How is everyone doing today???
So, it's been a while since I updated....
Well, I am back from Panama City. I planned to stay longer, but I got bored. I am restless lately, but don't have the energy to do anything. I am tired of sitting around, but I don't have the stamina to do anything about it. It's very annoying. Imagine itching really bad, but having your hands tied behind your back, so you can't scratch. I try to do a 20-30 min walk a few days each week, but I really have to push for those 30 minutes.
As of today I am almost half way to the century mark. I have lost 48 pounds from my highest weight of 330. That's like losing a 3rd grader, or 5 sacks of potatoes in 5 weeks! Those extra 2 pounds to the 50 mark just love me too much to leave me :-). My weight loss has slowed down thank goodness. I thought I was gonna shrink away to nothinig. So, I'm not really stressing about the slow down. I imagine it will pick back up if I ever get the energy to do some cardio...
I took my 2 year old nephew to the Zoo Saturday and was able to keep up with him all day. I also took him to the park Friday evening and was able to swing. It's amazing what a difference 50 (minus 2) pounds will make.
As far as my post op health, I still feel like crap about 23 hours out of each day. I seriously regret having the surgery about 23.9 hours of each day. I may have a few seconds of a day where something positive happens that makes me appreciate it, but those moments do not outweigh the misery I'm in the rest of the day. I can't believe I actually did this to myself on purpose. I even fought and prayed for it. Was I insane!?!
People rarely talk about their post-op regrets. It almost seems sacreligious in the wls community to admit you're miserable and hate it. At support meetings and such everyone seems to be just sprinkling petals of joy around the room of how happy they are with their new "tool". Now that I'm post op, I'm convinced everyone else with wls that is happy about it must be insane.
This post-op crap is just horrible! I wonder if that's why some people disapear from the boards post op, because they're ashamed or afraid to admit they aren't happy with it? Maybe it will get better in my future, but today, I am very unhappy.
I don't miss the food. I am on regular food now and can eat most anything in moderation. Yesterday, for example I had a piece of grilled chicken, 1/2 cup green beans, 1/4 cup dressing, and a couple of spoons of peach cobbler for dinner. I was able to finish my plate with no problem and could have done a few bites more, but didn't want to push my luck. SInce I have the DS, I'm not restricted to tiny portions. Yes, I do miss being able to have mega portions sometimes. The Chinese buffet near my office will likely go out of business now that I can't make my weekly donation to their register.
I am rarely hungry now, and often I have to force food down just so I can get some nutrients in. Forcefeeding food when you are not hungry is not fun. It is nauseating.
It's not the lack of food that bothers me, just the miserable, tired, icky, bloated, crampy gassy feeling I have constantly. I have yet to vomit, but do have loose bm's and gas cramps if I overdo the carbs. I also get a horrible bout of nausea when I take my vitamins, but nothing comes up. I still have yet to find a protein drink I like, and I gag even at the smell of those vitamins. I would gladly accept my 48 pounds back not to have to look at or smell another vitamin or protein shake!
Another thing that I was not prepared for was the lethargy. I am tired most of the time. A couple of weeks post op I felt fine, but about week 3 or 4 it was like someone pulled the plug out of me. This was around the time I became dehydrated. I was drained. I couldn't get any food or drink down because it made me nauseous. I felt like a limp noodle! I don't know how I got so down in my health that week, but I still haven't got back to normal. Now, all I want to do is sleep all day , but I can't because if I do I'll get a blood clot and DIE. And if I don't get up and force myself to eat and drink, I'll get dehydrated again... Oh joy. I can't even be a lazy bum in peace.
I haven't returned to work yet. I was supposed to go back today, but there is no way I could handle it right now. I may go back on half days next week.
If you were to ask me today:
YES I regret having this surgrey!
NO it is not worth it.
NO I wouldn't reccomend anyone do it.
YES I should have dieted and lost it naturally. Being honest with myself I never really tried as hard as I could have.
