Dealing with Jealousy...

Cimpy
on 11/1/06 10:08 pm - Tampa, FL
I am nearly two years out... and I feel and look great! I feel on top of the world... until I deal with my hubby of nearly 17 years, he's so jealous. I'm sure I'm not the only one that is going through this... How have you dealt with it? I am nearly at the point of considering Divorce... Cindy
corywingate
on 11/2/06 12:51 am - Wauchula, FL
Cindy, I know you have been struggling with this for a while now. Only you know what's worth saving with your marriage. 17 years is a long time with the same man. Have you always felt he loves you? have you always had him at your back in hard times? has he been your best friend? This is how I feel about my husband after 17 years also.......If it were "ME" I would try to remember what kind of a man he has been and I know mine he is worth the fight. If you can't get marriage counseling with a doctor (Dr. jawad has his a counselor he recommends thru his office) or there can be Church, or pick a couple that you both know as friends with a strong relationship to talk to. Sometimes someone you trust can hear the two of you talk and point out the triggers for your problems. If he is worth saving....you have to remember he stuck by you when you were at your lowest before surgery. he is worth sticking by in his hard time. There were reasons that kept you over weight and there are reasons he is acting out too. Try to remember the statistics of divorce after WLS and try not to be one of them. I was single for 8 years before I married for the second time and I 'm here to tell you that it isn't easy. Ask any single girl you know and see if they wouldn't trade your life any day. Starting over isn't worth easy. You will get your feelings hurt just as much in different ways. keep me posted....by e-mail or PM I will be thinking about you
tink
on 11/2/06 4:08 am - Orlando, FL
Cindy, I am sorry you are having to deal with the jealousy issues in your marriage. I am sure that is hard. I don't have personal experience with it myself but a good friend of mine has gone through the same thing with her husband. I know that they did seek a counselor to try to help but her husband had some real insecurity problems and it really had nothing to do with her but mostly with the way he felt about himself. When my friend was overweight well she had insecurity problems of her own so she didn't notice her husbands. Once that weight came off then it all came out in the wash. Unfortunately my friend did file for divorce after 18 years of marriage and it was very sad. I do know that she tried everything she could to save her marriage but she just couldn't continue to live with him being so jealous and he was unable to change it. I guess I will say what I told her and that I truly believe you have to have a quality of life while we are here on this earth. I told her better to be happy and alone for the right reason that with someone just to be with them for the wrong. I hope it works out for you and that you can have that "quality of life" no matter what happens!
Cimpy
on 11/2/06 5:30 am - Tampa, FL
Thanks to both of you... I have told him that He really needs to stop with the jealousy... He has come right out and told me... He's who he is and he's NOT Changing... So.. with that being said, I am still trying to work through this, but I am also trying to prepare myself for what seems to be the inevitable... I just don't know... Thanks, Cindy
Tami H.
on 11/2/06 2:00 pm - Winter Park, FL
17 years is a long time.....don't throw it away without a fight. Dh is probably thinking he is not able to keep you...and is acting in fear. He won't admit it now, but perhaps he will want to go to counselling and you two can work things out. What sets him off, people talking to you? Or people looking at you, or commenting on your appearance? Think about what his triggers are and try to let him know you love him and want to work it out....ask him what you can do to help. I understand your frustration....but he does love you right? He's been there through the fat times, and loved you then right? So he is probably afraid, and having a hard time adjusting to his lovely wife, and afraid you might dump him! Think it through....we are encouraging you! blessings, Tami
ocalacarole
on 11/6/06 9:05 am - Ocala, FL
Dear Cindy Many years ago I lost 103 lbs and had a wonderful marraige, except I was insecure and jealous. When I lost the weight I became a whole new person, someone I didnt even know existed inside me. I was super outgoing always volunteering for things, joined PTa for the kids, became class mom etc. All the things that Id never do before because I was hiding behind my fat. When I started this new waypf acting he was perplexed. I was very open with him and we were able to ha**** out. Once I reassured him I was not looking for anyone else that he was all I ever wanted , but it was my time to shine he was ok with that. Im glad I stayed and we had total honesty. Not long after that he wanted to be free. I never looked so good and we wanted out. He never left we worked it out and Im glad we did. He died a few years later at a young age from Hep C and a failed liver transplant. So I say if its worth it do it. You know him best and if its not get out now. Dont prolomg the agony for either of you. Id rather be alone , dateless and happy than to live in fear of jealousy episodes. Just an opinion Wishing you the best. Your a gorgeous lady. Hugs carole
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