Hey Everybody!

Just popping in to say, "Hey!" I hope all is well with everyone. We survived the last remains of Hurricane Frances. We lost power for about 12 hrs Monday night(we're lucky. SOme won't have power for a few more days) and have a few downed tree branches in the back yard. We had lots of down power lines and trees down around town. THe schools have been closed for the last two days but thankfully will open again tomorrow. Today I am 2 months post-op. I'm down about 28 lbs and 19".(I'm a "light-weight") I have been struggling this last week or so with carbs. I've been snacking on gold-fish, a little bit of pop-corn, and even a few chips! Admitting that is so hard but freeing at the same time. I think I am also having some mild depression. I have heard it talked about and fully expected it due to the fact that I have such a hormone imbalance, but low and behold it has snuck up on me. I just don't feel motivated at work, have no energy, feel short with everyone and today for the first time since I was two days post-op just wanted to cry for no reason at all. I just feel like I'm in a funk. I hope it passes quickly. I honestly think that I also am feeling like, "OK this really is permanent!" I compare it to going on a diet and being real gung-ho for the first few weeks or even a month and then all of sudden you just can't hack it anymore.....well, it's not that I can't hack it or even regret it but I just have this feeling popping up like..."this is it, no going back ever!" Kinda scary for a control freak. I don't get sick often and I feel lucky for this but when I do I just feel so bad that I feel like I never want that feeling again and never want to smell, see or think of food again. Of course that feeling passes but it's still a very real feeling. I know this sounds so disjointed and probably doesn't make a lot of sense. I just had to get this off my chest. I have a hard time askign for help or sharing my problems. I am normally the one to help others. Instead of sharing I often withdrawl and I don't want to keep these feelings in anymore. I want to be able to say, "Hey, guess what? I'm not perfect and I don't have to pretend to be!" I want to be ok with that fact. SO the first step for me is to just let it out! Anyone ever have this feeling? THanks for letting me get this out. Hugs, Tonya

WELL THERE YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!! I was going to post a "WHERE's TONYA L." post tonight! Well my friend, as you know, we are within a day of each other on our surgeries. I was sharing with Connie today, that I am now having thoughts about eating things that I know I cannot have. Not that I am actiing on them, but I find myself missing things now, whereas I had not done that much since surgery. I still do not have the energy at work I had before surgery. I was sharing earlier with K-man on the main board, that I think I am having caffeine withdrawals or something. Fear not girl... hang in there... yes, we did this permanently, however, the end result will be worth the "lack of control" over our food... Actually, if you really think about it, you now have the ULTIMATE control over your food, whereas we had no control before!! Give me a call if you need to talk!! I'm a great listener! -Tami

Tonya hang in there girl you will make it ...i went thru all them thoughts too ...And i am still snacking on my carbs ...i know i am bad but it is hard sometimes to snack on protine .....but they way i look at it i am still not eating alot and i am still being healthlyer than before .......we are not perfect and no one can expect us to be !! ( as i am looking at my free bagle and cream cheese ) but about your energy ...i was sooooooo tired at about two months to three months that i would work and go home and sleep for the day ...but i got some Vista Vitiamins and they were a life saver for me ....They totaly gave me back the energy that i use to have ...I think the web site is vistavitiamins.com but i am not 100% on the spelling but you should check it out ....it helped me alot !!! Laura

As uplifting as you've always been - I know the reality of this surgery can get to us all. I have had a few of the "getting sick" problems, but I'm learning how to handle it better. I still miss some foods....but I'm hoping with time I can learn to have little bits of them back into my diet again. I for one am glad you shared with us.......we're all going through very much the same things and can understand what you're going through (wether we're light weight or heavy weight) and are here to help! If you need someone to talk to let me know and I'll be happy to listen....I've got great shoulders to lean on!!! You've done a good thing for yourself - as we all have (those that are post op or are looking into it). We're taking the "Real" control of our lives. Keep your chin up gal! We love ya!

Tonya. You are definatly not alone.... Keep sharing and it will make you feel better. I am at a point of withdrawl right now and am trying to get out of this funk.... It always helps me to read what others are feeling that way I know I am not alone! Thanks for sharing.. Connie Ps... one week post op and down 18 lbs...

Tonya, This is the place where you come to get the support that YOU are usually giving... WE all need to get support sometimes and It is nothing to be ashamed of.... we are here for you... You are doing great girly.. and remember .... everything you are going thru, some one on here and felt it or done it before you , so you are not alone.... call me if you need to , or tell me to call you..... love ya Kiwani

Thank you so much for all your support! It means a lot to me! Hugs, Tonya

Tonya, girl I am sending a big ole hug to you! I know how hard this is...I've also been having the "oh crap, this is permanent" feelings. I've learned I can tolerate a certain amount of sugar, and none of the artificially sweetened candy. The chocolate makes me ill, so goodbye my sweet tooth! As for carbs...let's just say I never knew saltines were a delicacy! Hang in there...we'll all get better together! Kelle

Hey Honey! Glad to see you posting. I know we talked about this the other night. I think this is just another phase of the AMAZING POUCH and its will. I think being disjointed is normal. I know I am not the same person I was pre-op. My thought patterns, my anxieties, everything is wacko. I sometimes want to ball and say..."GOD CAN I PLEASE BE ME AGAIN"? Of course he laughs and says..But Denise, you prayed for good health so suck it up! Know what? We are human Tonya. This procedure is to HELP us learn to use a tool and to help us becoome healthier human beings. No where did it say we were to be "perfect" and to stay on the straight and narrow. You have a tool, you are using it. You are also being human. Do not let the guilt overwhelm you. Just realize what you are doing and control it. You are gonna do just FINE! I promise Love you girl! Denise

Hey Tonya, I wish I had some really wise words of wisdom for you. You're so good at addressing all of our issues. But I'm much better with paint colors and drapery fabrics than I am at wise words. I go up and down with the blues as well. I get frustrated at the pouch limitations sometimes. I do have a couple of handfuls of popcorn and a couple of lowfat Triscuits occasionally. I like the sugar free chocolate candy from Russell Stover, but have to remember any more than one piece will make me sick to my stomach. I guess the point is that none of us are perfect. We all are going through similar issues, and how fortunate we are to have each other's strength to draw on. I am now taking aerobics classes five or six days a week. I started the classes to get my metabolism in gear, but a really great side effect has been my mood improvement. I have never been a big cheerleader for exercise. I would rather have a root canal. But I absolutely love the way I feel when I am done. I have to drag my butt out to the gym, but when class is over, I know I did something amazing for myself. I had enough control to beat the devil on my back that tried to keep me from getting there. Of course, I'm toning up and that's great, but I'm actually feeling better emotionally and having much fewer episodes of the blues. Maybe it isn't due to the exercise, but maybe it is. Just walking doesn't do it for me. It has to be hard, gut-wrenching, sweat till you wanna die exercise. Hang in there Tonya, we all have to do battle with our demons in our own way. I'm just going to sweat mine out. But remember, we all do have demons, and all of us who have had this surgery have already proven that we are ready to fight them. You're gonna do just fine. We all here for you always. -Paige