YES I would rather have my old stomach back.
NO it is not worth going through this to be thin or healthy (I don't feel very healthy now, so what's the f*cking difference)!
None of the books I read, Big Medicine episodes I watched, websites I visited, support meetings I attended, prayers I prayed... None of it prepared me for this.
OK OH family don't beat me up for this post. I am pouring my heart out and just being brutally honest about how I feel. I truly believe pre-ops need to know the ups and downs of it all, good and bad. We rarely see anyone being open about the bad side of wls.
If you are pre-op and reading this... DO EVERYTHING you can to loose weight naturally before you resolve to have surgery. It is not fun and it is not easy.
Well, I am back from Panama City. I planned to stay longer, but I got bored. I am restless lately, but don't have the energy to do anything. I am tired of sitting around, but I don't have the stamina to do anything about it. It's very annoying. Imagine itching really bad, but having your hands tied behind your back, so you can't scratch. I try to do a 20-30 min walk a few days each week, but I really have to push for those 30 minutes.
As of today I am almost half way to the century mark. I have lost 48 pounds from my highest weight of 330. That's like losing a 3rd grader, or 5 sacks of potatoes in 5 weeks! Those extra 2 pounds to the 50 mark just love me too much to leave me :-). My weight loss has slowed down thank goodness. I thought I was gonna shrink away to nothinig. So, I'm not really stressing about the slow down. I imagine it will pick back up if I ever get the energy to do some cardio...
I took my 2 year old nephew to the Zoo Saturday and was able to keep up with him all day. I also took him to the park Friday evening and was able to swing. It's amazing what a difference 50 (minus 2) pounds will make.
As far as my post op health, I still feel like crap about 23 hours out of each day. I seriously regret having the surgery about 23.9 hours of each day. I may have a few seconds of a day where something positive happens that makes me appreciate it, but those moments do not outweigh the misery I'm in the rest of the day. I can't believe I actually did this to myself on purpose. I even fought and prayed for it. Was I insane!?!
People rarely talk about their post-op regrets. It almost seems sacreligious in the wls community to admit you're miserable and hate it. At support meetings and such everyone seems to be just sprinkling petals of joy around the room of how happy they are with their new "tool". Now that I'm post op, I'm convinced everyone else with wls that is happy about it must be insane.
This post-op crap is just horrible! I wonder if that's why some people disapear from the boards post op, because they're ashamed or afraid to admit they aren't happy with it? Maybe it will get better in my future, but today, I am very unhappy.
I don't miss the food. I am on regular food now and can eat most anything in moderation. Yesterday, for example I had a piece of grilled chicken, 1/2 cup green beans, 1/4 cup dressing, and a couple of spoons of peach cobbler for dinner. I was able to finish my plate with no problem and could have done a few bites more, but didn't want to push my luck. SInce I have the DS, I'm not restricted to tiny portions. Yes, I do miss being able to have mega portions sometimes. The Chinese buffet near my office will likely go out of business now that I can't make my weekly donation to their register.
I am rarely hungry now, and often I have to force food down just so I can get some nutrients in. Forcefeeding food when you are not hungry is not fun. It is nauseating.
It's not the lack of food that bothers me, just the miserable, tired, icky, bloated, crampy gassy feeling I have constantly. I have yet to vomit, but do have loose bm's and gas cramps if I overdo the carbs. I also get a horrible bout of nausea when I take my vitamins, but nothing comes up. I still have yet to find a protein drink I like, and I gag even at the smell of those vitamins. I would gladly accept my 48 pounds back not to have to look at or smell another vitamin or protein shake!
Another thing that I was not prepared for was the lethargy. I am tired most of the time. A couple of weeks post op I felt fine, but about week 3 or 4 it was like someone pulled the plug out of me. This was around the time I became dehydrated. I was drained. I couldn't get any food or drink down because it made me nauseous. I felt like a limp noodle! I don't know how I got so down in my health that week, but I still haven't got back to normal. Now, all I want to do is sleep all day , but I can't because if I do I'll get a blood clot and DIE. And if I don't get up and force myself to eat and drink, I'll get dehydrated again... Oh joy. I can't even be a lazy bum in peace.
