EX HUSBAND PROBLEMS...

I know that this is off subject, but I value everyones opionion on this site... My ex husband is a drinker, everyday.. Well make a long story short, we live together as of now because he was helping me out money wise plus we have two boys.. Well anyway.. he said if things did not work out he would move.. Well he is not holding up to his end of the deal. He refuses to leave and i just can not afford to just get up and move, plus i should not have to move because of the two kids, and he promised he would leave thats why i came here to Tallahasse to stay. Well he pays the bills and buys food and other things, but he does no help out with family things like cleaning, shopping, the boys, and household stuff. He thinks because he works outside in the heat which i do understand that its hot out and its hard, but he just sits on his butt and watches me do everything. And there are days where he drinks all night and misses work the next day, and i just can not have that around the kids. Plus i can not put up with it thats why we divorces plus he had a drug habit. But am i being selfish for wanting him to help out? I mean anyone can pay bills and buy food. And if he left i would be fine i make enough for the basics like rent, food, gas, etc... I just do not know what to do.... he needs to be a father.. the kids have even said to me that they dislike his actions and that they would rather live alone... with me.. he is not abusing me or the kids just drinking sometimes he is emtionally abusive towards me but i ignore it and go on.. i can not talk to my mom because she is so codepentant its sick. and i have no friends really because of my weight i just sit at home or take care of my boys... anyone if you could comment please do... Thanks..

You may not like it but if he won't leave, the easiest may be that you leave. I mean, it is better to leave than live in that. You say you can take care of yourself and the boys. I am sure it won't be easy but if there is no chance of fixing things (and it sounds like he doesn't even want to try) I say pack and leave. He has no motivation to do so. Go on with your life and leave him sitting there. I did just that 23 years ago and have never regretted it. I now have been married to a wonderful loving sober, man for 21 years and I am glad I left and went on. (By the way, my ex is still just sitting around) Good luck

I had an ex husband that drink everyday. Finally after 12 years I woke up and dumped his sorry ass! I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and I hope someday you wake up also. You can make him leave by going downtown and getting an evication notice and having the police deliver it to him. Usually it cost about 130 bucks or so. and usually they have up to 30 days to vacate. Then go get a lawyer or go to family services and slap him with child support. If he does not want to be a father atleast he can pay legally for being a father. Then look to the future and do not look back. The best quote I can give you is this: "The journey of a lifetime begins with the first step" Good luck! Deb S. 334/272/175

Hey Emily, First off I would like to say that I am sorry that you are going thru this situation. I was married to a drunk and an abuser for 13 years. I finally got the courage up to divorce him and move on with my life. I have been raising my three teenage girls on my own for 4 years now and I really have to say that things are so much better without him and his drama. You will be fine if you decide to leave. As for you not having any friends, I would be honored to be your friend. I can really sympathize with you, but I also am here for you when ever you need me. Think of yourself and those wonderful kids. Take care of yourself and call me if you need me. Cathy 287/209/135

Cathy, you sound like you'd be a wonderful friend. I hope she takes your offer. And good for you. Cindy

kick him out... sounds to me like you and your KIDS would be HAPPIER without him there... my mom is a major drinkier... so i feel for ya... e-mail me if you wanna talk alexa

When you are in the middle of something as drastic as you are it is difficult to see clearly. Your husband is a role model for your boys. Do you want two more families to live like you are? By staying, you are saying it is acceptable. Your words mean little, they see your actions. It'll be hard, but you are strong and can make a better life for you and your boys. Booze can ruin many good people. Get yourself to al=annon. or whatever the support group is for people with acholalics in their lives. Good luck and God Bless you. Cindy

Whose name is on the lease? If it is yours and yours alone, you can go through the legal steps to have him evicted. In Orlando it takes 30 days. If you are both on the lease, it would be easier for you to move out. Playing Devil's Avocate, he probably feels that since he is working to pay the bills and for food, you part of the deal is to do the housework. Even so, the emotional abuse, however occasional, is a dealbreaker. Your children and you deserve better. Just make sure that you have someone with you when you tell him to get out or when you are leaving. It may be a volatile situation and you don't want the situation to escalate. Best wishes to you, hon. Kristen