Dating Fear!

I've had some subtle and not so subtle signs that I should start to put myself out there in the dating arena. So I joined a dating website and have had a man show interest in me. Tonight he asked for a picture of me and I sent one. YIKES. I feel so vulnerable. I believe I have so many great attributes that a photo doesn't show. What a photo DOES show is my saggy chin skin and squinty eyes...OI VAY. I am what I am and I know I don't want anyone who can't accept that, I just wish guys weren't so gosh darn visual! Thanks for letting me vent. Rhonda -149

Rhonda, Lady, you are preaching to the choir on this one! Sad but true, we have created a society that embraces looks over character. I hate dating! I coined myself the Queen of First Dates for a while. Although, I never pretended I was a Barbie in the few personal ads I placed online, I also seemed to attract some guys who I just didn't connect with OFFline or men who thought I might be a bit more desperate or easy because of my size. I duly noted in my ad that I was a cute, plump gal and hoped that I would meet men who could see past that. I also posted my photo on the ads to avoid the akwardness of having to send a pic AFTER I was interested. I figured if I met the man of my dreams thru an ad, he wouldn't care that I was overweight because he wouldn't be that shallow. As I have lost more weight, more men seem to appear interested and I have been able to be a lot more picky myself. I read a lot about dating after 35 and here are a few pointers that I agree with and tried: Take golf/tennis lessons or brunching at the golf club, meet friends at a Sportsbar on a Sunday afternoon or Monday night, start frequent visits to Starbucks, Home Depot (my favorite), Barnes & Noble or anyplace that draws a large population of males (boat or car shows, etc). And if you aren't already, start becoming a certified FLIRT. Men love flirty women! Also, men love a lady in a skirt over slacks any day, so always show off your legs ;)! You are a beautiful women and I am sure you will find a few gems out there to practice re-entering the dating world on, it takes some time and some creeps will need to be filtered out in the process. Getting back into the dating world isnt easy, but neither is any of the post-op stuff we are going thru, so just see it as another part of the journey. Good luck, Amy P.S. I met the guy I am seeing off Match.com and we have been seeing each other almost 2 months now. Fingers crossed...

Oh Amy, great tips for us who are over 35! Thanks for those great tips!! By the way, your picture looks awesome! Lori 293/251.5/130 BMI 55.4/47.5/24.7

WOW! Don't you have the 411 on dating after 35. What great tips you shared Miss Amy. By the way... you are looking absolutely stunning dahling! Sally

Get ready girl!!! I feel I"m in that boat as well. I actually now Love showing my pic however since they didn't/don't the me before it's easy for them to say gorgeous, wow what a beaty, hey sexy! The first time I heard it I turned around and said to myself "Who me????" It has taken quite a bit of time to really accept those words being told to me. But on the other side of that - is to be careful. I have received some warnings from friends that now that I'm looking better and sexier I have to watch myself from the creeps. I notice people invite you to their home to cook for you etc in the first few lines of conversation and I'm definately not having someone come to my house nor I go to theirs. Be cautious. Let them get to know the real YOU before even going on a date, I say then when you do date if they are accepting of the real you - the rest won't matter. We have to accept ourselves as beautiful vibrant people - my friend lost over 420 lbs and she is of such personality that you'd think she'd never been there but had always been a very slim woman. She really puts herself out there and let people embrace her (even if they are disappointing to her) - as we should - but I know if we do develop a relationship with someone then they should accept us as we are. Also, can still present ourselves in the best light and still not get anywhere. Which sometimes happens to me..but I'm now trying to be more flirty when I'm going out - looking at people in the face and making eye contact or going forward and introducing myself to people which is not easy for me and hopefully I will meet my prince. So hang in there.