My marriage and her love was not as strong as I thought.
I have been married for a little less than 10 years, and for all but the last 18 months I worked long 12 to 14 hour days at my job and made very good money. These days I am trying to start my own business, but I am so distraught I don't know what to do now. My wife was usually unemployed, working jobs from home or job hopping for most of my marriage. She and I have been overweight for most of our marriage. She has been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs for all that time as well, and now apparently she has been classified as a binge alcoholic.
About 2 years ago, the doctor told her she was going to die in less than 10 years if she did not lose weight. So like I did for all her other surgeries and medical problems, and there were many, I painfully watched her suffer through and supported her after gastric bypass surgery which has brought her to her now very slim figure.
Last month, after being at her new job for about 10 months, she conspired with several women at her company and one mutual female friend of ours to have an affair with a married guy at her office.
Instead of talking to me about whatever she was upset about, and I know she was upset about our marriage because we don't have any children, she just goes out of her way to hurt me over and over now. I found out last Saturday because she was drunk and conversing over IM with him. That night I had to take her to the hospital where she was held due to the doctor using the Baker Act because she was drinking and over dosing on Xanex.
I am still very much in love with her, but I cannot ever take her back or trust her. Worse is that I feel like a laughing stock to the whole world because she not only did this to me, but that she so easily pulled the wool over my eyes to hide it and had those co-worker people helping her. I have no idea what they think of me either...and now that she has gotten out of the hospital, I believe she is still sleeping with the guy... and I get to sit home alone sickened by my life eating my heart out.
If divorce was what she wanted, I would have given it to her, without her betrayal. All I have ever wanted was for her to be happy... I asked her why did she have to do this to me? "She wanted to see if she could" was her answer.
Thank you. I don't feel better off, just hurt.
I know that others have had this same problem occur, and quite honestly, if this is an end result of the surgery, then I would suggest people get divorced before the surgery to save the embarrassment.
There was a guy who posted here in the past who started an argument that this kind of thing always occurs. My wife joined in on him about how this would never happen to us because she loved me too much and showed me his message and her response... well I can tell she meant otherwise now.
I'm sorry your going through this....I was married for 20 years and now divorced for 6. It is an awful horrific thing to endure, but it takes time to heal, I can say, I am happy now and it is because time has healed. There is a support group in every state called DASH..... Divorced and seperated Help, good organization, people new to the whole thing, old, alot of support and advice, look it up in your area on google, it could help you get through this bad time, Good luck, if you need an ear....
David, all I can really say is that I am so sorry. I understand the "why's" and the unanswered questions because I've been there too. It was so difficult for me to finally get the nerve to leave him, and I won't sugar coat it and say that I immediately felt better and life got better etc., because I didn't and it didn't, at least not at first, but as time went on, I DID find myself feeling much better about myself and about my decision to leave. I never did get the answers I thought I needed...but you know something?....the answers don't matter anymore. The truth is that I am SO much better now, without him in my life to hold me back, burden me, and most of all, keep me in a box of insecurity. You are obviously a very good man with a big heart, and your wife simply took advantage of your good nature. If you take her back, she will continue to suck every bit of all you are and have to give right out of you. I don't mean to judge, but I've walked down the same road, and can look at it now, many years out and see it as plain as day. Now is the time to nuture yourself - something you probably haven't done in a long time because you were so consumed with giving all you had to give to her. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. You are a very good person, and deserve much better - you deserve to be loved in return. Give it time - you will heal, and you'll see for yourself how much better off you are without someone like that in your life. Good luck to you, and God bless!
~ Terri
David, people eat and use food for a variety of reasons. It sounds like your wife has been using food to cover up her low self-esteem and now that she can't do that, she's using alcohol and this affair to self-destruct!
I'm sorry you were the one to get hurt in the wake of your wife's self-destructive behavior, but believe me, she is also hurting herself. You're probably right to let her go and I know that your heart will hurt for a long time, but in the long run, you're only protecting yourself and will be happier, once you can get through this horrific time!
Big hugs to you!! I hope she gets the help she obviously needs!
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