Bad day in fatville

Today I wore Halloween colors and I'm sure I looked like 'its The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.' I had on a solid burnt orange blouse, black slack with loafers. I wore a pair of gold loops to accent my face. My hair was pulled into a sleek black bun, and I wore natural toned makeup. I felt presentable and I was in a great mood. There were only 5 women in the office today; myself and 4 others, with me being the largest. Ironically all 4 women were very tall, slender and looked pretty average. A brother from the IT department walked into our group. He is around forty and is always very kind. He and I were on a company leadership retreat a few months back, and since then we've always been especially nice to one another. As he entered he waved his hand to everyone, and said hello then walked over to the other side of the cubicle where each one of the other 4 women sat. I over heard him announce to women discreetly that he had come into some extra tickets to see Usher Raymond, and asked if each wanted a ticket. All the women gladly accepted and offered to pay him something for the tickets but he declined saying, "I just want you ladies, to look your best." Of the 4 women 3 had never known him other than just seeing him around the office. Tim shelled out the tickets, left and the women made planes to go shopping the next day and to meet up at the office on the day of the concert to carpool to the Usher Raymond concert. As this all unfolded, I wondered why he hadn't asked me and wondered what would make him think I wouldn't want to go. I immediately began to feel it is because of the way I look. I wondered is there is something about me that yells, hey; 'She's Not Usher Raymond Concert Material?' I know most of y'all are on the looser side, but do any of you remember being ostracized because of your size? I don't know if I'm trippin, or if this is the wrong time of the monthbut I feel like this regularly. Is this common for a pre op?

Monique, I have lost 72 pounds and still feel that way. People have been told that thin is where it's at and never have time for us bigger people. They don't know what their missing. Most of us have a great sense of humor and are caring, loving people. And it's not because of our size. People look at me and laugh and half the time I want to crawl away and die. BUT, I am worth a lot and I will not be put down any more. From now on I will speak up for myself and others in my situation and dare anyone to tell me I am wrong. Just because we are big doesn't mean we don't deserve the love and respect just the same as the tooth picks of the world. Why not ask him why he didnt' ask you. Let him know he hurt your feelings and that you want to know why> He might not have even thought about that. You know some people just don't think of others. I hope this helps some. Always remember you are not alone. There are millions of us out here. Its time we stand up and be counted. Hugs, Love and Prayers, Debra

Hello Monique! I fully understand what you're saying. I, as the other poster, am on the losing side but far from goal. I have lost 66lbs but I still get that "left out" feeling. I am the largest person at my office as well. I have come to the conclusion that anytime I'm left out like that, it's their loss. I'm sure you have a lot to offer and they will just miss out on that. Don't think of yourself negectively...you were a beautiful fall babe, not 'It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown'. I give myself pep talks on a daily basis and I truly believe this helps me to get thru the day. The bottom line is you are beautiful and deserving, no matter your size. Anyone that can't see that must be shallow. As for your question, even after surgery we still have to re-train our minds to see the beauty inside as the outside changes. If you can get a ticket, go see Usher girl and wear your baddest outfit...YOU ARE USHER RAYMOND CONCERT MATERIAL!! God bless! Cindi -66

Boy, I do not understand people being rude and insensitive to other people regardless of size. I am so sorry that you had to endure this today. There are no words that can make the hurt go away but I do want to offer ((((((((HUGS)))))))) and let you know that you are any Concert Material you want to be. I do believe if we didn't feel bad, for me both mentally and physically, I would have never gone to this extreme to lose weight. I am still a new post op and my pouch does keep me from overeating but it didn't change my taste buds, or my head telling how wonderful something "off-limits" would be but I do feel a little better everyday. To answer your question being "left" out of things happen regularly to me. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Theresa

What a jerk. And it sounds like he also insulted them too - telling them that they needed to look good. Who does he think he is anyway??? Months from now you are going to be able to leave them all behind IN THE DUST. Hang in there. And I too felt more sensitive (I guess that's the word) about weight issues both prior and after surgery - I guess it's just so much on the brain you are more focused on size than when you were just ignoring it. Before you know it you'll be on the other side. Trust me, things look different.... and you won't worry so much about everyone elses' opinions - they'll be worrying about what YOU think!

(((((Hugs))))) I am so sorry you had a bad day!!! It's amazing that it is the year 2004 and people are STILL insensitive to people of size. I have been MOO'd and OINK'd at on several occasions and quit walking because a group of "kids" made a comment as they were driving by. You go in there tomorrow looking your best, put on a BIG smile and let him know that it really bothered you.....maybe next time he will stop and THINK for once in his jerky boy life *grin*. I think every skinny person should have to wear a "fat suit" for one week *lol* Just my two cents......

MOnique, I am so sorry you feel left out! I happen to think you are a beautiful women. I really mean that and I have missed you here on the boards. YOU ARE USHER MATERIAL girl and it's just gonna get better! HUgs, Tonya

This guy sounds like a real jerk and this little "scene" was pointed directly at you. I have lost 84 lbs. in 5 months but am still far from my goal. I am working on it. I started hearing wisecracks about my weight at the workplace also. I hate to say this but I am a very vindictive person. I do not believe in hatefullness or violence but I am the type that would try to get back at him in a very unique and considerate way. I do not like people like this and I know the world is filled with them. Just keep your surgery plans and in the end he will probably be grovelling like the rest of the ignorant men who only judge women by what they see. Then when this happens you can treat him in the manner in which he deserves. I am already seeing "tables" turn in many of my relationships because of my weight loss. I am no longer such a sensitive person anymore and I am not the pushover I used to be. I tend to open up my mouth a bit more than I used to - after all I am worth it!!! You are too!!

Monique, Could it have been an age thing instead of the weight? Could it have been a single versus married thing? There are so many factors that could have been involved that might have been innocently assumed by the ignorant and rude guy! Because I truly think he should like you since you ARE a sweetheart (can tell from your profile), I'm thinking there IS another explanation. Hugs to you! Becky

Good points Becky. I was thinking of the single vs married deal. B/c I know that Monique is married. I would really hate to think that he based it all on body size. Tonya