Talk with Tara, MFT

Overcoming Self-Sabotage Behavior

Over the last few posts, we have learned that self-sabotage behavior is not a result of a lack of desire, intelligence, skills, or willpower.  Instead, it is a result of subconscious, irrational beliefs and fears that were likely developed in our youth.  To conclude this series, we will take a look at some ways you can begin to overcome self-sabotage:

WATCH.  The major factor in eliminating self-sabotage behavior is being aware of it.  Pay close attention to your behavior.  When, where, and with whom do these negative behaviors seem to surface?  

LISTEN. Listen to your internal dialogue and identify the negative messages you are telling yourself.  Decide if the belief is really true or the result of a past negative experience or message that you've unconsciously absorbed.  Take time to meditate, journal, and/or reflect during this step.

DO. The final step of eliminating a self-defeating behavior is to start re-programming your belief system by taking action. 

·         AFFIRM, AFFIRM, AFFIRM!!!  Affirmations may sound silly, but they're actually an excellent way to undo one’s negative internal beliefs.  How?  Simply find three good things about yourself each day.  Make a list and carry this list with you everywhere you go.  Regularly repeat the affirmations to yourself.  Add to the list constantly without erasing your past affirmations.
 

·         Face challenges. Learning to face challenges rather than avoid them will increase your self-confidence over time.  Make a point of showing up in situations when you would normally back out.  Follow through with things you would have let go before.  Self-sabotaging beliefs that you aren’t smart enough, strong enough, courageous enough, or capable enough will begin to lose power.
 

·         Take baby steps towards your goal.  Set small, doable, tasks each day.  Every little piece of a task that you successfully complete will reinforce your feelings of competency and capability that you can succeed at the next task.
 

·         Enlist friends, family, professionals, and/or spiritual allies to help you sustain your goals and reinforce your new, POSITIVE way of thinking.  
 

·         Be patient and persistent. Remember, to aim for progress, not perfection. 

Tara Griffith, MA, MFT
Laparoscopic Associates of San Francisco
WLS Support Services

*DISCLAIMER* The information provided within this forum is intended for GENERAL EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY.  Answers, comments, and opinions provided are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, or other professional advice.   As this is an open forum on the Internet, your questions and answers will be seen by others. It is possible that an unqualified individual may post a reply to questions. Always seek the advice of your personal physician or other qualified health provider for any questions you may have regarding any specific medical condition or mental health issue.  Information provided in this forum DOES NOT constitute a therapist-patient relationship between you and Tara Griffith, MFT.