i need to vent a little bit

i hope yall dont mind. maybe because its less than 2 weeks and its getting close the surgery and its results are on my mind alot. and today im in tears worrying not about the surgery going wrong but of the outcome. yes the surgery is for my health first but its also for my self esteem and today my self esteem is the issue. my husband has a issue with my stomach, nothing else about my weight, just my stomach and my things a little but mostly my stomach. and today im freaking out worrying about all the extra skin and how gross its gonna look and im not gonna be able to have it removed because my insurance probably isnt gonna cover it because its cosmetic. and its bothering me to the point im almost having second thoughts about it because i dont want to look worse than i do now and its not just for my husband but for me too. ive felt so bad about myself for so long. this is probably the stupidest thing i could be sitting here upset about.

Hi Theresa -- vent away, it is good for the soul ! There is nothing stupid about your concerns.. my surgery date is 10/18 and I have some similar concerns, but I am more concerned with the tube up my nose -- This is such a difficult decision and I talked to a frined of mine who had the surgery a little over a year ago. She was 330+, 1 child and approx 5' 7". She has followed her physicians instructions and excersies everyday-- mainly walking. She walks at lunch time and in the evening. She doesnt have a lot of sagging. She had a little bit in her upper arms (which i believe is gone-I havent seen her in a while, but when we talk she is doing awesome - she sounds like she did 15 years ago ) -- but the sagging in her arms was better than when she was heavy. If I can make a suggestion... Take some time for yourself; this week before the surgery. Write down your concerns and write the questions you are having regarding the surgery and how you are feeling about the surgery. Take several deep breaths (do this for a good 20 minutes) and try to clear your mind by concentrating on your breathing. Then try to go over and resolve the questions. Remember this is your decision, I think it makes it easier if you have a supportive family, but in the end you have to be able to live with it; no regrets. I took me several weeks to begin the final processes to get approval for the surgery cause I just wasnt sure. Now I know what I need to do for me, you need to decide what is best for you. hopefully your husband will be supportive of the decision and the prepared for the outcome - and if not, he may be the one with the problem. The emotional you is just as important as the physical you - Without one the other is bound to fail. Take care and feel free to release any frustrations anytime -- Rebecca

I guess I really shouldve told yall a little more. at the time i was having a momentand just blurted everything down. I am 5`4 260lbs 4 kids,31 in dec. and dont get me wrong my husband for the most part is wonderful. but Ive gained 80 pounds in 9 yrs since ive been with him. thats alot and even though he loves me hes not happy with the way my tummy looks after all that weight and 2 kids later(i had 2 when we married) no this isnt for him. its for me completely 100%. 50% is my health and 50% is my self esteem and self worth. but when the person thats supposed to love you unconditionaly has a issue with some part of you no its not good for your self esteem. and he tries his best to cover that it bothers him but i know. he does support my descision and he supports any plastic surgery i decide to have afterwards...i was just having a freak out moment. so many things are going to change and for the first time i broke down. thought this would be the place. i want this to result in me feeling better physically and emotionally. and looking like a shar-pei worries me and wont be good for me emotionally. not because of my husband but because i will feel horrible looking at it in the mirror. i know i can have plastic surgery one way or another to fix it but waiting til thats possible. i know not everyone has suffered through the self esteem issues like i have and doesnt understand my worries. and thats ok. i just needed to vent to people i thought maybe would understand a little.

hi Theresa, I truly understand the self esteem issues, and although my husband will swear I am the most beautiful woman, I know my weight has effected out marriage. and it may be me veiw that is effecting it. but I went from 160 to 282 and I know for me it seemed like I woke up one morning and realized my rearend has grown, why it take so long to realize , I dont know. and people sometime dont understand, when your self esteem goes down hill, you dont realize what happened until you hit the bottom. and by that point everything has been effected and it is all discombobultated. please remember to work on your self esteem. a support group, in addition to us here... we will always listen, we are feeling the pain with you - you are not alone in your battle. but a face to face group I truly believe will help tremedously.. work on healing your self esteem while you work on your body, Steve made some awesome points... so take care Theresa and i wish you all best.... and always feel free to release here.

Teresa, you say you are doing this 50% for your health and 50% for body image. You also say you don't like the way your body looks now, and are afraid of what it is going to look like after surgery. The way I see it, if you have the surgery and still don't like the looks of your body you have at least fixed 50% of your problems, then you can work on the other 50%. If you don't have the surgery, you still have 100% of your problem. It is a sad fact but almost everyone who has this surgery needs some sort of plastic surgery afterwards. As we grow, our skin can only stretch so far, before it has to grow new skin cells. As we lose the weight, our skin shrinks, the factors that determine how much it shrinks is, age, skin condition, and sex, (men's skin shrinks better). Even if your skin shrank 100 percent, you are still going to have the extra skin your body grew hanging loose. Some people do not hangng skin so bad they have to have plastic surgery, you may be one of them, have the surgery, lose the weight and worry about the hanging skin later. It's easier to take a journey this long 1 step at a time. Good luck, steve