Do We Cheat Ourselves In The End Or Do We Change It Before Surgery?
I wrote this in a blog but I decided to share it on the forum. This is meant to help and not criticize. This is not grouping everyone in one category and labeling them. I just thought I'd share somethings I learned.
Well I had my psych evaluation Saturday. It was an eye opener and kind of a bummer at the same time. The doc was full of information of how this surgery would effect my mental state. I promised my friend and myself that I would be nothing but honest with this doctor and answer all the questions on the test with nothing but pure truthfulness. I did and it has held up the progression of my surgery.
Don't get me wrong. I was irritated at first (although I hid it well, as usual) and wanted to blast my friend for wanting me to be honest about myself. I had to find someone to blame, didn't I? Yeah well, anyone but myself...ha ha! She said, "would you really put yourself through this life changing procedure to end up like your niece (if you've read my blog..she is the one that I said had lost her mind) or worse. Would you risk putting yourself right back here all over again to go through the surgery again because you haven't dealt with the issues you have about yourself and your life?"
I stared at her blankly for what seemed like forever before I spoke. "No, I want to get rid of the biggest part of what has me here in your office today. In order to get rid of my shield (my weight) I have to deal with all these problems and for the first time in my 42 years, I am so ready to. I want to release it all and begin to heal internally so that way I can heal outwardly as well."
Wow, lots and lots of long ago memories buried beneath the mounds of flesh. Every time I shovel in the food I have been burying myself (shielding) away from problems in the past that has really been carried over into my adulthood. Time to open some old wounds and hopefully heal them so I can continue my journey to better health and a better me. Better health does not begin and/or end on just the physical aspect of the definition. No matter what you do to fix the outside you, it is the inside you that will burn you in the end if you do not fix "it".
So I topped out on some of the graphs she showed me after that huge 600 question test. That's not good. I have such low self esteem problems, coupled with others that I can't recall. So, I am now setting up appointments with psychologist to start counseling. I have gotten some books that I am going to list at the close of this blog. If people are not honest with that questionnaire that we take for that evaluation then we are setting ourselves up for failure in the future. Believe me, I am the Queen Of Avoidance & Compliance. It was not easy for me to be honest like I was that day. I guess somewhere I knew it would hold me up but in no way does that mean that I can't get the surgery. She told me that a large percentage of people having that surgery that has not dealt with their internal issues will either wind up transferring their addiction and/or wind up needing a revision because they reverted back to their shielding (over eating) again. I realized I would have been one of the ones shielding myself in the end, again. I don't want that anymore.
So for those that would like to look into some self help books (but by no means does it take the place of professionals) I have a couple that is dynamite. The first one is: Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend. It explains boundaries we all need in our life based on religious views backed by bible verses. Even if you are not a religious person this book is still worth the read because regardless we all need boundaries for ourselves and the people we interact with. The second is Life's Healing Choices..Freedom From Your Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits by John Baker (there is also a work book with this that I have on order from Boarder's). I've not started reading this one yet but I will give you a small excerpt from the back... {We've all been hurt by other people, we've hurt ourselves, and we've hurt others. And as a result, every single one of us ends up with some sort of hurt, hang-up, or habit. But the question we all face is, WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?}
I want each of you to promise yourself to be honest with yourself. You know if there are things in your present/past that somewhere haunts you. It doesn't matter if you've had the surgery or not, if there are things within yourself that hasn't been faced and then released, you are only cheating yourselves. It is only you that can start your healing process in order to set good boundaries in your life and bring forth the person we really are. Because no matter what, who we really are is someone that you truly want to know and it is someone that is deserving of love, respect and happiness. OK...enough of Dr.Diane....LOL! I hope each of you have a great day! (Hm....I wonder if I should post this on a forum...I'll have to think about that...lol)
Well I had my psych evaluation Saturday. It was an eye opener and kind of a bummer at the same time. The doc was full of information of how this surgery would effect my mental state. I promised my friend and myself that I would be nothing but honest with this doctor and answer all the questions on the test with nothing but pure truthfulness. I did and it has held up the progression of my surgery.
Don't get me wrong. I was irritated at first (although I hid it well, as usual) and wanted to blast my friend for wanting me to be honest about myself. I had to find someone to blame, didn't I? Yeah well, anyone but myself...ha ha! She said, "would you really put yourself through this life changing procedure to end up like your niece (if you've read my blog..she is the one that I said had lost her mind) or worse. Would you risk putting yourself right back here all over again to go through the surgery again because you haven't dealt with the issues you have about yourself and your life?"
I stared at her blankly for what seemed like forever before I spoke. "No, I want to get rid of the biggest part of what has me here in your office today. In order to get rid of my shield (my weight) I have to deal with all these problems and for the first time in my 42 years, I am so ready to. I want to release it all and begin to heal internally so that way I can heal outwardly as well."
Wow, lots and lots of long ago memories buried beneath the mounds of flesh. Every time I shovel in the food I have been burying myself (shielding) away from problems in the past that has really been carried over into my adulthood. Time to open some old wounds and hopefully heal them so I can continue my journey to better health and a better me. Better health does not begin and/or end on just the physical aspect of the definition. No matter what you do to fix the outside you, it is the inside you that will burn you in the end if you do not fix "it".
