tonsils out? There is a risk of death even for that minor procedure. Dr. Schwartz will take excellent care of you as will all of the staff at Grinnell. But if you are truly concerned, please call Dr. Schwartz and talk to him before the surgery. I am sure either Monte or his nurse would be glad to talk with you to help you calm your fears. Or feel free to email me. I would be more than happy to listen to you and give you any advice I can. Sheila