Feelin' blue

I was reading over the posts for the lasts few days. I have had some crappy days lately it seems all I can do is cry. That is so not like me. I guess getting closer to all of this really happening has made it a reality. My insurance company has been WONDERFUL. I hope they continue to be. They have sent all kinds of things in the mail about addicion and counseling. They are helpful when I call. My doubtful nature makes me believe they are just getting me in their torpedo sites to blast me out of the water with a denial. Whale hit!!! Maybe not though. All joking aside I am so afraid. I am afraid of leaving my kids my husband my life. I got my answer one night almost a year ago about this surgery. I was up late afterf a friend had passed away from her surgery wondering if this was right. I prayed and sobbed for her family and for some reason I got to thinking what if and began to really worry about my surgery. I have since made some adjustments and feel that God gave me the answer I need. But just as some people get head hunger I have head fear. I have thoughts running 90 to nothing. I had lunch with Beth Martinez last week and just being around someone who understands helps so much because my husband doesn't. He is SOOO supportive and to say he doesn't understand simply means he has never felt this way physically or mentally. Jim doesn't worry about anything. He says " the Good Lord will handle it" I wish I could be like that. But this Mama aint wired that way. I know I am rambling and there is nothing anyone can say I guess I want someone to listen who has been there. No two people's journeys are the same but could someone please get out their crystal ball and tell me I will make it through mine. Thanks for all the support I find here Anything I can ever do for you I am here. LOrie

Hi Lorie, I truely don't think it is unusual to feel blue right before surgery. I think it hits us all in the reality of it all. No one can tell you that everything will be fine, or perfect with surgery. We all have to make the decision for ourselves if this is what is right for us. For me, I knew my weight was slowly killing me anyway, and I had to do something very drastic to make an attempt to save my own life. No one, not even the doctors could do that for me. Sure, my surgeon did the surgery, and I truely believe he saved my life, but it is only because I made the decision to actually have this life saving (for me) surgery. Try as you can to remember the positives that can happen with this surgery. We all know the negatives. They are there to remind us all that we are human. Know that we are all here to be supportive to you, and to be another reminder of how great things can be after surgery. Keep your spirits up, and maybe the insurance companies reminders of therapy can be a good thing before surgery as well as after. If you need it, by all means, take advantage of it whenever you feel the need. Mostly.... just keep on keeping on... you'll do what is right for you!!! Hugs, Susan

Susan, Thank you so much for your words of advice. I just cannot explain how much you all helped me! the posts I have received have been great and I feel much better knowing I am normal to feel this way. I KNOW I am doing the right thing by having this surgery. I just needed a little pep talk I guess! Thanks again. Lorie

Poor girl!! I'm sorry you are feeling so low!! (((((((Lorie)))))))) BIG HUGS You know... (let me first state, that I NEVER try to convince someone to have this surgery, it is most certainly a very personal decision...I can just share my personal experience, and if it's helpful, then great...) when I was preparing for my surgery ALMOST 2 yrs ago, people asked me if I was afraid of dying....What they didn't realize, is I WAS dying! I was slowing dying daily. I knew I wouldn't last another 5 yrs at the rate I was going. I HAD to get my weight down. I had finally made a peace, (of sorts... I AM a mom afterall) that if I didn't make it through the surgery, then it was just and quicker means to an inevitable end.... Does that sound harsh? I guess...but I was literally dying. I had no doubt that the way I was living (if you wanna call it that) was killing me. I know I'm rambling here, but you get the jest of it. Yes, I was TERRIFIED of leaving my kids... I have been a single mom for 15 yrs and I am the only responsible parent they have. They were terrified of me leaving them, but we BOTH knew if this was successful, and based on the tests, surgeon qualifications, etc. we had no reason not to think it would, then life as we know it would improve dramatically, and PRAISE GOD that is exactly what happened. You can't be a mom and not feel the things you are feeling.....but I guess try really hard to stay on the positive after effects and how much more involved you'll be able to be afterwards. Good luck my friend...God Bless you and grant you peace. Tami

Thanks for the hug Tami! Your post helped so much. It made me realize that others have felt the exact same way!! You were defiantely in a more complex situation than I am in and I can see how hard that would have been. I just have to stay positive I think you are right! I have no reason to believe this isn't going to be great!! Lorie

I'm going to be completely honest with you. I'd be MORE worried about you if you didn't have the concerns and doubts that you're having. You did a good thing by posting on here because there are SO MANY wonderful people on here who have gone through exactly what you're going through. The loving support and words of encouragement are a great help, but this is after all one of the hardest, most personal decisions you'll ever make. I was petrified until the morning of surgery about having it done...then I woke up, had my morning words with God and felt immediately my life was in His hands and he'd see me through. Even if seeing me through mean****ching me walk through the pearly gates! I know all these words seem easier said than done, but believe me none of us have control over what's to happen. It is all in His hands....and "the good Lord WILL handle it." We you and are here for you! Dee Dee

Thank you Dee Dee, Your post really helped. I have a hard time relinquishing control and I think that is what this is about a little. I also know that no matter what control I think I have it is pointless without God's hand to guide me and i feel if this is meant to be then approval will be a breeze as will recovery! Thanks again for your help. I am on alot better footing mentally tonight! Lorie

Its normal please realize that and like deedee said we would be worried ig you werent remeber we are here for you

Thank you Dawn! I don't know what I would do without the great help I receive on this board. I hope I can be as much help to someone else! Lorie

Lorie, I completely understand what you are going through and I sympathize with you so, so much. I was so worried right up 'til when they wheeled me back, I was almost in tears, it was like I was saying goodbye to everyone not knowing if I'd see any of them again. My biggest fear was for my children to lose me. I lost my Mom and Dad just prior to my surgery and I could'nt stand the thought of them feeling that kind of grief at such a young age. But, I had said from the begining if I get approved for this then that is what I was meant to do and so I went through with it with all my fears and now I couldn't be happier because I know that I am an even better mom now than ever. I can't tell you how it feels when you kids are so excited when you can run after them in the yard, jump rope and just plain keep up with them. I can feel how proud they are of their Mommy and that is what makes me feel better than any compliment I have ever gotten. Just know that we all went through the same emotions and it is so hard, but you will be o.k. We are all here for you and We all love you!! Great Big Hugs!!! Rachel