to tell or NOT to tell...

Should WLS be a private thing? Do you tell any and everyone? I was curious how you all handle this. For me personally, I am still not sure how I will handle this. Immediate family (mom dad, brother and sis's) of course I will tell. I'm just not sure about other people. So far in my experience I am learning that people are terribly ignorant about WLS. The "eas way out" mentality lurks about everywhere. Anyway, my next question would be who will or have you told and how do you tell them? Do you tell strangers in conversation? I mean I'm the type of person that loves to help others and if I thought this might help someone I might be tempted to share it with them. Just curious how you all are handling this aspect of the WLS. TYIA for your responses...I'm sure they will help me in my decision of to tell or not to tell. Kendra

I have told my youngest son and my best friend BUT am hesitating about telling my older son and his wife. I am sure she will drive me bananas with advice. Oh and I told my bartender at Katie Belle's. She is a nursing student and I thought she might be interested .

I told NO ONE except for the people on this board and my assistant at work because I thought she needed to know. I didn't tell my family until after it was all over with, and only did then because I had no power at my house (due to hurricanes) after my surgery, and I evacuated to my mother's house with my cats. To this day, the people I work with don't know. I took a short vacation back in September and no one was any the wiser. Even my boss knows I had a surgical procedure, but doesn't know what it was. Your medical status is YOUR medical status. Tell people or not, but it's YOUR call and your own personal business. Once you tell them, however, you may regret it because some people belong to the secret organization of the Food Police and you may have to hear about every morsel you put in your mouth for the rest of your life! Good luck!! Jan

For me I didn't tell anyone but my immediate family and my boyfriend. For me it was a good decision I didn't want people to think bad things about me. I still won't tell antone till the night beforethe surgery. Alot of people think it is an easy way out when actually it is not. Plus I didn't want people always asking questions about it. The remptation was always there to tell other friends and family but I just always thought of the end result, if I didn't get approved I didn't want to have to explain to everyone the reason why. Good luck in your desicion.

Hi Kendra, I have told all my family! Immediate family and extended family know. My best friend and her family also know and are very supportive! I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. Some people will not approve and thats their choice, but this is your choice and last option to have a happy and healthy life! I am very proud of the fact that WLS was an option for me and that I have come thru this so far with flying colors! People are going to talk about you (generic you) anyway! Either your to fat, to thin, too this or too that. It's totally up to you who you decide to tell and not to tell. I do wish you the best in your decision and hope the people that surround you support and understand it! By the way, I don't think I would walk up to anyone in public and tell them, but ya know sometimes I wonder if other people out there know this is an option. MICHELLE

Kendra, I think it really depends on the situation and how private you are as an individual already. I was upfront with my peers at work, my boss and my employees because they already knew how miserable I was at 400+lbs. I was gone from work 3 weeks and when I came back a lot more people knew about my WLS, but I have been really lucky so far. I have had a ton of support at work and even more support from my family and friends. I am finding that I dont want to talk about it as much as I did earlier (it's getting old) and I refuse to preach to anyone about it unless they ask me about it. If people want to know about WLS, they know I will gladly share with them my experience but I won't bring it up just as a conversation topic. I do see obese people stuffing their faces all the time and want to tell them there is a way out, but then again I am sure they already know they are obese and dont need me to point it out to them, yet again. As far the perception of this being the easy way out, PLEASSSSSEEEEE!Give me a freaking break, those people (Bill Maher and Kirstie Alley to name a few) havent got a clue! WLS takes commitment, discipline and a tough emotional exterior because if this is easy then why do I still hate waking up at 5:30am every morning to go walk 3 miles, weigh my food, use Fitday.com and swallow down protein shakes when I really want to roll over and go back to bed, eat a pizza and gulp down a White Chocolate Raspberry Latte from Dunkin Donuts????? THAT would be the easy way out. Anyway, back to your question... IMHO, tell the ones who already stick with you through the good and the bad, don't tell the ones who are already critical of you. I think most who are on the fence in your decision, will quickly realize your dedication and commitment when they see the weight falling off and your new-found spirit emerging. If all else fails, you have TONS of support on here. Amy

