Hanging in there

I am sorry that I haven't been around much but life is sooo up and down these days. We found out a week ago that my dad's chemo didn't work. He just wants to die, but my mom wants a second opinion. I guess I don't blame her but I see no point in it...he has 4th stage melenoma. We both have different ways of thinking about it..I think of quality life issues while he is taking pills that only have a 5-15% chance of working and he is feeling horrible and sleeping all the time. I think he should enjoy himself while he can. Maybe I am a cold-hearted b...but that is me. Our house is done being grouted, but we were told it was stablized 3 weeks ago, but we have more and more cracks. Now the wood floors are spliting I thank god that we have insurance that is covering this. The engineering company isn't going to make a decision on lifting the house with pinning for another 5 weeks. But our house is still tilted and most of the doors don't close, latch or lock. I just wanna scream cuz they want to wait on stuff that is so obvious that needs to be done. Ok now the stuff that makes me feel good. A lot of you know me in real life and know what I looked like then and now. Well last night I updated my pictures again and I finally feel good enough to share here. http://www.picturetrail.com/tjriehle I finally really like to have my picture taken. On a funny note...when we were up north, I kept seeing pictures from last year and saying ewwww. I made sure everyone has new pictures of me up there. I hope everyone is doing better then I am I wouldn't wish my first two problems even on my worst enemies. Tracey

Tracey, I'm so sorry about your house troubles, but even more sorry about your dad. I lost my dad to cancer 3 years ago and when we finally knew that there wasn't anything more to be done, we were able to see him and enjoy him for his final 3 months. What you do to fight cancer is a personal decision and I won't bother to give you my opinion, because it's only MY opinion. I hope that your family works it all out. In the meantime, enjoy your dad's company and I know you'll do your best to make all his days the best they can be, for however long God gives him life. You look mahvelous, my dahling!! It is better to look good than feel good!! I bet your friends and family up north couldn't get over the change in you!!! Congrats! Jan

Tracey, I can't even imagine going through all that you and your family are experiencing right now. I am sure it is a constant battle of emotions dealing with the sinkhole house, your Dad and then having WLS on top of that (oh, and let's not forget the hurricanes). Having spent time with you, I know you do a great job plugging away at life and putting on a good face. I commend you for making sacrifices and doing all you are doing for your family. You are amazing! In spite of all the drama in your world, I hope that you all can find a way to enjoy the holidays, focus on family and create many good memories. Please know I am only a phone call and/or short trip to Panera away if you ever need to vent, get away from your environment for a short time or just chat. Take good care, Girlie! Amy

Hi Tracey, Ten years ago when my grandfather was dying of pancreatic cancer as hard as it was I agreed to help him die with no pain and at home. At the time, I wasn't sure that I had made the right decision....It was so hard...I was giving him morphine by eyedropper at the end...He reminded me of a baby bird...Now I think back on that time and I realize it was a gift to be there and to respect his wishes. Do not feel guilty.. It is a sad hard time for everyone. I would recommend the whole family work with hospice and see that his wishes are carried out...It may also get your mom to the point where she can tell him it is okay to go...This is going to be of utmost importance to him. God bless you and your family.

Hey Tracey! Sorry to hear your dad's not responding to the treatments. I don't think you're being cold hearted at all. I think you're trying to make the best out of a pretty crappy situation. I agree with Jan, make the most out of whatever time you've got left with him. And on a much more positive note I'm amazed at the before and after. You look fabulous and I'm so proud of you. Look how much you have overcome and here you are now. You truly are an inspiration. All my best! Danielle

Tracey, Sorry to hear about your dad. I totally get where you are coming from in regards to just letting your dad live what time he has left in peace. It's difficult for your mom I'm sure especially if they have been together for a long time. Does your dad have a living will with his final health care decisions? Just spend as much time as you can with him Tracey and make him as comfortable as possible. Sincerely, Dawn Post-Op 9/23/04