to go along with the one thing .........

Ok well after reading a few of the posts i got from what is the one thing... there is something that i keep thinking of ...Alot of us have mentioned getting attention from Men or Women (joe i did not forget you LOL) but here is the thing i know we are all like ....."i cannt wait to be small so i get attention ......"but do you think you guys will kinda be like ...Why are you talking to me now when you would not talk to me a year ago ?? And be offended to some degree that peopel are not approching you cause your small.......that just keeps going thru my mind and all and i am scard as to how i might react the first time someone comes onto me and i am small and sexy !!! Just something to make you all think today !!! Laura

Honestly I've wondered about that...I've also wondered if I'll know what to do with myself when someone does approach me. I've always been at the back of the pack in that regard, and I really don't know how to flirt very well. When someone does make a move on me, half the time I think they're being jerks and just making fun of me. Thus....the therapist I am currently seeing I know I'll need help learning how to adjust my self image and getting this huge chip off my shoulder....too bad they can't operate on that huh? Kelle

Kelle Can you imagin..I mean we are going to be feeling so good and so great about our selves when we lose all this weight and if and when we get our self esteem in check ...OMG i think they are going to have to pop our heads cause they might get a little big !!! but ya know what i dont mind as long as i do come back down and know what is what ......but it will be fun for a little while to have a big head and look good and know we look good .....and flirting is nothing ....I am good at flirting ....that is the fun part ...It is the relationship part i flip out on ....mabey i need to see your therapist LOL LOL LOL LOL Laura

I was floored when men started talking to me (the first time ever!) but I went from giddy to mad as h**l! Not so much mad at men that never knew me pre-op but it was the men at work I had a hard time dealing with. I've worked for the same company for almost 16 years, you see me everyday and NOW you want to talk to me!?!? Take a hike mister! I went out with one guy at my office but I just could not get it out of my head that he would have never asked me out pre-op. So that ended my dating anyone else from work. When I went out with my hubby on our first date, I pulled out my pre-op pic and gave it to him before he even sat down at the resturant and told him "Thats me and if you dont like it there is no need to waste my time or yours." He looked at it, sat down and has been by my side ever since Sidney

Laura, Thanks for remembering me A few thoughts on this issue: Of all the people who were possible love interests in my life there is only one person who I would like to say to her face that "you had your chance." The reason why is because she was especially coniving with me and lead me on. You also raise an interesting point about being approached more once you are smaller. I think we all have to ask ourselves (male and female alike) would we have approached someone as heavy as us, even when we were at our fattest. I am ashamed to say that I would not. Even at my largest, I would still be interested in the thin girls. As many therapists will probably say, once we are thin we have to make sure that we are looking for meaningful relationships, and not just one night stands. We need to make sure that we aren't trying to replenish this "deficit" we have accumulated in our life. Just because we haven't had as many "relations" as other folks doesn't mean we have to play catch-up. Anywho, that's my thoughts on the matter . Joe

Well were do i send the check for that therpy session Joe ??? But i do agree we dont have to play catch-up at all ..The only thing that i think i am alittle different than you is that i have always been attractive to guys that are alittle heavy . Now that might have been since i was bigger i did not want a stick figuer of a guy Then i Would feel like everyone was looking at me and all that ...So now you got me thinking if that will change too ...huuuuuuhhhh that is something there ..Man joe you just got me thinking today !!!! But i will admit i did go out with the sweetest guy last year and he was very very heavy and was about to get teh surgery but there was something missing there for me and i had to end it ...Now i never got to put my finger on it but it might have been physical but i just know there was something not right for me .....but he was the best guy and i could say it is my loss ....but you learn from your mistakes and move on right ??? Laura

That is something else that many of us have had to deal with; "settling" for someone. As hard as it is to realize, physical attraction is a necessary component of any relationship. Without it, you're just good friends. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone, it has to be running on all cyliders. including physical attraction. Many obese people enter into relationships or marriages because they have settled for someone who they get along with. More times than not, it ends in dissapointment and divorce. I will say that I'm not going to fall for the first Skinny Minnie that is interested in me. I will admit that it will be nice to go out casually with new folks, but it is going to take a special someone to land this good 'ol boy Joe

Thats interesting Joe ,I am just the oppisite, i have adored and been really atracted to BBWs ( big beautiful women ) all my life ,and i am married to one now who i love dearly . She is concerned that when i lose weight that i won't be attracted to her anymore. But i tell here , and i KNOW that i will always be attracted to BBWs . I'm not saying that average size woman are not attractive , I'm just saying in my eyes a bbw is more attractive . On a different note , I know what you mean by the big bropther deal , when i was your age i went thru the same thing , Travis www.bigt-archeryunlimited.com

Very interesting thought. One I really hadn't thought about at all probably because I am married to a wonderful man. I do look forward to seeing his reactions as I dress differently. Since I am a outgoing people person to begin with I am not sure that I would even have issue with this. I dealt with "issues" in therapy years ago so these demons were conquered. Should something come up in the future I have no doubt I could now handle it with integrity and grace. It's important to be sure of who you are inside first. Thanks for bringing up such and interesting topic. Take Care!

Hey Joe, I know what you mean about telling someone "you had your chance". I had a crush on this guy and I thought we were on the same page but then he TOLD me he would never have a "relationship" with me because he didnt like fat woman. He was just hanging out with me cause I was "nice" and he thought of me as a special friend. Gee thanks... Fast forward now, I've lost 145 pounds and I'm under goal. NOW wants to have a relationship with me. Nope, I wont give him the time of day. He even had the balls to have his MOTHER call me to tell me he has made a mistake and he really wants things to work with me NOW. Hey Mom, tell him I got married 6 months ago! Sidney