I tell pretty much everyone. I have never heard a negative comment from anyone I have told. I have only have positive comments and encouragement. I have never been told I took the easy way out ever. My family and friends are happy for me and excited to see me change, and become happier. My mom commented on how straight and pretty my teeth are the other day, she said she forgot since I haven't been smiling in a few years. If I could I would shout it from the mountain tops...I don't care who knows. Tracey -90

Kendra, I'm telling just about everyone I know. My reason..... It is such a big step for me and I want all the support I can get! Although, I'm an open, outgoing person I am very good at keeping secrets when I need to. But I know if something terrible were to happen, I don't want my family, friends and co-workers to be blind-sided by it. So if I'm talking to someone who knows and another person enters the room, I don't have to "monitor" myself. If they ask questions, I answer them honestly and most have positive comments. My family has been extremely supportive... concerned of course, but very supportive. I've got several friends that are not in favor of me having wls and don't hesitate to tell me all the bad things that can happen. BUT I also know they will be there for me if I need them and will only say "I told you so" about little things, like me whining when I can't eat my beloved Belgin chocolates, but they'll never say it about the big things - they'll just try to help me get through whatever problems arise. But your decision of who to tell is a personal one. Decide what fits your personality best and don't apologize for your decision. Best of Luck!! Vickie J.

I have always been an open book. Therefore everyone knew. And like other post, I got mostly enouraging comments..I read one time for negative comments to answered back: "this is my decision and I hope you will support me in this." I have had to use that comment only one time. It is amazing how much encouragement I have gotten. From the boards, from friends and family. And from people at work that I do not even know. Therefore to answer your question: It is entirely up to you and your personal feelings about the matter.

HELLO. I ONLY TELL PEOPLE THAT I FEEL GOD LEADS ME TO TELL. I HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT IT WITH MY BROTHER, MOTHER, DAUGHTER, AND FRIENDS AND I HAVE THEIR SUPPORT. AS FAR AS MY JOB, I HAVE TOLD A SELECT FEW ABOUT THE WLS BUT FOR EVERYONE ELSE THEY JUST KNOW THAT I AM HAVING SURGERY. I AM LEAVING ROOM FOR REACITON. I KNOW THAT THERE ARE GOING TO BE TIMES WHEN I NEED TO SEE THE SHOCK ON A PERSONS FACE WHO HASN'T SEEN ME IN A LONG TIME. I AM COUNTING ON THAT TO ENCOURAGE ME AND TO CONTIUE TO BE FAITHFUL TO MY HEALTH. THIS SITE IS A BLESSING AND A WONDERFUL TOOL. BUT WE ARE ON LINE TOUCHING EACHOTHER WITH WORDS WE READ. I ALSO WANT TO SEE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND THATS WHERE THOSE WHO DO NOT KNOW COME IN TO PLAY. NO, THIS IS NOT A GAME. BUT IT IS BEING SET UP AS A TOOL THAT I CAN UTILIZE IN THE NEAR FUTURE. SO IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DO NOT WANNA TELL PEOPLE, DON'T. IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANNA TELL PEOPLE DO. SOMETIMES I SEE PEOPLE IN THE STORES AND I THINK TO MY SELF, MAN, THEY NEED WLS. CAUSE JUST LOOKING AT THEIR POSTURE AND HOW THEY ARE LEANING OVER IN THEIR SHOES AND BREATHING, I KNOW THAT THEY ARE HAVING SOME HEALTH ISSUES. THEY JUST DO NOT KNOW A WAY OUT. OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO HELP OTHERS. AND EACH OF US WILL BE A BLESSING TO SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE WE HAVE WENT THRU WLS. HAVE A BLESSED DAY. RUTH B.