Consultation Scheduled/ Hubby's chin on the floor - Ugh!

Hello, I met with my PCP last night. He told me WLS was a good option for me. I was surprised, but then again I shouldn't have been. I have a good doctor and he genuinely cares about my current and future health. He was very knowledgeable about the different types of surgeries and the doctors currently practicing in Georgia. He referred me to Dr. Burrowes and highly recommended him as the best choice. He talked about the WLS stars currently practicing who Burrowes routinely cleans up behind and advised me to stay clear of a particular doctor who does substandard work, isn't board certified, etc. Overall I was impressed that he was so up on the WLS options. Anyway, I got a call today that I have a Feb 17th appointment for consultation with Dr. Burrowes. Boy is that quick. It's kind of bittersweet. I am thinking about the surgery and my husband wants me to have a baby. He knows I can't have a baby if I have the surgery so my moving ahead with the consult is a sign that I am not moving in the direction he wants me to. This is going to be a strain on our marriage, but what can I do? I don't want to have a baby at my age.(39). I'm too heavy, too old (in my opinion) and have too much job stress to add a newborn to my agenda, plus my son (his stepchild) is 13. I don't want to start over again. I've been praying about it all, but it is very hard to not give someone you love what they want, particularly when they can't get it themselves. Anyone out there with a similar situation? Blessings, Rhonda

Rhonda, Although you need support from you husband, you also have to do what is right for you and your health. If you weight is that bad, you dont need to have a baby right now. Having an L and D back ground as a nurse, you will be healthier to have a baby 2 yrs after you have the surgery. Although you will be older, that is not necessarily a bad thing. It would be bad to have the overweight and health problems on top of being older and pregnant. Let him know how you are feeling. I am assuming this is your second marriage. You need to let him know your health is more important because if you arent healthy, you arent going to live a good quality of life to raise a child. It is alot to think of, but it is something your will have to talk to him about, and promise you will be talking to a psychologist as well and that will help you sort things out. D'Lynn...still waiting on approval

Rhonda, Congratulations on your consult date. That was very fast! I am going for my first consult Feb. 21 with Dr. Hart. I am very excited, nervous, anxcious, and any other emotion! As for your situation with the hubby wanting a baby, 39 would definatley be too old for me. It is really up to the person, but I would never go through that again at 39!!! If you have a 13 yr old, you are going to have your hands full in about 3 more years anyway. Also if the insurance companies get their way, they are going to stop paying for bariatric surgery all together. It certainly may put a strain on your marriage, but I would suggest you talk deeply about your wants and needs, and if that doesn't work try counseling. I had my twins at 30 and by age 39 I pretty much had no energy to chase a toddler around! And frankly I don't want to anyway!!! As we get older, we tend to slow down, and need quiet, relaxing peace!!! That WILL not happen with a child! I pray the best for you and your hubby! Keep us posted on your consult, and the decision about the baby!! Good Luck & God Bless Karen

I can't resist replying to your post Rhonda. I am in no means telling you to wait for your surgery, I know your health has to be the number one thing right now. But as for having a baby late in life... I had my 3rd child at the age of 40 with a 18 and 20 year old at home. Let me tell you, this child has doubley, tripley blessed every single one of us. I have so much more patience and am just enjoying her so much. She is truely, the light of my life. You see things in a whole new light when you are older and wiser. I would certainly make sure I was in the best possible health but I would never let my age be a deciding factor in bringing a new life into my world. Keep praying to God hon, He will lead you in the right direction. Get hubby to pray to. Congrats on getting such a quick date... I am still waiting and made my call in november! Email me if you ever wanna talk. God Bless, Barb

Barbara, I tried to email you but the little window won't open. I keep having this problem so I'll respond here. I have been praying about the baby for over a year now. We have been trying for about six months and talking about it for 2 yrs. The issue is probably not really about not wanting to have the baby late in life, it's more about not wanting to have a baby at all. I am tired. I work hard and have a very demanding job which I can in no way leave. If I didn't have to work this wouldn't be a question, but I do. It's not about my career, because Lord knows if I came into $ 100,000 I'd quit and find some other way to generate income after it was gone. You live in Georgia, so I can tell you, I work for DFCS. Stress, stress, stress. I am not interested in doing the childcare thing, rushing to pick up the baby, sick days, then there's homework again, sacrificing to pay for Christian private school, sports and activities. UGH! Not again. I love my son to pieces and maybe being supermom to him has burnt me out. In many ways I have felt like a single parent because of my husband's work schedule and lack of committment to fathering early on in our marriage. I have sat down with hubby and told him how I feel. He doesn't do a great job of listening. So this weekend I told him the thought of having a baby makes me want to run screaming through the streets naked. I think that got his attention. Then I went for the appointment on Monday evening and that futher got his attention. I think this is just one of the things in marriage that either you get over or you don't make it. I have made so many decisions around my family's needs and wants for years. I have to stand up and not give in on this, otherwise I know in my heart I will regret it. I've been praying and praying and even praying about "how" I'm praying and my role as a wife with respect to this. I am trusting the Lord to show me the path, but right now I must say, I have peace with my position. Thanks for letting me share.

ok I'm on a need to know - who was the doctor you were told to stay away from. I'm scheduled for surgery on Friday and hope it is not my doctor. Please let me know. Thanks Martha

Oh my, I shouldn't have said that. Running my mouth (or fingers) again. I'm new and I don't want to start anything on these boards. I'm sure you've made the best choice for yourself, particularly if you did so prayerfully.

Rhonda My kids and stepkids are teenagers now & I cant imagine starting over. But My husband already had children from a previous marriage. I just wanted to let u know that your doctor was right about Dr Burrowes. I went for my first visit with him on Jan 13,2005 and he does really seem to be a good doctor.