Goodbye Letters!

Hey Everyone! I don't like to think negatively! However, I am a practical person and I was just wondering if anyone wrote letters to their friends and/or loved ones to say goodbye to them in the event that you did not make it thru your wls? The reason I'm asking is because there are a lot of people (distant family/friends) I have not told about my deciding to have wls. How did y'all handle this subject? Thanks! Blessings! Cheryl G.

Hiya, Cheryl! Indeed, I wrote a letter to my then 15-month-old daughter (surg date 10/22/03) in the event that something awful happened. I also had a will AND a living will drawn up by my attorney, simply because you just "never know". If it brings any solace to you, just look at the huge numbers of post-ops posting here on OH...We made it through and so will you. Just stay nervous ('cause that's only natural) but optimistic and inspired by the idea of a healthier, "new you"! If you're like most of us (and I'm sure you are!), you'll encounter SOME negative responses from family and friends when you tell them of your decision to have WLS. My parents and one of my oldest and dearest friends (everyone else was very encouraging and with me all the way from the beginning) were scared at first, but when I put my decision into perspective, telling them that while there was only a 1 in 200 chance of my dying from surgery, there was a 100% chance that I'd die without it, they relaxed a bit and became much more supportive. Now that I'm down nearly 140 lbs, they're THRILLED!! So try not to fret too much about telling others. In the end, you have to do what you know is best for YOU! And more than likely, everyone in your life will end up supporting you 100%. If it would make you feel better to write letters prior to surgery, do so by all means! And make sure to have your will and living will in order, esp. if you have children. I tried to view it as, "Hey - I need to have them eventually, anyway, so why not do it now??" Hope that helps. Good luck and God Bless! Amy 402lbs/266lbs/245lbs

Hi Cheryl! Although I don't have a date yet-nor ins. approval, I've already written my letters and filed them away. I'll tell my hubby where they are before surgery day. It was the hardest thing I've ever done-and I cried buckets when I did it. I just wanted to explain to dh and my two girls what they meant to me. I also wrote one to my 'extended' family. Most of them will not know about this surgery until it's over. If you decide to write the letter(s), give yourself a day when no one is home and bring a box of tissues. Hugs! Michelle

hey! i have been thinking about this every day. i really really want to write them, its just a case of going somewhere where i can do it privately cause im sure i will be a basket case! i look at it this way. im sure i will make it through surgery ok, but these are the feelings i have for you now, and to make peice w/ my own self it needs to be done. so,,,, i feel that this is a good idea. very emotional one, but a good one. take care. jerri

Hey, Cheryl, I sent a big note (e-mail) to my parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews letting them know that the decision was mine (so they would not feel in any way responsible if something went wrong) and how much they all meant to me - the ways that they each blessed me. I sent separate notes to hubby and son. The cool thing is that I should have told them all of this stuff before! I got letters from Dad and Mom in return that I will always cherish! I wish I had sent these "I love you"s a long time ago. Hugs, Becky

Cheryl, I wrote one note to my husband because in the several months prior to surgery, I had talked with all my friends. I told everyone in the event of the worst, they were to make sure to be there for my husband and to make sure he gave me the cheapest burial possible(no viewing/cremation)and then go help him spread my ashes some place fun. The other thing i told everyone was that they were to have a kick a$$ margarita party and remember how much I liked to party. The note to my husband was quick. I told him how much I loved him, bury me cheap, find somebody new(he needs a wife!), and have a party celebrating my life. Oh yeah........i also told him what/where all insurance policies were and where the extra emergency cash stash was!! Needless to say, He never got the note!!! Good luck

Hey Cheryl, you know, that's a very good question to ask. I know a lot of people do something like this when they approach their surgery date. I debated about it a lot, but in the end I wrote letters as well. I wrote one to my mom, and one to each of my sisters. I also wrote one big one to my group of friends, addressing everyone individually. When I got to the hospital the morning of my surgery I told my mom where the letters were in case anything happened to me. Luckily it didn't, and when I got home they were right where I had left them. I threw them away because I decided I needed to tell everyone what was in the letters in my own way and over time. It has helped me keep everything in perspective! Best wishes to you! Kelle

Your post made me think. I never wrote this type of letter, and it never entered my mind to do so. I think the reason is that I live my life a certain way. I tell those I love that I love them, everyday. I don't hold grudges, or keep secrets from people I love. Everything is out there in the open, because I know that the only thing I have is this moment in time...no promises for tomorrow. When I was 9 years old, my father was killed in a car accident. That moment in time changed me in a very profound way. I truly believe I live in the here and now, because it's the only thing I'm sure of. G-d forbid, something happens to someone I love, I want them to know I love them. I couldn't bear it if someone else died, and I had withheld my love. I never worried about dying from WLS. I'm more concerned about other people leaving me. Different experiences continue to shape us.