Watch those knees!

I'm at just over two years.  I still owe the 2 year anniversary post, but I'm also still tracking down some blips with it, so hang on for that, but I thought this one was funny enough for a post. 

I had a really bad cold last week that included these HUGE sneezes.  They were whole body sneezes and I would do about 4 in a row and it seemed a part of the sneeze movement was to slam my knees together for the very last one.  With one especially big sneeze my now boney knees knocked together so hard both knees swelled up and are now sporting multi-color bruises. 

This was never a worry as a fat person, my knees could no more touch than California can touch New York.  There was plenty of thigh fat to keep me safe.  I had to ice my knees to get the swelling down enough I could walk. 

I wonder if people who are skinny their whole lives have these kinds of problems.  :-)

I had to sleep with a squishy pillow between my knees for months, until I got used to the bone touching bone.  Plus, a pillow for my tush. 

I don't know...but I wouldn't trade those issues for being fat again! At 10 years out there are very few new "celebratory" moments. But some of the old ones never get "old"....like fitting into a booth.

Scott

I agree.   There is no comparison.  It is so stupid how people treat me differently than they used to.  Some of it, I know, is cuz I'm putting out a happier vibe now than the misery that had seeped into every crack of my old life, but still.  It is bigger than just that.

 

In my head I always stopped processing questions when I hit "the fat wall."  I see now that I never tried to really marshal all my resources and really figure out how to be  happy and fat.  I always stopped thinking after "if only I wasn't so fat and ugly/disgusting or what ever ugly word I was tacking on at different stages of my life.   It always shut me down mentally and I see now that there was no reason for it.  So what if I was fat; that didn't mean I didn't deserve a great job or a nice house or what ever what my deal at the time.  I'm having to learn who my authentic self is, because she was buried under a thousand layers of "have to be nice, or nobody will want the fat girl around" or "have to be funny, cuz I'm fat" or a thousand other ways I tried to compensate for no good reason, but I didn't see that then. 

 

I didn't have the level of sanity I needed to deal with being fat and I didn't develop it until all the extra fat was gone, which was a little late.  :-)  I hope that if I'm one of the unlucky ones that gains a lot of back, I will remember my lessons.  I do see them now and I never used to; the huge beautiful women and men who know that the mystery of the universe is pales in comparison with their beauty and that they have nothing to prove to anybody.   I salute them and honor their sanity. 

 

And you are right, I should still celebrate fitting into booths and things like that. I still smile when it comes time to buckle my seatbelt on an air plane.  Oh, I used to HATE those little white folding chairs that people would use at weddings and such.  Like I would ever risk the public humiliation that would come when one of those little chairs would make a loud groaning sound and then collapse under my 300+ pound body.  And it was so isolating, because that meant you maybe spent 8 hours at a wedding/reception and you could never sit with anybody and so other people thought you were stuck up, but really it was super lonely being unable to risk acting like normal people.   It is the lack of moments like that or even the fear of moments like that that are the unspoken bounty weight loss surgery and more than make up for its inconveniences.   

 

Hmm.  I thought I was starting to have problems remember what it was like to be SMO, but it seems like it is all still there, waiting for me to process more of it.  Ah well, it will keep me grateful. 

..brandy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You kind of "forget" over time....but not really.