depressed and sad!!!

It's perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling. You are feeling grief for the sister because she was your sister too for the most part. It is natural to want to turn to him in this time. However, sharing grief is not the same as sharing a marriage. Marriages are for two people, not three and you don't want to be with someone who will cheat on you. You say he has closed the chapter on you. So you close the chapter on him. Don't even think about him. Anytime he pops in your head, say, "Cancel that thought!" and think about something else...how you are going to feel after surgery, what you want in your life in the future, etc. You did invest a lot of your life in him. I invested a lot of my life in food and there are things I am going to miss about food, but it has been destructive, painful, and it makes me crazy. So I am going to have to learn how to live in a world with different food. No one will ever want you? That's crazy. Do you know how many men are in this world? There are gazillions of them and congratulations! You are now free to meet them! You have room in your life for a wonderful man who does not have addictions and will not cheat on you. You might even meet one before surgery who will help you through it. If you ever think of your ex and wish he was back, think about something bad he did to you and then IMMEDIATELY think of something good that has nothing to do with him. I'm 44 years old and I deeply regret all the time I "invested" in abusive men. It was not an "investment." It was a LOSS. If I invested money into something and lost it all, I would not consider it an investment. I would consider it as a total loss of money and my time. You invested time in him and the only good you got out of him is that now you know what you DON'T want in a man. So you learned something. Like in school, we learn and we move on to the next level. We don't graduate by repeating the first grade over and over and over. We go on to the second and the third and so on. It's normal to think about him for a while since this has happened. But it's not your responsibility to console him. He has a girlfriend for that. That was HIS choice, not yours. There are good times ahead for you. I am 44 years old and my psychologist keeps telling me that the second half of my life does not have to be as awful as the first half. Get out from under that and thank God that you are through with that worthless you know what and say "Next!" Hang in there, girl. I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt and am here to tell you, there is life after abuse! Hugs, Joni