Losing my best friend

My best friend (?) had WLS in September of 2003. She weighted over 400lbs prior to having surgery. In January 2004, I was over to her house watching television with her and her sister. At some point a conversation came up about the clothes we would be buying for a cruise we were taking in August. At this point she had lost 60+ pounds. Well, she said she was wearing a bathing suit. I made the comment that she should not because she would have lost more weight and would having sagging skin on her thighs (her problem area). These kind of comments were not uncommon among us (we keep each other in check with our attire). At this point her sister implied that I was jealous. At no time did my best friend attempt to clearify that she did not feel I was jealous. To make a long story short, I left her house very upset. She and I have had minimal contact and conversation since then. Everyone assumes that I'm jealous of her because she was always bigger than me but now she's not. Don't get me wrong, she does look great (she was a beautiful girl prior to surgery and I told her this all the time). It amazes me how she is doing to me what smaller women have done to us all our lives. We've been best friends for over 13 years. Now, I don't trust her, nor do I like her attitude. When we were on the cruise ship there was alot of tention. She never once initiate a conversation with me. I told her I was having WLS on Aug. 24 and she never asked me anything about it. When she had her surgery I stayed over night with her, help put a bed pan under her ass right after surgery and helped her to the bathroom, among other things. Now this really ****** me off. So what do you guys think? I need an unbaised opinon about this situation. I hate to throw a friendship away after all these year over something so silly. Yet, I do feel that she has been jealous of my accomplishments since high school and she feels she is one up-ing me by being smaller than me. Thanks for taking the time to read my long post! Sonya

Sonya, I'm the type person that take friendship very serious. I have two really close friends, there were more, but once I felt betrayed thats it for me. I think friendship is to valuable to throw away. Maybe you and her need to sit down and have a long time. Get everything out in the open. I just feel that 13 yrs of friends is too valuable to throw away because of the green eyed monster. This is just my opinion. Mrs~Jackson

Sonya, I agree with Mrs. Jackson. You and your girlfriend need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart. If she is truely your friend she will be willing to discuss it and move on. On the other hand, I believe there is a reason and a season for everything. I hope that you and her are able to move into a new season of your lives together. Hugs! Tonya

Oh this is a tough one. IF she is a true friend then it is worth the effort and prayers to work this out. I do however question her being this based on the impression she is giving. Maybe the "air" should be cleared between the 2 of you then you will know for sure. We are here to support you and our surgeries are a day apart. Hugs and prayers to you, Theresa

Okay - this is just my opinion - but you've asked. I don't think you said anything (about her weight) or have acted in any way out of line that wasn't called for. If yo've always "Kept each other in check" then your comment was out of concern and not of jealousy! I'm sure you're proud of her for her accomplishment! I agree that if she is truly your best friend you should be sit with her and let her know your concerns. Let her know also that you would like her to be there for you the way you were there for her. I couldn't imagine loosing my best friend of 13 years of a misunderstanding. Pray for peace and a resolution and I believe that it will happen for you. Best wishes and God bless!

I think you should try ONE time to talk openly with her and tell her how you feel, since you have been friends for so long. I personally think there are probably other issues working here but I cannot be sure. If it gets to a point where you are doing all the work and it is actually punishment for you to be around her, back off. You have to then focus on your own weight loss surgery and set your own goals for yourself and not let anything or anyone get in the way of that. I read your profile and you referred to her as your "best friend" - that tells me that you have good feelings towards her. Perhaps her feelings are not the same. On another note, I feel that when we are overweight we try to protect ourselves anyway we can and get very very sensitive and overreact to things we would not overreact to if we were thin. I guess when we heal our bodies with surgery - we also heal our minds. Hugs - Lisa