So I topped out on some of the graphs she showed me after that huge 600 question test. That's not good. I have such low self esteem problems, coupled with others that I can't recall. So, I am now setting up appointments with psychologist to start counseling. I have gotten some books that I am going to list at the close of this blog. If people are not honest with that questionnaire that we take for that evaluation then we are setting ourselves up for failure in the future. Believe me, I am the Queen Of Avoidance & Compliance. It was not easy for me to be honest like I was that day. I guess somewhere I knew it would hold me up but in no way does that mean that I can't get the surgery. She told me that a large percentage of people having that surgery that has not dealt with their internal issues will either wind up transferring their addiction and/or wind up needing a revision because they reverted back to their shielding (over eating) again. I realized I would have been one of the ones shielding myself in the end, again. I don't want that anymore.
So for those that would like to look into some self help books (but by no means does it take the place of professionals) I have a couple that is dynamite. The first one is: Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend. It explains boundaries we all need in our life based on religious views backed by bible verses. Even if you are not a religious person this book is still worth the read because regardless we all need boundaries for ourselves and the people we interact with. The second is Life's Healing Choices..Freedom From Your Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits by John Baker (there is also a work book with this that I have on order from Boarder's). I've not started reading this one yet but I will give you a small excerpt from the back... {We've all been hurt by other people, we've hurt ourselves, and we've hurt others. And as a result, every single one of us ends up with some sort of hurt, hang-up, or habit. But the question we all face is, WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?}
I want each of you to promise yourself to be honest with yourself. You know if there are things in your present/past that somewhere haunts you. It doesn't matter if you've had the surgery or not, if there are things within yourself that hasn't been faced and then released, you are only cheating yourselves. It is only you that can start your healing process in order to set good boundaries in your life and bring forth the person we really are. Because no matter what, who we really are is someone that you truly want to know and it is someone that is deserving of love, respect and happiness. OK...enough of Dr.Diane....LOL! I hope each of you have a great day! (Hm....I wonder if I should post this on a forum...I'll have to think about that...lol)
300 lb HW / 289 lbs Pre-op /281 lbs Day Of Surgery 
(deactivated member)
on 3/6/10 3:05 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
on 3/6/10 3:05 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
Thanks for sharing!! I'm at goal but may still check out the books you recommended....
Hello. I am new to this site and am in the middle of doing all that I need to do to get the aproaval from the insurance company. I am also seeing my therapist weekly during this time and after the surgery. I feel so strongly about this I believe that it should be a requirement to getting weight loss surgery. There is a reason we are all like this, and if we do not address those reasons, then getting the surgery is a huge waste of time and money. We all can "pass" a pyche eval, no problem, we are all really good at saying what needs to be said to get what we want, its a skill we have developed, but this time we are trying to do something that is way to important to just give it lip service.
And you need to give your friend a hug, they must care deeply for you, then give yourself a huge pat on the back, you were honest even when you knew it could take longer to get the surgery... way to go... I know I am proud of you and I don't even know you.... Believe me, you will not regrett it, especially not 5 yrs post op when you are still at your goal weight and have this truly fantastic life.
And you need to give your friend a hug, they must care deeply for you, then give yourself a huge pat on the back, you were honest even when you knew it could take longer to get the surgery... way to go... I know I am proud of you and I don't even know you.... Believe me, you will not regrett it, especially not 5 yrs post op when you are still at your goal weight and have this truly fantastic life.
Thanks Deb After finishing the Boundaries book and starting on Life's Healing Choices book, I am discovering more and more about what got me to where I am and the tools to maintain my mental state as well as my physical health. I am even learning how to respect other people, as well as myself.
I hope that even though some may not go to the extreem I went to, that they take a minute to at least be honest with them selves and read these books. There are times that we need to start the healing within to begin to understand that it is okay to seek outside help. Yes, I am lucky to have a friend like that. I doubt I would have been as honest without her pushing me to be. Again, thanks for your comment and I hope this finds you blessed!
After finishing the Boundaries book and starting on Life's Healing Choices book, I am discovering more and more about what got me to where I am and the tools to maintain my mental state as well as my physical health. I am even learning how to respect other people, as well as myself. I hope that even though some may not go to the extreem I went to, that they take a minute to at least be honest with them selves and read these books. There are times that we need to start the healing within to begin to understand that it is okay to seek outside help. Yes, I am lucky to have a friend like that. I doubt I would have been as honest without her pushing me to be. Again, thanks for your comment and I hope this finds you blessed!
300 lb HW / 289 lbs Pre-op /281 lbs Day Of Surgery I think the best thing about getting the surgery is finally starting to take care of ourselves. Not just the physical part of it, that much is a given, but the emotional and pyschological part of taking care of ourselves.
I am so happy that you are doing it now, before your surgery and before you have lived half your life being miserable. That takes strength and wisdom.
You are truly Blessed
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