Shame

This is a weird topic, but did anyone else feel ashamed that they had to have this procedure done in order to lose weight?  I know that for me it is necessary--I cannot lose weight without surgery.  My doctors have all agreed that because of my family history and the presence of polyps in my stomach and small intestines that are causing me to gain and hold onto weight that this is necessary.  (My grandmother had the same issue.  The polyps turned cancerous and she ended up losing her life over this.)  I don't think I'm ashamed of having this done, but why am I keeping it secret?  I find myself not telling people that I am having this done.  I don't want others to know what I'm going through and what I'm doing to resolve this.  I'm doing this to save my life and to have a better quality of life--I want it, I need it, I'm doing it.  But for some reason, I feel like if I put it out there, people will judge me.  My immediate family, of course, knows and is on board.  But most of my friends and extended family do not know.  And I haven't said anything to my church family or my coworkers--other than my immediate supervisor.  I don't know if I'm just being private or if there's some other issue I'm not dealing with.  My counselor told me that when I was ready to discuss it, I would have no problems speaking about it.  Is this normal or am I just being anal about this?

I really never told many. Family and close friends only. And to this day I dont say much either, as I always felt there was something at play causing my weight and inability to lose it. Especially as I was super active and ate less than thoes who would have been of equal activity level. I was the model of health other than my weight.

Im a little over 11 years post op, and just found out the cause of my weight. I always felt wrong in my body. And would explain why to this day even why I really tell no one I had WLS. I only this spring told my bf, we've been together almost 5 years. Only because I needed him to know just incase I was incapacitated, as what caused my weight problems is now causing major adrenal problems.

Even when WLS is brought up by his family, cause they have had friends and such have it, I dont say much. Only chime in a tiny bit if they are getting a bit overboard on the bull factor. None of them know. I just prefer it that way as I never felt I was really ME till I had my DS and lost the fat suit. 

I dont call it shame for having surgery, but for me it was pretty damn personal. Plus I personally HATE when myself or anyone is labeled by what they have. I dont need to be grouped, I am an individual. People need to take me for me not for the choices I made for my health. And in this day and age the only way I have been able to stay that way is not to give them ammo.

Thank you so much!!!  Now I don't feel so alone about my choice to not discuss this outside of my close circle.  

No your not alone. While if I do get asked by friends or family that know if I will talk to someone they know that is thinking about surgery, I will do that privately. They just know to respect my feelings on the matter even after 11 years. You would think that I would have been all jump for joy and tell everyone at 22yo when I had surgery, nope. Its truely a deep personal thing with me. I finally am at ease now knowing the cause of my obesity and that I wasnt nuts for feeling like I was in the wrong body. 

Yes I gladly talk about it on this site because well thats what most of us are here for. :)

Lots of people feel just like you!  And that's OK.  Some feel like this for the rest of their lives.

Me personally, I believe, and so does the ASMBS, that obesity is a disease.  And I refuse to be shamed because I have a disease.  Disease is disease.  Do we tell people who have heart attacks or cancer to just buck up and cure themselves?  Should you drag your broken leg behind you till you figure out how to set it yourself?  We have a disease they can't cure so how does that make it our fault?  I got my first diet when I was 6 weeks old.  I got over the shame thing decades ago.

I refuse to shame myself about this or any thing else really. Shame is counterproductive for me.

what I do feel is incredibly thankful that this surgery became available in my life time and I was able to self pay for it. 

I am not ashamed of any other medical disease that I have and get treated. I am not about to start shaming myself now.

I am a very private person, the only person that knew was my wife ...not even my kids. Everyone else thought I was having gall bladder surgery (which I did...the doctor took mine out).

It was my business, not anyone else's, I didn't want people to monitor my weight loss....comment on what I ate...etc. There are many good people out there...but lets face it...there are plenty of ********you know the ones that will tell you how to lose weight (like you didn't try it) or monitor your weight loss like it is their job.

SO ....you are not alone.

Scott

I recently went to a weight loss support group for school(nursing) and I shared my own personal story also, I found that a lot of people still feel ashamed about weight loss surgery. Almost like you failed at something other people can just magically do. Everyone in my life(co-workers included) know about my surgery I even have a picture of what it is on my phone so I can explain it better. I think my situation is totally different than most however, working in a hospital and seeing the effects of obesity changes perspective on things. I'm still proud of my scars and show them to anyone who asks(and those who don't)

I keep my weight loss highs and lows private. It's painful to feel watched, maybe judged. I don't need to justify my decision. 

Very few people are aware. 

I'll admit I was ashamed at first. I was so mad at myself for letting myself get to the point where surgery was my only option. But as time went by and I realized the surgery worked and I was given a second opportunity at life, the shame subsided. Life is good again and for that I will always be grateful.

For me, the shame was there whether or not I told anyone. I kept it quiet in the beginning but realize now that people need to put a face to weight loss surgery. They need to see that it can be successful and not everyone gains it back or dies (I heard a lot of horror stories from well-meaning friends). Since my surgery 8 years ago at least 10 people I know have also had it after seeing how well I have done. I have absolutely no shame now and have forgiven myself for gaining weight in the first place. I am at peace.

Hang in there.