Never thought I would be back

 I totally never thought I would be here. I went through gastric bypass back in March of 2003. I was 363pounds. So much going on at the time but I found a happy place and worked my ass off to get dow to 192. Let me tell you I looked good. I have never felt that in my life. I couldn't belive I was able to wear regular people clothes. I never new I had it in me to be hot and sexy and I was all those things for a hot minute. I met a man we got preganet. I was at my lowest wieght and still working out like a good girl. Went through hell getting her in this world. Almost lost me and her. I did put on some weight with here. They said I wasn't eating enought to sustain life. 40 pounds later and I could store up the fat for the winter . Major post partom because she was a premi and I was having to get al kinds of surgery. Fast forward Isabella is 3 months old and we are pregenant agian. Beautiful girsl. Love them. I no longer exisit. There is no time for me and I am huge and really wanting to crawl under a rock. I am up to 243. What is that? I started at 363 and heading there. I have so much skin. legs eaten up with veins from kids. I have been seeing a shrink because I have mad issues. I can't believe=where I am. Why did this happen to me?I love my children but I hat that I am her. Back in fat girl **** knowing people think it 's funny. I was never ever told I was pretty until I gor down to where I was and I was cute as hell. I need to go get some more help. Found out I have a crushed disk and 2 dislocated disks, bad knee. NOt to much I can do. Taking things to help get my buy. I need to go get fixed before I can't walk. I just don't know if insurance will cover it agian? Help! Kim

My heart aches reading your post. Even on a good day motherhood can be overwhelming. ..add in all your physical trials and you deserve a big ol' gold medal!  I don't know if this will be helpful but during my darkest time I found hope in setting a tiny goal and achieving it and slowly...sometime very, very slowly working up. As in...pick up clothes off bedroom floor before I go to bed. Make the phone call before I take a nap. I needed success...visual, measurable success. So much of what we do as a wife and mother is undone faster that we do it...clean up the kitchen and it's a mess when we turn around, pick up toys, wash..etc. When I needed it I'd also make a "done" list instead of a to do one...give yourself credit for all you do.... One last thought...two kids and only 50 pounds...you really ought to be patting yourself on the back instead of beating yourself up. Of course it sucks, but it could be worse. Imagine if you were back at or above your original weight...you'd kill to be 243. At least for me...it's easier to see the negative and hate myself than it is to give me some credit. You have success in your past...you know you can do it...it will be different, may take longer and yes, there are more challenges...but there is more joy and support and purpose too! I wish I could give you a hug and watch the girls so you could have a good long nap, mani/pedi and massage. It may not help, but I promise time will fly. My oldest child graduate from high school in 18 days  and I swear it was just yesterday I was praying for her to sleep through the night!

I wanted to cry when I read your post.  I want you to know......IT IS NOT TO LATE!!!! You can get back to where you were and where you felt good at!!!!  I was in a car accident a couple of years ago.  I could not workout like I did and I gained 27 lbs.  Well, when I could start back exercising the way I did before which was last fall.  I lost the weight!!!!  You can too.  I realize you have two small children, but you need to start taking time for "YOU"!  In the long run it will be better for the entire family, because you will feel better.  Do you have a pool you could walk in....It will be less weight on your joints and when you walk in a pool for 30 minutes it is worth 1 hour on the street.  Also, if you exercise it will make you feel so much better mentally.  Go back to the basics.... make sure you are getting your water in, don't drink with your meals, eat  your protein first, then veggies, then fruit and if you have room left a carb.  Stay away from sweets and foods high in fat.  The only way this surgery works is if you create good healthy eating habits and exercise habits.  (I am not saying you are not doing these things, but just look at what your are doing) It is good to journal your food and exercise, it helps you see in black and white what you are doing.  Also, you need to go to a support group if you are not going already.  Post on here asking about one in your area.  It is so good for us to be around other people going through the same thing we are.   Kim, Take back control of your life......YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!! Call your insurance company see if they will do a revision.  It never hurts to try.   The first step was seeing someone like you are and the posting on this site......now Kim lets pick   yourself up, dust yourself off and get started again.......YOU CAN GET BACK TO WHERE YOU WERE....

Take care,

Ginger