SELF-SABOTAGE

I have my date...JUNE 30th...Gotten all my pre-op tests done (upper GI, colonscopy, pulmonary function test, sleep study, chest x-ray, and EKG) all in just a few month. Now I'm desperately working on loosing those last 11 pounds and I only have 56 days!! AUGHHHH I work out 6 days a week and am on a 1500 cal ADA diet. Drinking water like there's going to be a water shortage tomorrow!! And that stubborn weight is just eaking slowly off. One day, I've lost 2lbs!! But the next, yep, I've found that 2lbs PLUS another .5!! It's just so yo-yo. The worst thing is that I find myself sabotaging myself eating more or snacking...always rationalizing that it's OK for some reason or another. I definately have a dual personality at this point. My left (logical) side of my brain is saying "Why? Why are you eating that? You know it's not allowed." but my right (irrational) side is just controling my arm and mouth and I find myself eating it more quickly...aughhh. And...I'm having those second, third, and fourth thoughts. You know...am I doing the right thing...have I tried EVERY diet...am I totally CRAZY!!! Anyway, does anyone else have these type of self-sabotaging problems?

Becky, my nurse practitioner (who is basically running the show) is recommending me to lose at least 20lbs. Not only will this reduce the size of that fatty liver and loosen the stomach flab we obese people have but with the diet she has me on, it goes ahead and gets me used to eating that same type of diet I'll be on post-op...like a modified Adkins....lots of protein and vegs and very little carbs

Becky, Sorry I didn't fully answer your question before. My doctor is Dr. Richard Bloom here in Columbus, GA. He is a surgeon who is board-certified for this type of surgery. He is just doing lap RNY-long limb procedures. He can open the patient up if needed but he perfers the lap procedures. Actually, his nurse practitioner, Karen McDade is the WLS coordinator. She does all the assessments, education, and appointments for procedures. The only time I saw Dr Bloom was for my pre-op colonscopy. She even assists him in surgery. She has been absolutely wonderful and supportive...even when I have a bad week and have GAINED weight instead of losing it!

I definitely have these problems, it's the reason why I've never been able to stick to a diet for any length of time! I'm in therapy trying to learn why I can't seem to control my "lizard brain". My therapist says it's important to learn to work with the instinctual part, not fight it. Maybe therapy is something you could check into as well? It can't hurt to get good coping skills for after the surgery! Kelle

Kelle, This is a great suggestion that I've been personally fighting against. I saw therapy as that final area that I might have control over but I've come to realize that it was my mind all along that got me into this mess in the first place!! I guess it's just time to find me a therapist who specializes in weight control. Thanks soooo much for the support!!

You're very welcome, you know a lot of people have issues with therapy. I have a very good friend who has depression problems, and in fact is married to another good friend of mine who tried to kill himself many, many years ago and neither one of them will seek therapy. They both say they don't believe in it! I just can't wrap my mind around that! I look at it as a person I can talk to who is not involved in my day to day life, who can give me an objective opinion about all the BS I tell myself. And when you get a really good one, it can make all the difference in the world! I was seeing one lady from December of last year till the end of April and though I liked her, I just didn't feel like I was making any progress. I've had two sessions with my new therapist and have made more progress with her than I did the whole time with the other lady. It's amazing! The insights I've had so far have blown my mind! They're just someone you can tell ALL the dirt to without worrying about hurting feelings or sharing "too much" like if you tried to talk it out with friends and family. If you'd ever like to talk about it, feel free to email me! Kelle

Kelle, I looked into the psychologists, like we discussed before. I found that my job offers 5-paid sessions (for any reason) under their EAP (Employee Assistance Program). One of the people they want to refer me to use is actually the same psychologist who did my psych eval workup for my WLS doc. However, I don't feel comfortable with him. Here he is about 170lbs at the maximium...totally toned...with cycling and marathon pictures of himself all around the office and I'm trying to talk to him about weight addiction. Come on!! Like he would really, really understand!! Fortunately, there is another psychologist available...maybe they would do better. I just hate starting all over again...you know..."how was your childhood" and "how strict were your parents" stuff. Thanks soooo much for listening. Well, just got back from working out, so I'm off to a

Hey Cindy... I have not yet been approved for surgery (still waiting on insurance) but I know exactly what you are talking about. My therapist says I have OCD as far as spending money at the grocery store, and I find myself constantly thinking, "I can't eat this after surgery so I better enjoy it while I can" or "I can't believe I am doing this... I know better..." or "I won't be able to eat this much after surgery and I better pay attention to my cravings." TRUST ME... I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS! The thing I TRY to remember is how much I am hurting myself and my family by eating the way I do, knowing I won't be able to do it after surgery. Especially late at night, after my husband has gone to bed, I get this HUGE craving for something SWEET, and that is so unlike me... I usually crave salty things (just as bad) and hardly EVER crave chocolate (except once a month). My brain is telling me "go ahead because you won't be able to much longer". I myself am afraid that these cravings will continue after surgery, and I'm going to be so tempted to give in. I've had the 2nd and 3rd thoughts too... like for instance, I've been trying to get approved for this surgery since March 2001......3 YEARS AGO!!! So now I'm beginning to wonder, after having been denied twice and changing insurance companies,etc., if God is trying to tell me it's not for me. But then, I look at myself in the mirror and I'm so disgusted by my reflection, I think "How can this NOT be right for me?!" Then following that, I have a dream at nite and I see myself thin and beautiful and I think it's GOT to be approved. And after all that, I start feeling all these things that are going wrong within my body, like my blood circulation has been wonderful up unitl about 3 weeks ago, and now half of my hands (2-3 fingers) fall asleep and I've never had that before. Or I've never had really bad heartburn, but almost everything I eat now is starting to bother me... Anyway, this isn't about me. It's about helping you... I'm sorry I didn't mean to get so much about me in there. But it my own warped mind, somehow I think it will help you to know you are not alone in the sabotage thing. If I can be of any other help to you, as you have been to me today, please feel free to email me. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Molly, I know what you are talking about regarding those cravings and trying to rationalize that "I won't be able to eat something after the surgery". I'm having a better day today and know that God has pointed me in this direction and has provided me with such a great support system...but I still need all the help and support I can get! We, both, will be on the loser's side soon!