I AM SOOO SORRY

I feel terrible about the way my son behaved today. I am mortified.....no...they need another word for Mortified for the way I feel right now. I think when I say my child is special needs most people do not realize the severity. I am sooo sorry for the disruption and the clear discomfort he caused everyone that attended. In the future if I cannot provide childcare for him, I will not be attending. I am sure anyone that attended today can understand why. I have to get off of here and try and settle him down. He is still at it after nearly 3 hours straight of screaming. I may need to take him to the emergency room and insist his doctor come in to see him tonight. I am at my wits end guys. Steffie

Hi Steffie, I wasn't there today, but I did raise a son with some major behavioral special needs. So you are not alone with those issues. My son is now 20. Take care, Joan

Thanks for those kind words Joan. I suffer so much embarassment because before I had a son of my own I used to be the one to cast judgment on people whos children acted out of line. I used to equate it to bad parenting so I just automatically assume that people are casting the same judgements upon me and it is mortifying and embarrasing. It goes beyond that! Particularly those who raised normal children or never had any children at all particularly do not understand the nature of it. My son is just now going through the process of trying to find a medication that will work to get him to focus. At this time he never stops talking....he even talks in his sleep. He gets caught in trance like states and affixiated on something and will not back down. He has no reasoning and no focus. EVERYTHING is an argument. And I mean EVERYTHING. He self mutilates and has speech delays because his mental chaos will not allow him to slow down to speak in full sentences. He is almost 5 and dispite my best efforts I cannot get him to focus enough to write one letter. He gets stuck almost like studdering. He has been thrown out of every daycare with the exception of this last one because this lady had a special needs child of her own and understands, he gets thrown out of church weekly from the disruptive chaos and combative behavior. I am truly at the end of my rope. I have been in parent counseling, therapy etc for 2.5 years now and we just got to the point of medicating back near Christmas. So far the pattern has been that the dr. can put him on meds and they "seem" to work for about 2 months and then I start noticing bleed throughs that get more frequent until it is back to square one. So far modern medicine nor prayer has helped. Things continue to get progressively worse. I only have one set of nerves...and once they are gone I just really feel like I am losing it, my spark gets stripped away from me. It prevents me from making any friends because no one wants to be anywhere near my child for any period of time. I hate to sound so victimized but I really feel sorry for myself. I don't know what else to do, I am doing everything I can. I can't just get up and runaway back to the comfort of my home just to avoid the embarassment and manipulation my son subjects me to. I am sorry, I am off on a tangent. I just need to sound off to someone besides my husband, who I am sure is tired of hearing it. Lucky for him he has a job that deploys him constantly and a list a peers to talk to about things to get some restoration. Steffie

Hey dont even sweat it, his behavior wasnt an issue at all !!!!! There was no discomfort or disruption at all Steffie. It was sooo nice meeting you and your son, and everyone else who came. Cant wait for the next one. You take care ok !!!!! Hugz, Robert

Hey Steffie.... Please don't be mortified today...I know Caleb didn't bother me one bit. If you ever need to come over to "get out", please do, I am home pretty much all the time, and you can always call, I don't care what time it is. I know at times it absolutely sucks being a military wife, and to top it off a stay at home Mom...there isn't ever a break, and when your husband is gone all the time, even if not deployed just working long days, they never see the normal life of what goes on. Maybe some of the meet-ups need to be more kid friendly, for those of us with young kids and no babysitters...I know for me with Kyle once Jon deploys, I really have nobody to watch him and he only has so much patience. Maybe the meetups could be at some local playground, so kids and run around and burn energy and the adults can sit and talk. LOL, and for the coffee addicts, they could always stop at Starbucks on the way!!!! I hope your night gets better and you don't end up in an ER with him. Take care!!

Well I am going to be too afraid to attempt to bring Caleb with me to anymore meetings. Truth is we could have been in la la land and he still would have done the same thing. It was too much stimulation for him and it seems like when he can attract attention it fuels it. I hope when he goes to the doctor this week that we can get things back under control. I am very concerned about this upcoming 12 month deployment. Steffie

I'm sure the doctor will help a lot...I still can't beleive he won't see him til next week, Caleb is little, not an adult. Good Luck with that Jon goes on deployment in June, so I'll be bored out of my mind...LOL, hopefully the water situation clears up at the beaches soon!! I'll help you take some picks. You should get a halter top bathing suit, like a tankini...that's what I usually get...LOL, they rock!!

And I brought my digital camera with the full intent to take pictures of everyone today but I totally forgot. I want to get you to take pictures of me for my update/comparison. And I need to go buy a new swimsuit some kinda bad. Steffie