Confessions of a New Post Op

Since my surgery, I have all new feelings and emotions. I feel so strange and so scrutenized- that I almost feel paranoid... In regards to the ICU... I am a bit that I have lost 4 days of my life that I have no account for. I literally have lost time that is gone. I am very to be alive. I am to be able to start this journey now. But I also am just as about everything now that I am post-op. Just like I was a weirdo going in, I am now a weirdo coming out.... What do I mean by this? I prepared myself and expectations based on everyone elses experiences. -I can drink 8 oz's in 10 mins no problem -I can drink ALL of my protein shakes no problem -I can take all vitamins no problem -I AM HUNGRY! (and not head hunger )- I am so damn hungry that I cry and to the point that my stomach growls and burns....I never had hunger issues prior to this surgery. -I can eat a whole semi soft cheese stick in 15 mins with no prob. -I can eat 1 Tblsp of peanut butter in 20 mins with no problems -I can eat 2 Tblsp of Ramon noodles mashed with melted cheese. What I am NOT () trying to do is get sick or cause damage prior to my first visit to the surgeon on next Wednesday. However, I CAN NOT continue to sit here and starve. I called the surgeon ...His suggestion..Prefer that I DO NOT eat, however, if I do please stay to soft as possible foods. I can Not Eat... Broth Sugar Free Jello Applesauce Mashed potatoes Any sugar free fruit flavored anything... And this is Driving me NUTS!!!!!!! When I got home Tuesday, and weighed I had gained 12 lbs more than when I weighed in for my surgery. As of today, I have lost 20lbs whi*****ludes that fluid. I feel weird and strange and not like anyone else here. I had to place a call to Hope and she connect me with someone else who has the same "abilities" I have and that makes me feel better. I now feel like I am an alien..... I am now weird. I feel like I have nothing I can offer as far as posts to others- I just feel totally out of sorts. I don't like how I feel.. I feel BLAH Denise

Denise, I know exactly how you feel. My experience has also been very different from what I read about pre-op and that's a lot of the reason I'm not on here as much as I used to be. I feel like I can't offer support because my reality is so different. I also was hungry after surgery, and I also could not wait out my doctor's liquid diet. If I saw another cup of broth or spoonful of jello I was going to fling myself out of a window. I still have problems not drinking while eating. I have to sip something while eating. I was a guzzler before so I guess that's an improvment. I've also found that the only thing that settles my stomach is some form of carbs, pretzels, crackers, something like that. I thought I would be the model patient and do everything 100% correct. What a pipe dream that was. My protein shakes are too sweet, all I want is salty, sour food. It's driving me nuts. I can't eat artificial sweeteners, but real sugar doesn't seem to bother me. I'm trying to learn to work with what I've been given. I'm so thankful for my 50 pound lose, but know that the above habits have got to be put in check for me to loose what I need to. I'm here to support you Denise.....this website isn't just for people who are star students and who wake up from surgery as perfect humans. It's for us real folks too. PS The amounts of food you can eat don't seem unusual to me...I think you're doing great! Kelle

Kelle, This whole situation is very upsetting to me. I guess I feel stupid but I have been SOOOOO Prepared that now that things differ so much from the original expectations that I am at a loss. There are very few who can relate to this, or who can give advice. Most folks are so full that Hunger is not an issue for them... You are talking to a woman who NEVER suffered from hunger and is now angry cause she is starving. Hell I wish I could eat broth and Jello- It will not go down- I as soon as I try to get it down. However foods such as peanut butter or soft cheese- No problem. SALT..OMG! I am craving salt so bad I could kill for it. Like I have zero salt in me. I only got one set of shakes- Unjury vanilla and chocolate. I can do those NO PROBLEM!..... And to make it worse...I CRAVE CARBS...CRAVE THEM.... This is not suppose to be like this at all. Who did you Dr. Appel or Dr. Steinburg? I know I am not going to make it to Wednesday at this rate. Denise P.S. By the way, Flo told me you worked with her- How ironic is that. We just discovered this a few days ago. Thanks for your feedback.

Dr. Appel did me....did you have your gallbladder out? I did and I know I'm craving carbs cause they suck up all the bile running through me and keep me from having constant diarhea. Sorry to be so graphic, but I live in the bathroom now. Anything I eat that has any amount of fat in it (a lot of proteins) send me to the toilet! I hate it! I'm upset too that I'm having those issues, but I'm thankful I didn't have complications like you did. I guess I'll just have to find more proteins I can deal with and lay off the carbs. I just want to drink pickle juice, I swear! Kelle

Hey Kelle! I had nothing by the bypass. I kept my gallbladder and had a lap. I have heard from several folks letting me know that its ok- so I am feeling better. I am also being told that there are some of us who are carb cravers. Some folks in our support group have called me and spoken to me personally to comfort me and let me know that its ok to be this way. I have not been bold enough to try olives, pickles, etc...Heck I am still slapping myself for peanut butter. Talk Soon! Denise

I can't eat as much as you can.....well...not all the time any way. I'm at the point (and yeah I'm 3 months PO) that I'm worried cause I now can eat a LOT more food than I was able to. I am finally able to get about 1/2 cup food down in one sitting without throwing it back up. I spent the first two months in the bathroom - only not on the end you sit on. I found some foods that go down well - that I've been told by others aren't supposed to be easily digestable which is salads.....I LIVE on salads. Trust me - we're here for you!!!! I know I've been discouraged and EVERYONE here (perfect student's or not) have offered some sort of support. We do care....we want you to succeed....we also realize that every person's operation is different! I for one would be upset if you felt like you couldn't turn to us....even if it's just to vent! Keep us posted....any support I can offer - I will!

Hi Diana is the last word, or feeling I EVER want to experience again in LIFE! I mean it. I don't feel full, and therefore do not have that feeling. It is only when I try to get in things like...SF Jello...Broth....SF Pudding I automatically gag....and that is something I am not trying to do. I have full intention of succeeding. I just needed to vent and speak about how I feel about this. I am not trying to do anything to sabatoge anything. Thanks for your feedback! Denise

I know how you feel about food I though it would be a breeze for me i'm diabetic before surgery I ate all this sugar free junk now I can't stand the smell it makes me sick. Good luck. Harriett

Right after surgery just sucks!!! Everyone has different expectations, experiences and disappointments. We all get through them and they make us stronger. YOU WILL LOSE!!!!! You're not an alien and not an outsider. You fit right in with all of us that are struggling to make the surgery what it should be for each of us. Try to keep your chin up and keep on truckin'. You're doing great. Some of the blah's could also be a side effect of the anesthesia...it does weird things to your body and emotions. Keep up the good work. Just think that before surgery it would not have been just a teaspoon of this or a 1/2 cup of that....the whole bag is more like it...right? You're doing good. Just remember how you ate before...nothing like you're doing now. YOU'RE DOING GREAT! I know this doesn't make the feeling of blah go away but try to be encouraged...okay? Phyllis

Thanks Phyllis! Denise