I haven't returned to work yet. I was supposed to go back today, but there is no way I could handle it right now. I may go back on half days next week.
If you were to ask me today:
YES I regret having this surgrey!
NO it is not worth it.
NO I wouldn't reccomend anyone do it.
YES I should have dieted and lost it naturally. Being honest with myself I never really tried as hard as I could have.
YES I would rather have my old stomach back.
NO it is not worth going through this to be thin or healthy (I don't feel very healthy now, so what's the f*cking difference)!
None of the books I read, Big Medicine episodes I watched, websites I visited, support meetings I attended, prayers I prayed... None of it prepared me for this.
OK OH family don't beat me up for this post. I am pouring my heart out and just being brutally honest about how I feel. I truly believe pre-ops need to know the ups and downs of it all, good and bad. We rarely see anyone being open about the bad side of wls.
If you are pre-op and reading this... DO EVERYTHING you can to loose weight naturally before you resolve to have surgery. It is not fun and it is not easy.
**** I AM AN OH SUPPORT GROUP LEADER ****
WHY I CHOSE DS: No dumping. Highest percentage of weight loss, Best long term results, Won't regain weight! Eat normal sized meals, 96% diabeties, 90% high blood pressure, 80% sleep apnea cured. I 
MY DS!
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there were three other people. ~Orson Wells
I will admit it I miss food.
Would kill for bread. Would sell soul for pizza.
Followed Dr. Houston's diet to the letter other than added some beef and some fried chicken nuggets.
Tiredness sucks. Will say my I-phone alarm to remind me to drink has been a lifesaver.
My real healing needs to happen between my ears but I think that will take time. Haven't hit the new energy phase. Ready for that to come. Maybe by Christmas. lol
Really shouldn't complain. It has been an uneventful recovery just not where I imagined.
Will just goo one day at a time...no other choice I reckon'.
I have had bread (1 slice aa day), and pizza minus most of the crust. The bread was fine with little side efects. The pizza gave me the oilies the next day from the pepperoni I'm sure. GROSS!
I admit I have not followed the diet 100%, maybe that's why I feel like crap??? Although I don't remember seeing fried chicken nuggets or beef on the plan either lol.
I think that Dr. Houston's diet plan is so strict and limited, it is impossible to follow to the letter. I have spoken with a few other recent DS patients and we all seem to lack energy. I guess our DS is malabsorbing all our energy too huh?
I'll admit I am at fault for not getting the 90g of protein and the vitamins in, but it is just so gross and so hard...
I admit I have not followed the diet 100%, maybe that's why I feel like crap??? Although I don't remember seeing fried chicken nuggets or beef on the plan either lol.
I think that Dr. Houston's diet plan is so strict and limited, it is impossible to follow to the letter. I have spoken with a few other recent DS patients and we all seem to lack energy. I guess our DS is malabsorbing all our energy too huh?
I'll admit I am at fault for not getting the 90g of protein and the vitamins in, but it is just so gross and so hard...
**** I AM AN OH SUPPORT GROUP LEADER ****
WHY I CHOSE DS: No dumping. Highest percentage of weight loss, Best long term results, Won't regain weight! Eat normal sized meals, 96% diabeties, 90% high blood pressure, 80% sleep apnea cured. I MY DS!
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there were three other people. ~Orson Wells
I totally agree on the difficulty. I still do some shakes.
The grilled stuff (chicken) was just to dry. Chick fil a has too be good for you...doesn't it? LOL
I think Dr. Houston's diet is too RNYish but just scared to try the other ideas I have been given.
I do ok except for calcium. Just forget it sometimes.
