Were there people you didn't tell?

Good Morning, friends! I've been debating on whether or not to tell my in-laws that I'm on this journey toward WLS. They live out of state-and are chronic worriers. To add to the problem, they DO NOT like the idea of WLS (even though my mother-in-law is overweight and having trouble due to it). I tested the waters the other day and told her about a close friend of mine who is thinking about it--someone they know also--and they had a FIT. I feel guilty keeping a secret of this nature--but feel like telling them would be opening a can of worms I don't want to deal with at this point! They would not be able to muster support for me---so isn't it better just to not tell? What would (have) you done? Thanks! Michelle

hey! honestly, we think a lot alike. i was just thinking yesterday if i was going to tell this person or that person. you obviously have 2 choices. to tell or not too. but there could be different outcomes from each. ( i have honestly been thinking of this lol) you dont want to freak them out now, and have them worry and all that jazz. but when you are post op a year and doing great, you may want to tell them and they may get even more mad that you didnt tell to begin with. my best friends sister in law had this done 2 years ago, didnt say she had the surgery, and it totally offended my best friend. plus my friend was like no wonder she got so small and she was(my friend) so hypocritical (which makes me worry) seemed to make her travels to have this done invalid, like it was nothing. anywhoooooooooooooooo i would write them a letter before you have it done explaining everything that you are going through and what you are feeling. if it is down on paper then they will understand better and really listen. plus it will keep them in the know and you will have nothing to feel guilty of even if you dont give them the letter till after wards. just my view. take care jerri

There were definitely some I didn't tell, quite a few actually. I chose only to tell those who were closest to me - those whom I knew would support me no matter what. I found that is what I needed. Now that I am almost 6 months post op, I don't care who knows! It's funny how that all changes. I have also found those who truly care about me have been awesome for me. You need to do what is best for you and your health right now and you can deal with all those other people later. Take Care! Tracy 350/235/ on my way

I didn't tell anybody , but my sister , her husband and my husband and my Mama. I had told some friends I knew several people that had it and they thought it was crazy . So I didn't tell them till the week before I had the surgery I wrote my staff a letter telling them I would be out of work and I was having the surgery and I had researched it for 3 years and I was going to do it and that I was not asking for their advice I was just asking that they pray for me. I sent this same letter to the ones I wanted to know I was doing it and I had their support. But the folks I knew would not want me to do , I didn't tell them. And I still have not talked to them about it. I had the surgery March 31, 2004 and I have not had any problems. I've lost 86 pounds. Good luck on what ever you decide to do. Judy

I actually told people about it before hand because it was MY decision. People who didn't like that I was doing it were more scared for the idea of me putting myself through the surgery than for loosing the weight. I stil don't care who knows I did it - because I truly did it for ME and no one else! If you feel like they will not be supportive - don't let that be a deterrant to you. Make the decision YOURS.... Good luck to you!!!!

I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE TO KEEP IT A SECRET IT YOUR DECISION AND ONLY YOUR DECSION YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOISE FOR YOU AND IF PEOPLE DONT LIKE THEN THEY DONT LIKE IT BUT LIKE I SAID ITS FOR YOU NO THEM AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO LIVE WITH IT.....

Ohhh--Why aren't decisions easier in life! The more I read from you guys and the more I think about this myself, I believe it's a good idea to just keep it to myself. They will not lend support regardless of how I present this idea. They have proven in the past to be leary of decisions I make-and are quick to pull back from our family if they don't agree with what we're doing. I know this would bring about a huge wedge between us all. I would that!! Based off some ideas here and on the main board, I believe I'll write them a letter explaining my decisions IN CASE something goes terribly wrong. I would want them to know I thought of them in this--and that despite some differences, I care for them and care what they think. As long as things are super, I will not send the letter-and will just adress the issue when I see them. I will then explain I chose to take my life back so I could enjoy a long and healthy life--and be there for my husband and children. When I'm a healthier me, a more 'normal' size and doing more things with my children and husband surely they CAN"T give me a hard time. (lol--hopeful thinking, huh?!) Thanks, everyone--I just needed a little support, some advice and a sounding board. You all are wonderful! Hugs! Michelle

Hi, Michelle, I like your decision! What is important is that your main support system (dear hubby) is aware! Sounds like the only thing your in-laws would do is worry themselves and YOU! I have a feeling that when it's all said and done, they will be bragging about your progress. Hugs!!! Becky

I debated on telling my mother for the simple fact that she only hears what she wants too. But I figured I needed to anyway. I forgot to tell her that I didn't want anyone to know about it until I had made my final decision. Twenty minutes later I started getting phone calls from family memebers wanting to talk to me about it...so much for keeping it a secrete. Everyone I have talked to in my family has been very supportive. They just want to make sure I have done my research, which I have. My mother still thinks that if I go on a strict diet and exercise rotinue that I will be able to loose all the weight. She seems to forget about the PCOS that I have and how hard it is to loose weight. Like I said, she only hears what she wants...You have enough on you right now with this decision, I wouldn't bother telling them. Why add on the extra stress? I have found that the people on this site are great at giving that support you need. Who else better to be there for you than the folks that live it and are going through what you are? Also if you haven't, look for a support group in your area. Take care! Kim

Michele, there were a few people I did not tell and if I were you, I probably would not include my inlaws in it. It would be just another opportunity for them to call you a failure (not able to diet on your own). My sister is that way. I have not nor will I tell her. She would put her own spin on it and that doesn't help me at all. I did research for almost 2 years before I decided tobdo this. I had Peachtree Bariatrics(Dr Titus Duncan) do the surgery just this past Friday. My friends, my husband and even customers I am working with all knew i would be going in for surgery and all were very supportive. I did this surgery for myself and for noone else. I was tired of failing on diets and gaining more weight each time I stopped a diet. I want to live past the age of 50, which neither of my parents did because of complications of obesity. If this is a choice you are making for yourself, then tell those people you know will be supportive of you. Good Luck