Need a little help..am I over reacting

Hi all, I got two things on my mind that are realy bugging me. 1) After talking Saturday night and then hearing about Chris W. passing, the idea of writing letters to my family before surgery has me thinking...do you write what you want to say (might hurt some feelings) or do you write what you think they want to hear? Or not write the letters at all? 2)With all this on my mind...I asked my husband if I did not make it would he re-marry? He said YES, so now I'm up set about that. HELP my mind hurts and I can't sleep. Martha

That is an easy one. You do what you think is best. You know your family better than we do. I myself made my peace with everyone before I had mine since we had two friends die the last two weeks before my surgery. I mad some people mad but at least they knew how I felt before I went in. My DH also said he would probably remarry sometme later. I was upset too but I would want him to be happy. My kids had other thoughts about that though. They said they won't let him marry anyone else. haha. If you are still up let me know and I will call you. Hugs, Debra

Martha, I too wrote letters, they were very sappy and dramatic at the time. My husband was not pleased when he found out. He is a big believer in the power of postive thinking. (me, not so much) Looking back, the letters that I wrote were inappropriate for my family, I think that I was too emotional. If I had to do it over again, I would write what I would want for them for the future, not about me so much. I have two boys under the age of 5, my husband and I have had "the talk" He tells me that he would never remarry, but for the kids, I feel that he must, no matter how hard that hurts me. I'm not sure if you have kids or not, but that's my situation. I really don't know If I have helped you or made your head hurt worse! I hope that I helped. Cathy Martin

1) What is your REAL reason for writing the letters? It sounds like you are using it as an excuse to discuss Issues, not to express the impact the person has had in your life. 2) Are you so selfish that you'd never what you DH to have another loving companion in his life? What a lonely sad life that would be. In reading what you wrote I'm seeing a lot of "me, me, me" and no real consideration of THEM. This is just my opinion. It is not law or from Dr. Phil, Marrilee

I'm sorry you got want I wrote as me me me, but it's not. 1997 I lost a husband to a heartattack, so I know what it is like to be left when someone you love passes. I was thinking of their feelings not mine. As for my husband....I do not want him to be alone. I want the best life has for him. But damn I don't want to hear about it while I still here. Martha

I was just trying to see what you all had done and had helt about this, because I want to do whats right for my family. Martha

Martha, Don't let the idea of your hubby re-marrying get you down. You're not gone. He wouldn't be re-marrying to "replace" you - just to find happiness again once you are gone. (I pray that dosen't happen - at least not any time soon!) I did write letters to everyone in my family, put them in a safe place, and told one person where they were so they could be properly distributed if I did pass. (I thank GOD I didn't pass away.) My letters were to the individual members of my family and it expressed to them my love for them, and how I felt about them. I didn't feel the need to drudge up "past" issues. Do what YOU feel will make you the most at ease. Don't worry about what will or won't happen if the worst should happen. Just my thoughts! Dee Dee

I did write letters to many members of my family, and told my mom where they were in case something happened. Mostly I told them all how grateful I was for their presence in my life and what I wish for them for the future. And I did bring up a couple of "issues" but only in terms of how I wish they could resolve these things for themselves. I figured that if I was gone, I'd want them to know how concerned I am for certain things. Now that I am still around to work through that, I tore the letters up and plan to work on it with them over time. It was a very emotional process but very cathartic and good for me. It helped me reflect on my life, the legacy I would have left behind, and what I wanted to change if I made it through ok. Now the hard part comes, sticking to those resolutions. Yay therapy! Kelle

Martha, I didn't write any letters , I just talked to my family and told them I was going to be fine and that I loved them very much. I had been divorce for 27 years when I married my husband Charles 6 years ago. I had known him and his first wife for all of my life. They were married for 42 years and she died suddenly. When we married he didn't stop loving her and I've sat by him and held his hand when he cried because he missed her and wished he could have made her life better. He has been very GOOD to me and we love each other very much. I think because we were 50 and 61 and had been friends forever , we have a greater understanding of what life is all about and how short it is. So we make the best of everyday. He sayes he wouldn't marry again if I died , and I tell him I don't care if he gets married the next day after I die , because how he treats me while I'm alive is what counts !! So I hope this makes you feel better . But you do what makes you happy and I want to wish you the very best . Judy