Need your support please!

Hi Everyone, I will have WLS at South Miami Hospital on January 20. My husband is freaking out; I guess he thought I was not really serious about the surgery until now. He has begged and pleaded for me not to have the operation, or at least postpone it. He told me to think of our daughter, etc, etc. He is very worried; he thinks I should try serious dieting and exercising, and that surgery is a crazy risky idea. He has always been worried about health issues, and is fearful of doctors and diseases. He's driving me crazy and getting me panicky when I need to be relaxed and focused for my surgery. He has not been at any of my appointments and I will bring him with me to my pre-op tests and to meet the surgeon on Friday. What are your thoughts about what's going on? On the other hand, I will have two beds in the hospital room and I can bring a companion. I don't care about having company, in fact I rather be alone; yet I want an advocate to look out for my interests and ensure good care while I'm unable to be my usual assertive and outspoken way. I had considered bringing my husband, but I don't think he will be strong enough or clear-minded to deal with the situation and will be of no help to me. I thought of bringing my mother, but I don't think she will be assertive with the nurses and doctors. Should I just hire someone? What do you think? Can you suggest a way to locate a nurse who is familiar with WLS and can be hired for two days? Thank you for your help!!!!!

I had a grilfriend who is a nurse stay with me and it was the best decision we could have made. I let her worry and handle everything. I just layed there and did what I was told. MY BP went sky high and was later glad to know she was the one who finally realized what was going on. I am sure you could call a special agency for someone to stay with you at least during the day. The hospital is usually short staffed and they appreciate the help. I wanted to make sure I got what I needed as it was my first hospital stay. You hubby needs to some how get educated about the surgery. He has missed a lot of opportunities to walk this journey by your side. Prior to my surgery and following others that were having the surgery at the same time, a lot of spouses got scared and reacted in similiar situations. The surgery is scarey and it is best for everyone to know the good and the bad so they can be prepared. Any major surgery has the same issues and the same possibilities.

Hi Vitoria, Your husband needs to understand that, you are thinking of your kids. People like myself who have had this surgery, do it because they have already tried all other alternatives and do not have the will power to lose on a convention diet. This is not an insult in anyway, we have an addiction to food, and Betty Ford can't help us. I knew that if I did not have this surgery soon, my kids would be without a father, sooner than later. I had my surgery almost 4 months ago, I feel better, I look better and I no longer need to take any of my meds for high blood pressure or high cholesterol. As far as having someone with you, there is no one that is going to be there for you than family. Your husband needs to get over his fears, and realize that you are serious about this, and he needs to be supportive. I am not going to kid you, this is a very difficult thing you are doing. The first few days you curse your choice in proceeding. I promise you, it is worth it in the long run. The surgery today is nowhere near the same as it was, just a couple of years ago. There is much les risk for infection and complications. I'm not saying that there are no possibilities of complicatios, just fewer. I myself had a minor complication, my opening shrunk between my stomach and intestines. They fixed it very easily, and without surgery. Very important that you follow everything your doctor tells you, as well as your nutritionist. I had the complication, because I became to eager, and tried to eat something I should not have, way to soon. I'm sure you'll be fine, and soon enough your hubby will understand. Good luck and God Bless. PS: this is actually my very first time on the site, and I hope what I've wrote is helpful in some way. I am sorry if I mispelled any words, I am at lunch and had write fast.

Hello, I understand what you are going through and believe me I went through the same thing, but the reality is, Do you think you will be able to live as long w/out the surgery? Your husband like mine is probably reacting to the fear of the unknown. My husband when it came to the day of surgery he was as terrified as I was, it is human nature. I read your profile and I had my surgery w/ Dr.Rabaza, while I was in the hospital I was seen by Dr.Gonzalez and Dr.Verdeja and they are all great and ****y because I truly believe they know what they are doing. I think once you take your husband to meet Dr.Gonzalez and he asks him everything he wants some of his uncertainties will be answered. My husband didn't even go w/ me to meet the surgeon because he didn't want to face the reality that I was going to have the surgery. Once I was out of surgery, I had to be intubated and no one looked after me better than my husband. I think if you talk to him and put your faith in him he will pull through for you better than anyone can. Good Luck and if you need to talk before hand e-mail me at: [email protected] so I can give you my phone number and if you want details of what I went through check out my profile, I tried to detail my days in the hospital as much as possible. Again Good Luck and God Bless.

Thank you so much for your responses to my post!! Your support and feedback mean a lot to me, and I found your thoughts to be valuable and insightful. Thank you for sharing your experiences!!!!!

I am pre-op. But I have a dear friend who had the surgery about 11/2 years ago and he has promised me that when I have the surgery he will be there with my husband. I take great comfort in that fact. I love my husband and he is an intelligent, and dear man. But I do not think he could ever be forceful enough nor does he have a frame of reference for anything medical. It takes having some experience at times to buck the medical community. You must be very forceful and down right aggressive at times. I know this from my own health issues. My friend has the knowledge and the personality and has promised he will not leave my bedside. I believe we need our families with us -- there is no doubt about that -- but sometimes we also need someone with a frame of reference -- and an in your face attitude to get things done in a hospital. I figure between my husband and my friend -- they can do the good cop --bad cop thing and make sure I get the care I require.

Hi Vitoria, I am 2.5 months post-op. I started researching WLS in 2000. My husband was vehemently opposed to WLS. It took a few years and my persistence before he was willing to start researching with me. Finally, a year ago, he realized that, without WLS, I would die much sooner than later. I would imagine that, if you were approved for surgery by medical specialists as well as a insurance company, you must need the surgery. Maybe try offering that reasoning to your husband? As far as asking you to think of your children, I would imagine that you *are* thinking of them. Yes, there are risks to WLS but it is determining which risks are worth taking. Hang in there!! Kristen

I think your husband needs to realize that you are doing this for you. You want to be there for your children, You want to be able to run and play with them. As far a hiring a nurse, it is very expensive. A private aide is about 12-15 dollars per hour, an LPN is about 30-35 and hour and a RN about 45 through an agency. The first day you will be mostly out of it with the exception to get up and walk. The second day you should be up and walking around. Best wishes on your surgury.

Vitoria, I live close to So. Miami Hosp. If you want, I can drop in after work just to see how you are doing and if you need anything. I'm an LPN but unfortunately I wouldn't be able to stay since I am working full time days. I had WLS 12/15/03. Email me if you would like. I think we've been in contact before. LuvitsunnyVbelo/goal

Vitoria, I agree with everything the others have stated. I seriosuly think your husband needs to be informed so he should definitely come to your appointment with the surgeon and ask anything he is concerned about. There are risks involved, but so is driving on I-95 or flying on a plane. I am so lucky because I am completely surrounded by support now. Prior to surgery, my mother and sister both attended two different info sessions with me to get a better understanding of what the WLS and "afterlife" would entail. My mother took the information back home and my father looked it over, she called me that same night and told me how they both felt this was a great option for me, but it was my decision. My sister felt the exact same way after going to an info session. I am so lucky! They are my biggest cheerleaders. Good luck with your situation,.The benefits you will have after WLS are amazing! Amy -137lb.