Now I don't crush the Vitamin D...or Galbladder meds. They dissolved in water quickly so it was ok to swallow.
Doing the B via shots and the iron and multi I just endure. Did get a chewable probiotic at GNC which I think has helped. Best wishes...to us all.
The grilled stuff (chicken) was just to dry. Chick fil a has too be good for you...doesn't it? LOL
I think Dr. Houston's diet is too RNYish but just scared to try the other ideas I have been given.
I do ok except for calcium. Just forget it sometimes.
Now I don't crush the Vitamin D...or Galbladder meds. They dissolved in water quickly so it was ok to swallow.
Doing the B via shots and the iron and multi I just endure. Did get a chewable probiotic at GNC which I think has helped. Best wishes...to us all.
LaShelle,
I don't think anyone will beat you up about this post. EVERYTHING you are feeling is something I have gone through, and I think most others have, also, if everyone is honest with themselves. I regretted the surgery every day until about a month ago, I would wager. After my energy started coming back and I started to feel half-way human again, it then set in that this was for LIFE, and I missed food! I missed stopping at McDonald's for something quick when I didn't feel like cooking. I missed having a coke whenever I wanted. I stopped smoking before surgery too, and I missed having a ciggy after a good meal! I missed feeling full because that sensation didn't come bac****il about 6 weeks ago. I was tired of everyone asking me how I'm doing and how much weight I've lost. I'm very private and those questions BOTHER me. Most of all, I wanted to feel NORMAL. I had surgery so I wouldn't be obese anymore and hoped to feel normal some day (along with improving health), and I didn't feel like that would ever happen. I hated being around people who watched everything I ate, and explaining to people that no, I don't eat baby food and never did, and won't have to for the rest of my life.
Please don't feel alone. I have started feeling so much better in the past month or so. It really does get better. I also started seeing a psychologist because I really couldn't deal with all of the mental changes and feeling like I'm being treated differently by everyone in my life. When people would ask me how I'm doing, I would burst into tears. I think starting with the psychologist honestly saved my sanity. Yes, I passed the preop psych eval with no problem, but this surgery and the changes required will really mess with your mind, and it something that you can't understand until you're dealing with it. It's so WEIRD to mourn food, and people who have never been through it do NOT understand.
*hugs* You have done so much on this board to help other people. Please know that there are so many people rooting for you and here to support you on your journey. No, it's not easy, but it's not impossible, and it does get better. And everyone here who's had surgery understands what you're going through - and we've all survived. You will too.
Stacy
I don't think anyone will beat you up about this post. EVERYTHING you are feeling is something I have gone through, and I think most others have, also, if everyone is honest with themselves. I regretted the surgery every day until about a month ago, I would wager. After my energy started coming back and I started to feel half-way human again, it then set in that this was for LIFE, and I missed food! I missed stopping at McDonald's for something quick when I didn't feel like cooking. I missed having a coke whenever I wanted. I stopped smoking before surgery too, and I missed having a ciggy after a good meal! I missed feeling full because that sensation didn't come bac****il about 6 weeks ago. I was tired of everyone asking me how I'm doing and how much weight I've lost. I'm very private and those questions BOTHER me. Most of all, I wanted to feel NORMAL. I had surgery so I wouldn't be obese anymore and hoped to feel normal some day (along with improving health), and I didn't feel like that would ever happen. I hated being around people who watched everything I ate, and explaining to people that no, I don't eat baby food and never did, and won't have to for the rest of my life.
Please don't feel alone. I have started feeling so much better in the past month or so. It really does get better. I also started seeing a psychologist because I really couldn't deal with all of the mental changes and feeling like I'm being treated differently by everyone in my life. When people would ask me how I'm doing, I would burst into tears. I think starting with the psychologist honestly saved my sanity. Yes, I passed the preop psych eval with no problem, but this surgery and the changes required will really mess with your mind, and it something that you can't understand until you're dealing with it. It's so WEIRD to mourn food, and people who have never been through it do NOT understand.
