Patience is a virtue that I don't posess.......

Everyone has such good news lately that I just hate to kill the joy, but here goes......
(huge sigh), I won't be having my surgery anytime soon. Everything was going quickly and then WHAM, brick wall. First, I find out that I have severe sleep apnea w/ alot of oxygen depletion so I have to do another sleep study and use a CPAP. then I find out Dr. Fowler wants me to bring my blood sugar down just 1 more point, okay fine. both of those were doable by Dec. 17th (my tentative surgery date). but I just saw Dr. Lovette on Monday, and my hopes and dreams have been dashed. At least for a few more months. She wants me to see a therapist here where I live. Apparently, she diagnosed me with depression, and I THINK she said suicidal tendacies(I say I wanna kill myself sometimes, cause I get really frustrated, but I never would. that's taking the cowards way out. it takes more strength to live then to die), and I have low self worth. my self image is shot to **** I have alot of issues. I think I was kinda freaking her out when I was telling her about the really bad physical abuse I suffered as a child. the no self esteem stuff became worse while married to my ex. So she suggested I see someone. Actually, I told her I wouldn't mind seeing someone and then after all my stories she said. I'm happy that you brought it up first. Sorry I am rambling. she told me I know you're probably angry, they all are when they find out they aren't cleared for surgery, then they thank me later.but trust me, you'll be better able to handle the surgery and what comes after, compared to how you are now. She says alot of times, patients become suicidal AFTER surgery, or because their mindset is not right, it sets them up to fail, and they either lose weight slowly, or not at all really, or they gain back all they lost, and more. I don't want that for myself. I WANT to succeed, and I AM...I just gotta take care of my mind first, before the body, so it can help me in the process. I told her I wasn't mad, just really disappointed, and now I was extremely depressed. I mean REALLY....I kept biting the inside of my lip to keep from crying. afterward, i just sat in my rental car for about 10 min. just spazzing thinking, okay, now what? but then i shook it off. so anyhoo, i'm supposed to find a doctor (which i did, i see her on monday) and see them for 6 mos of treatment. but my approval ends in 5. so now I'm looking at a mar/apr surgery date. I was so looking forward to meeting and possibly having the same surgery date as Hilogurl.....oh well....congrats to everybody on your guys good news...by the way, I'm so jealous!!!  but with love...


sorry so long, i should've just blogged it, but i need some love people, and encouragement cause i'm still kinda down......aloha

I don't really know what to say, but I just want you to know that you are supported.... I think for all of us on this road there will be ups and downs and I'm sorry you are going through all of this.  I admire your strength and your willingness to bring up all this stuff when you had the chance.  It might have been an easy road to pretend nothing was on your mind.  

Good for you for finding a doctor so quickly.... I know a 6-month delay sounds like forevers..... but it will go by quickly and you will be stronger and probably way more adjusted  than some of us (ok -- like me)

I don't think it will be too hard to get them to extend your approval out....stay strong and  let us know how we can help. 

Aloha Jen -

You're doing fine. Ok... so you need to follow a slightly different path for a while, but these professionals know what they are talking about. They have your best interests in mind. While this surgery is a marvelous thing, it is also a serious mental awakening and you need to be in top mental shape to be successful. Prove to them you're ready!! I know you can do it!!!! You may discover more about yourself than you already know that will help you become the person you are deep inside.

Don't think of it as a brick wall.... just a little detour. I can only imagine your disappointment. Keep a stiff upper lip. You're a strong person and you will do this.... and we're all here to help you if you need us. I hope you know that. You post all you want. Writing things out is very theraputic as well! Good for the soul!

We do love you and we're going to see you jump through all their hoops! You will show them!!!!!! You're going to be our shinest star!! I just know it! ((hugs))

Hi Jen,

Thank you so much for sharing with us.  I think it is wonderful that we have eachother to share the good and the not so good and the good that is disguised as bad.

That being said, we all live in this mentality of "I want this now".  You taking these important steps to make sure that you have dealt with the past is only going to benefit you in the long run.  You may be having your surgery later than you had hoped, but you're definitely already loosing the baggage now.

Good for you for being so brave and opening up so completely to the doctor.  Time is going to fly by and you'll be in the same place at the end of this journey.... just probably counseling all of us a bit more

My best to you and I look forward to your updates!

Aloha,
Nicole

Hey jen,
I am sooo sorry that this is going on with you..i was soooo looking forward to having the surgery on the same day as you also.....just think of it this way...you have more time to focus and get ready for this change in your life now...i know its easiet said than done bur we all will be here for you every step of the way...good luck

I am so sorry that you have to wait however everything will work out just fine.  Just think about it.  Dr. Fowler will have a few more VSG under his belt in 6 months and you will be right there to get it done.  We are all pulling for you.

Aloha,
Asia

Oh I just want to give u  hug.  Just keep on your path and everything will work out. 

I saw a therapist maybe 7 years ago when I left full-time work to be a stay at home mom.  I was just so torn up about leaving my full time job and I couldn't get my mind straight.   Not only did I get thru the job thing but we talked thru so much more.  It was the best thing I ever did for myself.


Debbie

      

hugs and love to everybody.  thank you guys sooooooo much. i really needed some support. i don't really have anyone to talk to here. i mean, i have my friends and they HEAR, but they don't LISTEN. plus, they just DONT understand. i do feel better, and am actually kinda excited about my appointment on monday w/ my new psych. is that weird? lol. believe me, i have a LOT to say, i will make her earn her money.  i know that psychs hear a lot of stuff but im kinda weary about telling all my secrets  oh well, the point is to let it all go right? so i shall.  smooches to everyone!!   thanks again all....

Jen,
My heart goes out to you. Hang in there and best wishes to you.