just approved...but unsure...

I was just approved for RNY and now I am having second thoughts...my BMI is 40. I have been miserable with extra weight all my life, and you know the story....weight loss methods haven't worked (I am a sweet eater-not an over-eater). I am healthy, healthy, healthy...and the surgeon wants to do it laproscopically. I am I being selfish with this? My struggle with weight is purely cosmetic/psycholgical. Should I really risk death or some other long-term problem connected with this surgery that could affect my family/ability to function? Where can I get facts on long term success rates, possible (side) effects? If I have to "diet/exercise" AFTER the surgery (which never worked in the first place) should I risk surgery at all? Give me the good and the bad...I need to make an important decision.

Toni, A BMI of only 40 is not that bad and you are definitely not beyond the point of no return. You could diet yourself down to a normal BMI at this point yet. If you have it in you to put forth that effort. HOWEVER...if you say you have dieted and dieted with no results, then perhaps surgery is the way to go to get a handle on it once and for all. But then you say you are not wanting to exercise, so then I say forget surgery. Forget about EVER being a healthy weight and looking good and feeling good. Having WLS is about being HEALTHY for the rest of your life. People (regardless of their weight) who do not exercise on a regular basis are not living healthy lives. After WLS you don't need to exercise to lose weight. The surgery does that for you. You exercise because you want to be fit, and healthy and strong. Toni are you are a point in your life where you HATE your life because of your obesity? You hate your body, you loathe yourself because you are such a "failure" at weight loss? Can you say that there is very little quality in your life because your obesity pretty much takes up all of the space? This is the way I had become with my obesity. My BMI was only 46 going into this, and 46 isn't too bad compared to most people's. I only weighed 265, so I wasn't as big as most people. But my life sucked so bad, that I was at a point where I didn't care if it went on or not. Not suicidal by any means, but I honestly thought the 1 in 200 mortality rate was worth taking a risk. I had NOTHING as a fat person. Oh yes, I had a wonderful family, etc. But my life sucked. This was my shot at living a fulfilling life. Toni, you may not be experiencing much in the way of health problems right now due to your obesity, but if you continue gaining weight, eventually the health issues will catch up with you. Every year older, the more stress you are putting on your heart, your lungs, and your skeleton. With a BMI of 40 you are obese Toni. You need to lose weight. One way or the other. You cannot just settle for being fat. You might be fine right now, but I promise the obesity will shorten your life. Have you ever seen an obese 90 yr old? Then swinging back to not having surgery....don't even bother if you cannot make the commitment to a lifetime of taking supplements, and following the rules. My brother had this surgery about 4 years ago. Sure, he lost his weight, but he looks like the walking dead. He does not take his vitamins, and he does not exercise. I don't expect this WLS to prolong his life at all, because he won't do what it takes to live a healthy life. So Toni, it's something you have to decide. Do you want to look good, feel good and live a healthy life? If so, then do something. You can do this without the WLS, but you need to get on it and get going. If you want to get this under control quickly and get on with living life, then have the surgery and go on from there. Only you can decide whether you can promise to take supplements the rest of your life and follow the rules or not. Being an already healthy person, you sound like a good risk for WLS. But don't be fooled entirely by that. I was reasonably healthy too and I had complications. But look at me now! I look decent, I feel great, and on Monday I am going in to have plastic surgery to remove the excess skin on my abdomen. Yeah! Keep in touch and let us know what you decide. jean

I guess I am just scared....I am willing to make the commitments to a healthier lifestyle after WLS, but given my track record with weight loss, I'm just really scared that I can't maintain--I won't be able to follow the "program". Let's face it, I've NEVER been able to follow any weight loss program with any measure of success, what would make me think I could after WLS? Also, I feel guilty that (like you said) my life SUCKS! It shouldn't suck, I have a great family, marriage, job--but it does! I should be doing cartwheels every day because I am so lucky, but I don't because this "weight thing" gets in the way of EVERYTHING...I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. That's why I feel selfish in wanting to even consider WLS. Thanks, Jean. You read my words, but more than that you "got" what I was trying to say. I will keep good thoughts for you on Monday. You have been a blessing.