*hugs* You have done so much on this board to help other people. Please know that there are so many people rooting for you and here to support you on your journey. No, it's not easy, but it's not impossible, and it does get better. And everyone here who's had surgery understands what you're going through - and we've all survived. You will too.
Stacy
Across the United States, in 2006, twice as many people died from lack of health insurance as died from homicide.
"This is my one and only life, and it's a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive."
"Most of all, I wanted to feel NORMAL. I had surgery so I wouldn't be obese anymore and hoped to feel normal some day (along with improving health), and I didn't feel like that would ever happen. "
I feel that way every day. Like I did this to feel healthy, but when I was supposedly unhealthy pre-op I NEVER felt this bad, so was being 330 pounds really that bad afterall?
Whay psyche do you see? Is it a bariatric psyche. I was cleared with a pre op psyche too, but I think those tests are just a formality. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the right box to chec to get them to clear you...
Maybe I need to go sit on somebody's couch and pout a bit too.
I feel that way every day. Like I did this to feel healthy, but when I was supposedly unhealthy pre-op I NEVER felt this bad, so was being 330 pounds really that bad afterall?
Whay psyche do you see? Is it a bariatric psyche. I was cleared with a pre op psyche too, but I think those tests are just a formality. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the right box to chec to get them to clear you...
Maybe I need to go sit on somebody's couch and pout a bit too.
**** I AM AN OH SUPPORT GROUP LEADER ****
WHY I CHOSE DS: No dumping. Highest percentage of weight loss, Best long term results, Won't regain weight! Eat normal sized meals, 96% diabeties, 90% high blood pressure, 80% sleep apnea cured. I MY DS!
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there were three other people. ~Orson Wells
I see Dr. Steven Ritz. He is wonderful! He is the psych for the bariatric program at Dekalb Medical with Dr. Steinburg. The bariatric coordinator at my surgeon's office recommended him, even though I didn't go through Dekalb Medical, nor did he do my psych eval before surgery. He's on Lawrenceville Hwy right off of 285. His number is 770-270-5488. He works with a LOT of WLS patients. Please call him - or anyone - I truly think it will help!
If you have any other questions or need anything, PLEASE let me know. You are not alone!
If you have any other questions or need anything, PLEASE let me know. You are not alone!
Across the United States, in 2006, twice as many people died from lack of health insurance as died from homicide.
"This is my one and only life, and it's a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive."
LaShelle,
I am so sorry you are having such regrets. I know you fought so hard for the surgery that I'm sure the fatigue and lethargy are really taking a toll on you. Have you ever had problems with depression? I know from experience that depression can have a definate physical effect on a person, which can sometimes be more evident than a mental effect.
Please talk to your PCP or surgeon about your feelings. If there is an underlying cause such as depression, they can help. It is very common to have the tiredness, lethargy, and icky feelings after surgery. It was about my 7th or 8th week out before I started to feel the energy surge. Your body is going through so much change right now, it would be surprising if you didn't feel icky! LOL
Chin up and know that we are all here for you. It is good to express your feelings,,,,,,,,,,we all learn from it. God bless. You will be in my prayers.
I am so sorry you are having such regrets. I know you fought so hard for the surgery that I'm sure the fatigue and lethargy are really taking a toll on you. Have you ever had problems with depression? I know from experience that depression can have a definate physical effect on a person, which can sometimes be more evident than a mental effect.
Please talk to your PCP or surgeon about your feelings. If there is an underlying cause such as depression, they can help. It is very common to have the tiredness, lethargy, and icky feelings after surgery. It was about my 7th or 8th week out before I started to feel the energy surge. Your body is going through so much change right now, it would be surprising if you didn't feel icky! LOL
Chin up and know that we are all here for you. It is good to express your feelings,,,,,,,,,,we all learn from it. God bless. You will be in my prayers.
Patti
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